I make light of it now, for her benefit, but during my deep dive into her illness the other night I came across a list detailing more than two hundred symptoms.
Two. Hundred.Plus.
Alexis is a goddamn fighter. Us guys whine and moan when we’re thrown into the boards too hard, but at least our pain fades within days, if not sooner. Alexis has to live with her body attacking itself every single day without complaint, and has to figure out how to live her life alongside it. And the fact that she has to shoulder it all alone, with no one who really, truly knows what she is going through…
Shit. The thought alone forms a lump in my throat.
“Just nervous, I guess,” she says and waves a hand to blow me off. As if that would work on me. “It’ll pass.”
I press another kiss down her neck, ending right on her shoulder as she stills underneath my touch. “Talk to me. Why are you nervous?”
“It’s just—I want this weekend to be about you and the guys,” she says. “So what if something makes me flare up again and I become catatonic and can’t go out with you? I don’t want to be the one who’s dragging you down.”
“You won’t drag me down. You couldn’t even if you tried.”
Softly, she shakes her head. “You don’t know that, Blake.”
“Yes, I do.” I hook my finger under her chin, gently turning her face so I can look into those enchanting eyes I adore, my heart aching as I notice them glazed with tears. “I can promise you with my head and my heart that I’m just as happy laying in bed watching bad TV with you as I am going out with the guys. I’m yours, Sunshine. Even if you’re too exhausted to walk, and I have to carry you to the bathroom. Even if you’re in so much pain that you can’t help but become snippy and difficult. You don’t have to deal with this alone anymore. I’ve got you, and I’m not letting you go.”
The small lamp on my desk highlights the tears threatening to spill onto her cheeks. I hold her gaze for as long as she’ll let me, those big eyes searching my face for the answer to a question I don’t know.
“Levi told me you’re not a relationship kind of guy,” she says, and as she blinks a single tear escapes her lid to roll down her cheek. “What changed?”
“I’m going to kick his ass for telling you that, but he’s right.” A flutter passes through my chest, hopeful and longing just for her. “I’m not a relationship kind of guy. But you, Alexis Moore, are my only exception.”
Chapter 20
Alexis
In the end,the bus ride to Vermont wasn’t half bad.
Then again I spent most of it curled up at Blake’s side, fast asleep, and even in my dreams his words echoed.You, Alexis Moore, are my only exception.
Each time I hear it in my mind, my heart glows like wildfire.
It doesn’t help that Blake makes me sleep better than any medication I’ve tried. Unlike the pills and syrups and teas, he doesn’t just suppress my anxiety but eases it until it’s barely noticeable. It is a terrifying thing, to be so dependent on him, but what I told Levi that night wasn’t a lie. If this ends when the contest is over, I will accept it with grace. Blake and I made a deal, and we owe each other nothing more than those terms.
So when I find Levi staring at us with that conflicted look on his face, I shoot him a smile. I can’t make him stop worrying about me—he is my brother, after all—but I can make sure he has no reason to.
The arena is only a few blocks away from the hotel, leaving us with plenty of time to kill before the guys have to go prepare. Blake suggests staying in our room for a bit and going for a walk later, but I know he’s suggesting that for my benefit alone. Awaygames are great for boosting team morale, and strengthening bonds between them so they work better as a team. I can’t let Blake miss out on any of that, especially now that he and Levi are rocky at best. So I surprise everyone by suggesting we go for an early dinner instead.
We walk over as a group, Blake’s arm around my shoulders, his breath tickling my skin as he whispers sweet nothings into my ear. He insists on paying for dinner like always, though this time I don’t fight him on it. The restaurant they chose is out of my price range, anyway.
Levi, as one of the few players without a partner, chooses to sit at the head of our table.
Being captain of a winning hockey team, he can get any girl he wants, but his solitude is a choice rather than resignation. There is only one girl in this world worthy of my brother’s heart, and she is across the state in the sleepy village we grew up in.
Lottie got accepted into Brookside at the same time as Alissa and me, but she had to stay behind to care for her ailing dad. She’s been my best friend—aside from my womb-mate—since we were little, and that didn’t change when she and my brother started dating in our teens. She is the only person who can draw the worry from his mind, often without even trying to, and that doesn’t change no matter how long they’ve been apart.
But I know Lottie’s secret, and when we see her next, things may not be the same.
My heart flutters as Blake’s hand finds mine underneath the table, his thumb tracing lazy circles on the back of my palm as he laughs at something Raf says. I try to pay attention to their conversation, but it’s about hockey and I don’t understand the rules even a little bit, so I mostly end up staring at Blake, imagining all the things I’d like him to do to me once we’re alone. He glances at me, his grin widening as he winks, like he knowsexactlywhat I’m thinking about.
If only.
You would think growing up with two sport-obsessed siblings would create a third, but any attempt at learning about it leaves me bored and irritated. If I had to guess, I would say it’s a mentality kind of thing; day-to-day life is so exhausting to me that sports are downright impossible. Blocking out engaging with it in any way might be my brain’s way of protecting me from feeling left out more than I already do.
How ironic, then, that I’m dating one of the school’s star hockey players.
