Alexis trusted me with her body, which I know couldn’t have been easy. But while the taste and feel of her is almost addictive, it’s her heart I’m after. Would she give me a chance, if I asked? Or have I fucked up any chance of that when I invited other girls into my bed?
I’m not a relationship guy, my reputation makes that clear. But that’s mostly because relationships are built on trust and emotional intimacy, and I’ve never really learned how to establish that. Yet this…this beautiful, delicate thing we have together feels so damn close. If Alexis could look into my mind, would she even stay? Or would she run and abandon me like everyone else?
Even now, as she’s leaning against my chest staring at the fish and there’s a dozen cameras around, I feel the urge to ask her where we stand. If I’m deluded to think there might be something between us. If she could ever see herself fall for someone like me. Questions that are decidedly unfit for a couple madly in love. But the silence is fueling my spiral, and I need her voice to calm me down.
“Did you know fish can drown?” I ask as we sit down on one of the benches in the shark tunnel. We underestimated the size of the aquarium, so we’ve been taking frequent breaks to keep Alexis from flaring up. I still don’t know what that means, but I get the feeling this isn’t the time to ask.
Alexis looks at me quizzically. “You’re kidding?”
“Not at all. If there’s not enough oxygen in the water, they drown just like a human would. Weird to think about, isn’t it?” I ask, and pass her one of the sandwiches I’d packed for us.
When I asked Levi about her favorite kind of sandwich, he acted like I was asking for nuclear launch codes or something. I knew he was going to be weird about Alexis and me hanging out—he’s her older brother, after all—but I hadn’t expected him to freak out over tiny stuff like her favorite lunch foods. Whenhe set us up, he warned me to behave, but had he expected I wouldn’t give a fuck at all? That I wouldn’t check with her siblings on how I can improve her day?
Sure, I can step back and see how we are veering off from thefakepart of our agreement, and I do admit my reputation precedes me. I guess I just hoped he knew me better than that.
A smile pulls at Alexis’s lips. “I think the weirdest part is that you know that.”
“I know a lot of fun, useless facts,” I say. “Like how the oldest fish hook ever found is over forty-two thousand years old, or how koi can live for hundreds of years.”
“You’re such a nerd,” Alexis laughs, but unlike anyone who has ever called me that, she says it with such clear and undeniable affection that it spreads a warmth through my body, a sensation so rare it takes me a moment to place it.
A ray of light catches her eye, the soft blue light bringing out the pure silver in them. Her freckles are more noticeable now, like a tiny constellation on her cheeks. I’ve always believed she was a universe wrapped in skin; I guess this is the proof I’ve been searching for.
She catches me staring at her but I hold her gaze, refusing to back down. I want—no, Ineedher to know exactly how beautiful she is.
“You’re missing the fish,” she whispers with a laugh.Fuck, I love that laugh.“You’re a surprisingly good actor, though. That weird look in your eyes is very convincing.”
With cameras this close, we should not be saying any of this. I glance around to find them focused on other couples—a small relief, but too close for comfort nonetheless.
The words are out before I can stop them. “Who says I’m acting?”
“You don’t even know me.” Her eyes snake up to meet mine, giving me that pointed look I find strangely addicting.
“Don’t I?” I raise a brow. “I know that your favorite movie isThe Proposal, your favorite show isReign. You love theHunger Gamesbooks and have been debating joining the archery team because of Katniss. You’re secretly afraid of thunder, and one day you want to go to Iceland to see the northern lights.”
“How do you know that?” she demands, not even trying to pretend I didn’t get everything right. She’s straightened her spine, her face close to mine, those silver eyes spitting fire. I’ve never seen Alexis angry before, but I shouldn’t be surprised that it kind of turns me on.
“You’ve done an admirable job of blending into the background, Alexis. But I’ve always seen you.” My fingers brush her cheek, pushing a stray lock of hair from her beautiful face. “You’re the one who wasn’t paying attention.”
“Who says I wasn’t?” she says, and now it’s my turn to sit up straighter, my eyebrows raised to urge her on. “I know you love those sticky peanut puffs from the gas station. I know you like it when the leaves turn brown and crispy so they crunch when you step on them. You love to sit outside and watch the lightning, like an idiot, and you wanted to go to a Springsteen concert for your birthday but you didn’t want to go alone. You?—”
I crash my lips into hers, swallowing her words. I’m tired of thinking, of wonderingwhat if. This morning, Alexis showed me how much she trusts me, and I can only hope I proved to her that she can. I savor the feeling of her lips on mine, waiting for the kick to the nuts that says I’ve gone too far. It doesn’t come.
Her fingers slide across my jaw as she deepens the kiss, the rest of the world falling to dust.
When Alexis kisses me it’s like a fog clears in my brain, allowing me to think clearly for the first time in my life. Which is stupid, as I can never make a rational decision when it comes to her. Still, my thoughts don’t race, my muscles ease and I canfinally justbe.Like electricity to an old, creaky radio, I need her to function.
She pulls away far too soon for my liking, but I’m not pushing my luck.
Alexis is still breathless when she says, “That was silly.”
“Was it?” I hold her gaze, my arms wrapped loosely around her waist. I might not be able to kiss her again, but I’m sure as hell not letting her go. “Because I think this has been a long time coming.”
“You just want to get into my pants again.” Her eyes linger on my lips like she’s considering kissing me again. I hope she does. “You’ll be gone the moment you succeed.”
I shake my head. Hooking my finger under her chin, I pull her gaze into my own. “You still don’t get it, do you?”
“Not even a little.” Her voice is hardly louder than a whisper, and I can barely hear it over the erratic beating of my heart. “You don’t want to be with me, Blake…I’m damaged goods. I can never be who you want me to be; whoIwant me to be. It would be much easier to pretend this never happened.”
