NowthatLurielle understood.
“I used to do the same thing after Kael was born. I felt so guilty coming back to work. I sat in the bathroom and looked at his pictures and cried like a baby.”
Silva nodded, her eyes on the children, still smiling that grim smile.
“Well, aside from the separation anxiety I think we all go through, how are you settling back in? Do you like being back?”
“No, I hate it.” She answered immediately, with no hesitation, dissolving in more sheepish laughter a breath later. “I know that’s terrible, I’m supposed to be so happy to be back having grown-up conversations, but I’m not. I would quit tomorrow if I could.”
Lurielle bit her lip. She couldn’tnotask.At this point, she’s just baiting you. “You – you said you’re the only one working right now?”
Her eyes flicked up, widening once she realized what Lurielle was asking. “Oh, I’m not supporting him.” She laughed at the thought, as if it were preposterous. “And don’t get me wrong, I always loved working in design before. I just like being home with her more. But of the two of us, he’s better at it. He’s insisted on paying for everything since he’s been back. He needs a project. And until he finds one, he’s having fun being a stay-at-home dad. So I feel like I have to be doingsomething.”
The math wasn’t mathing. Lurielledesperatelywanted to ask. She didn’t understand how Tate could be the father of Silva’sdaughter in the first place. She wanted Silva to spill her guts and tell her everything, but Lurielle knew she couldn’t come right out and ask. Yet.
“Sooooo you’re back together . . .”
Silva’s smile was softer then. “Yeah. A bit of a work in progress, but we’re getting there. He’s coming with me next month for my unbinding.” She held up her hand, showing Lurielle the ring on her index finger. “Tannar’s family is making me do the whole ceremony. They just want to humiliate me.”
Lurielle gasped in offense. Nowthiswas a conversation in which she could participate fully and unambiguously, with no need to dance around the unknown, especially since Ris wasn’t there to kick her under the table. “Are you fuckingkiddingme? What a prick! Look, Ris never wanted me to say anything before, but I’vealwayshated that guy. You were too good for him, Silva, and he knew it. They’re seriously making you do the whole ring returning ceremony?! No one does that anymore!”
Silva laughed, nodding her head. Her laugh came a bit easier now, Lurielle thought.See? We just needed to find common ground. Hating Tannar is something we can all do together.“Yeah, they sure are. Careful what you wish for, because Tate is spoiling for a fight.”
“Yeah, and looks like he’s been in one pretty recently. If I were Tannar, I wouldn’t risk it. He’s going to get his head kicked in.”
Silva dropped her head to the table, her shoulders shaking in laughter, still nodding. “They think they’re doing this to punish me, but they have no idea what they’re in for.”
“I saw how banged up he looked at playgroup.”How were you able to broach this with Tate more easily?“He got hurt on the other side, huh?”
Silva nodded, her laughter dying out, her eyes still fixed on the three little bodies racing around the swings. “I thought he was going to die. He walked through my door, choking on blood,and I thought for sure he was going to die and I would lose him twice.”
Her voice wavered.
Lurielle shivered at the implication.He just rolled back through your door like five years hadn’t passed, looking younger than when he left. “All that scares me so much,” she blurted, ears heating. “I’m sorry if that’s shitty for me to say, but —”
“It scares me too. It’sallscary.” She glanced around, making sure children weren’t close enough to hear, as if she were expecting someone to be creeping up behind them. “There are doors everywhere, Lurielle. When he was gone . . . I did a lot of investigating. I just had to know. There are shops that sell things that can help you cross, and they’re everywhere. There’s one right here in Bridgeton!”
“Stop,” Lurielle blurted, doing a whole body shake. “That’s going to give me nightmares.” Silva obliged and said nothing for a moment. Lurielle huffed, annoyed with herself. Shewantedto know. “Like, what kind of doors? I feel like I will be afraid to take my kids camping.”
Silva’s voice was quiet when she started again. “Don’t ever take a staircase that leads to nowhere. Don’t ever throw a coin in a fountain if you can’t see the bottom. If you walk past a mirror and it feels like something is watching you, there probably is. I’llnevertrust random salespeople ever again.”
“No, stop, for real,” Lurielle laughed, shivering again. “I have the heebie-jeebies.” For a long moment, they were both quiet, watching the children play. “We found out you were pregnant from Edzin,” she murmured. “I guess he still talks to Tannar. ‘Our kids could be friends.’ That was literally the first thought I had when we heard the news. And here we are.”
“Here we are . . . I’m so sorry I missed your wedding,” Silva said softly. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for any of it. I . . . I was ina really bad place. I know I hurt your feelings, and I’m sorry for that too. Honestly, I probably did you a favor. I would’ve wound up on the roof wailing like a ghost.”
Lurielle laughed at the thought. That would have distracted from her mother’s antics, if nothing else. “You’re forgiven, Silva. Yeah, I was hurt at the time, but . . . well, it’s been five years. We’ve all been through a lot. And I knew you weren’t in a great spot. Which is also why Iknewmarrying Tannar was a terrible idea! Because you weren’t in a good place and he’s the fucking worst.”
Silva laughed, the tense moment passed.
“Tate said Aelin went to preschool for a few weeks here in town?”
“Yes,” Silva nodded, “and she loved it. She needs to learn to socialize with other kids. We didn’t get much of that where we lived. Although she loved the teacher in her room so much, I almost worry it was a mistake sending her for such a short time.”
“Is she going to do summer daycare at the community center?”
Silva shook her head. “We hadn’t planned on it. At least, not yet. It doesn’t make sense to send her to daycare when he’s home all day.” Her eyes moved to Lurielle’s, eyebrows raising. “Are your kids there?”
“Yup. Khash and I both need to work. I am definitely one of those moms who needs adult conversations to function at home with my children without losing my mind. And he’s too invested in the idea of early retirement to take his foot off the gas now. So yeah, my kids will be there.”
