His voice was raw when he broke off, a pain behind his eye throbbing.
Ainsley’s eyes were wide, his jaw clenched, tears running down his face. Tate wiped away his own with the back of his hand.
“And I’m supposed to believe that?”
A choked burst of laughter escaped his throat, wrapped in what might have been a sob. “You wanted to hear something real, Ainsley. That’s the realist fucking thing I have. I’msorryI didn’t tell you. I didn’t mean to hurt you, and I know that doesn’tmean fucking anything. I didn’t know how. And I know that doesn’t make it better, but I’m sorry.”
For a long moment, neither of them spoke.
“Ris said you looked pretty beat up.” His words were stiff, his jaw still barely moving, but it was something, Tate thought. It wasn’t an accusation; it wasn’t shouted in anger.
“Yeah. I picked a fight with my grandfather and he nearly beat me to death.”
Ainsley still had tears running down his face, but he couldn’t hold back a snort of laughter, nearly choking him. He nodded, as if that made perfect sense in some warped reality, dragging a hand down his face. “Well, that’s probably what you deserved.”
“Probably so.”
The silence of the hallway had a weight to it, the walls of the old girl herself listening.
“And you’ll get a warning the next time, too.” He didn’t ask it as a question. Tate saw the test in his friend’s words.
“No. No next time. They can’t find me again.”
“How can you know—”
“I made certain.” His voice was hard, thinking over what he’d done to earn the certainty. Ainsley swallowed. “If I’m wrong and they come for me, it’ll be a shock to me as well, Ains.”
Ainsley took a step back, glancing over his shoulder. “I – uh, I need to go. The dog is in the car. We have a dog now.”
Tate nodded, understanding. “I have a kid now.”
Another small huff of swallowed laughter, Ainsley’s eyes still wet. He turned, his movements jerky, moving down to the first landing before he swung around, his hands balled into fists. “If I ask, will you tell me, Tate? Will you tell me what I want to know?”
He nodded, sucking down the emotion that wanted to overwhelm him before he could answer. “Yeah, Ains. I’ll tell youwhatever you want to know. I hope you give me the chance to do so.”
He stood there, listening to the thump of Ainsley’s boots on the staircase, not turning back into the door until the hallway was silent. When he closed the door with a click, it seemed too loud in the silent apartment.
Tate moved like a sleepwalker, up the hallway, straight to the bedroom, climbing under the duvet and burying his face in the pillow. His whole body hurt. His head ached. He wanted to do nothing more than sleep, dissociating for the rest of the afternoon, giving himself distance from the confrontation in the doorway . . .
But he couldn’t. He understood what Silva meant, now, by saying she had to get up every morning and brush her fucking teeth. Because it didn’t matter whathewanted. There was a tiny girl with nothing but trust in her eyes who would be waiting for him in just another two hours.
It didn’t matter what he wanted to do. That was the point of all this. A project.
And he needed to be better for her.
Lurielle
“Ba ba ba ba baaaaaa!”
Lurielle glanced up in the rearview mirror once she had braked at a red light, grinning at her little tornado in the backseat. Kora was singing a song of her own devising, one that consisted of a single syllable, repeated over and over and over again, at ever-increasing decibels.
“Mama, make her stop!” Kael begged, putting his hands over his ears.
Her eyes shifted to the other side of the seat, meeting his mirror. “Your headphones are in your bag. Why don’t you put them on so it’s not so loud, okay?”
It was almost confusing to her how her children had evolved. Kael, who had loved making noise as a baby, was easily overstimulated by overwhelming noise now, and Lurielle made sure his bag was packed with a pair of headphones wherever they went, keeping a tiny pair in her own purse for the same reason. Kora, who had startled at every sound as a baby, was now a noisemaker extraordinaire, with none of her brother’s sensitivity.
She was almost ashamed to admit it had taken the dogs to make her realize how best to handle the differing needs between her children.
