He stayed silent, never pulling his eyes away from the sleeping little face. “It means moonlight in the common,” he murmured eventually, continuing slowly. “And in Elvish, it means ‘little pool.’”
They were both silent then. The name had been delivered as surely as Aelin herself, and Silva twisted at the implication in that.
“I felt like I was being directed,” she whispered. “Not always, but . . . some things felt too easy. Like they’d been placed therefor me specifically. The key found me, not the other way around. All I had to do was pay for it. And then after that, it was like there was another voice in my head, always telling me I needed to keep looking, that I couldn’t give up. And there was another voice there screaming, but it had been locked away and I could barely hear it. And then I realizedthatwas my voice. I’m afraid to know where the other one came from.”
Tate was quiet, but she could tell from his eyes that he was carefully parsing her words. “Faerie is guided by intention,” he said at last. “Nothing is given. Everything there is a barter, dove. If you accept kindness, it’s not a gift. You’ll pay for it somehow. You need to move with intention, and never give them anything you don’t want them taking. If you’re uncertain, that’s something the ground itself notices. They’ll take your uncertainty and give you purpose. But it won’t beyourpurpose. If you wish for something, it will arrive exactly as you worded it, which is never what you wanted. Take your elves and your fountains . . . you wish for a baby. It might come to you. You might not like the manner in which it does, butthatwasn’t a part of your wish. That doesn’t mean you get tokeepit. The Frostbitten Queen doesn’t mince her words. If she intended to keep you, you’d never have left, so I don’t think the meal she provided was anything but that. And you’re lucky we live in prosperous times, dove. I’ve known some on the other side who’ve had their children refuse to leave the womb until wars are finished. But I don’t think you quite realize, Silva, just how dangerous this little quest of yours actually was. That it didn’t end in blood is a stroke of luck I’d not chance ever being repeated.”
“A kiss of fate,” she murmured.You’re not a puppet anymore. “There’s something else I did,” Silva blurted, her ears heating immediately. “I-I’m not proud of it. I was panicked at the time, panicked and only thinking about the short term, but I knowthat’s not an excuse. Of all the things I did since you left, this is the only one I regret.”
She paused, ducking her head, tears filling her eyes as she looked down on Aelin’s sleeping face. Tate said nothing, but the fingers around hers tensed, waiting for her to continue.
“I went to see a witch before I left. It wasn’t a stranger; she was someone I’d been buying from for a long while . . . I asked for her to look like me. She did something with my blood, a potion. She even told methenit wasn’t right, and that the results might not be permanent . . . now I hate that I did it.”
Tate was quiet for a long moment, one of those tears finally breaking free, rolling over the slope of his sharp cheekbone. “Aye, I hate that you did that, too. My issues are my own, Silva. I’ll not let you give them to her. I’d be dead on that forest floor if I were a wilting daisy of an elf. Maybe in therapy you can unpack why you felt compelled to do such a thing.”
She choked out a tearful bark, nodding. “You’re right. I do need to do that.”
“Regardless, I hope you didn’t pay your carnival worker too much.” He nodded down, letting go of her hand to gently pull back Aelin’s lower lip. “She has the buds. Just doesn’t have the jaw. So at worst, you centered your Elvish privilege and ensured she’ll need pricey orthodontia once they come in.”
The sob mingled with her laughter, bending as she shook to press a kiss to Aelin’s head. “Good. I’m glad she’ll have them. And I start therapy next week . . . She starts school on the first of the month. It’s only three days a week for a few hours and the school year is practically over, but it will be good for her, I think.”
“What’s the plan for that? You said you start back to work.”
She nodded, wiping away her tears. Having a conversation about childcare was entirely mundane, completely normal but thiswasthe mundanity she’d been craving. That faerie talehappily ever afterwith him. This was a part that normally never made it to the page, she considered.
“I can drop her off on my way in, and then take my lunch break when she’s done and bring her to daycare. Or my mom, she’s right there, too.” His eyes narrowed as she spoke, golden slits by the time she finished. “Stop it,” she whined. “You weren’t a consideration when I put this all into motion. Obviously, things have to flex. And it’s really only for a few weeks, unless she’ll be doing the full summer program.”
“Silva, you put her in daycare, that’s your entire paycheck. I can pick her up from school every day of the week. I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, dove, but since we’re being honest with each other — I don’t have a job.”
Her head dropped forward, shoulders shaking in swallowed laughter. “Well, how long is that going to last? When are you starting back here? Or up the street?”
Tate was shaking his head before she’d even finished. “I’m not. They’re not mine anymore. I handed them over to people I trusted, and they did me an honor in my absence. I’m not strolling through the doors to take them back now.”
Her heart hurt for him. She knew how much he loved his old girl. “You love the Pixie.”
“Aye, I do. And I still own a stake in her. And Clover. But Thessa and Shona have put their marks down now. And I have to respect that. But until then, Rukh is putting my car back together literally as we speak. I’ve got nothing to do.”
“How long can that last, though? You’re going to need to find something—”
“I’m a fae prince entrepreneur, dove. I think I’ll land on my feet.”
She twisted away from him, shaking her head. “I can’t stand you. I don’t even know why I wanted you back.” She refused to make eye contact as he huffed in laughter again, his thumbdragging down the center of her palm, making her quiver.No. We’re taking things slow.She squeezed her thighs, emphasizing their closed status, feeling a protesting pulse he’d ignited. “Iguesswe can discuss the specifics and make a schedule. I just . . . I don’t want you to step into more than you feel comfortable—”
“Silva, do you want me home or not? Because I’m not doing this halfway. I’mnotwalking away from her. If you want me to, we can discuss it through our lawyers.”
Her mouth dropped open, her gasp of offense coming from her toes. She swung her hand at his head, swiping the side of his topknot.
“I’m only half joking, dove.”
“I know, which is why I’m only half hitting you!”
Tate grinned. “My abandonment issues and generational trauma are for me and my minotaur therapist to work out. Not for me to extend to her. Just letting you know now.”
“You’ve been a father for seventy-two hours, and you’re already preparing to run for president of the PTA.”
“Oh, this preschool is about to get a bad dose ofmyopinions. I know wee miss has already decided she likes the playroom, butI’llbe the judge of that. I want to see their safety filings.”
She laughed again, more laughter in a single day than in the entirety of her marriage, quite possibly. Silva didn’t know who leaned in first, only that one moment she was tipped forward, laughing at his ridiculousness, and the next her lips were against his. It wasn’t the same as that first kiss they shared since his return. That had been rooted in desperation, relief, and remorse.
