In the full year since they'd met, Ris was certain she could count on a single hand the amount of days that had passed when they hadn't spent the afternoon keeping each other entertained. She frowned, but realized that he was likely just as caught up with other people's bullshit as she had been.
Dinner tonight?
You have band rehearsal, right?
We can go somewhere after?
Maybe that chicken & waffles place
I love their waffles & waffles
She grinned, knowing he would be happy with the suggestion. Ris was always dubious of eateries that had the temerity to advertise meat right there in the name, but this one had proven satisfactory for them both. Ainsley ordered titular chicken and waffles, drowning his plate in a lake of amber maple syrup and hot chili oil, bemoaning that she didn't want to take a taste afterward.
"You put too much stuff on it!" she had laughed the first night they’d dined there, brandishing her fork at him when he tried to sneak attack a bite into her mouth. "I don't like the syruponthe plate."
She would eat her chicken-less waffle one neat bite at a time, dipping it first into her little cup of syrup, and then dabbing it into her hot sauce. They had discovered that this particular establishment featured a bevy of waffle options for different species, and she was having fun trying all of them.Summer Meadowhad, indeed, been full of what could only be grass clippings, while theUnderwater Palacehad been full of pickled kelp. There was a sun-dried tomato and black pepper waffle on the menu that she would try tonight, she thought, turning her phone back over after a few minutes, to check his reply.
Her message had been read, but he had still not responded.
Her stomach tightened, and Ris considered for the first time that he was upset with her. She sat back in her chair, tapping her computer screen back to life, hands poised over the keyboard . . . and proceeded to mentally review the last several times she'd seen him. They hadn't fought. They hadn't had any disagreements at all, major or minor. She didn't think she had said anything that had hurt his feelings or caused late-dawning distress. Her stomach flipped again.
This isn’t about you.
Logically, she knew her inner voice was right. This wasn’tabouther, per se. It was about the strange events of that autumn, and even though they were now in the middle of winter, Ris felt as if Ainsley was still standing in that office, frozen by the orc woman’s words, unsure of what to do with himself. It wasn’t abouther, wasn’t about her at all, but somehow, over the course of the last three months, it had become aboutthem, and she didn’t know how to wind back the clock to an easier time.
If she closed her eyes, she could get there. They were walking hand-in-hand through the little private museum in Cambric Creek, visiting the minutes are exhibit for the third time, Ainsley verbally going through a list of the most important things they needed to be sure to look at again, pondering over what magnet he was going to buy in the gift shop. They were coming out of the symphony on a balmy summer night. He was standing there, that million dollar smile beaming up at her, smiling with his whole being, and she was doing her best jeté from the top of the staircase, into his waiting arms. They laughed, they sang along with the radio. They ate good food, they had good sex, they had a good time together, always. She didn't know how to get them back to any of that.
Ris had just turned away from her screen, reaching back for her phone, when it buzzed at last.
I'm probably just going to come home after rehearsal
Call it an early night
Another twist inside her as she frowned. She didn't like knowing that he was in pain, liked it less that she couldn't wave that magical wand and makehistroubles disappear. She especially didn't like this twist in her stomach, making her feel as iftheywere in trouble.Don't be silly. Nothing happened. You're just being paranoid.
They’re doing a retrospective of early vampire cinema at the old theater in town
I can book the front row of the balcony if you want to go?
The phone sat silent in the corner of her desk, and the silence was louder than any ring down in its digital library.
Flipping it over upon her return from a meeting at her coworkers desk, more than an hour later, she thought he had replied at last.
I probably need to catch up on some things around here, shit I've been putting off
Rain check
That uncomfortable twist again, like an intricate braid, adding a strand with each successive day that passed.That's fine. I'll just go without him.She kept open the website with a half, putting a ticket in her cart, roll balcony, dead center . . . And left it sitting there as the timer wound down, unable to bring herself to check out.
Ris felt as if she were stuck in a fathomless body of water, bobbing like a cork. The water was even and there was no hidden danger of an undertow, but nor was there any land insight, no shelter, no harbor in her heading. Her arms retired, she thought peevishly. She'd never been fond of sink or swim analogies, but being endlessly stuck in this placid little pond was unacceptable. Unable to move forward, and tired of looking back.
Two nights later, after virtual radio silence from his end of the phone, Ris decided nuclear action was necessary. She took several deep, controlled breaths once she knocked on his apartment door, mentally ordering her stomach back to where it belonged instead of cowering behind her lungs, affixing a cheerful, carefree smile on her face only seconds before he opened the door.
The next moment seemed to occur in slow motion, even though Ris was cognizant of the fact that it was a collection of seconds. She watched his eyebrows drawn together, first in confusion, drawing down in slight displeasure, his forehead smoothing out in apathy a heartbeat later.
"Hey. I – I didn't know you were coming —"
She knew that her smile had frozen into a wax-like mask, and that her eyes likely betrayed how crestfallen she felt at his reaction to her presence, but her mouth refused to give up the shape as she brandished the pizza boxes. "I thought I'd bring dinner." She kept her voice breezy, swallowing hard as soon as the words were out. “I got one of your favorites and the special of the week. It has barbecue sauce and kielbasa. I am worried for your colon, but I knew you'd want to try it."
