She had inherited a cedar chest from her great-grandmother, when Nana had moved out of her own home. It would've been for her bridal trousseau, if she and her mother had been on better terms at the time. Instead, the chest was being used as a side table in her bedroom, currently housing a lamp and her tablet.And now it has a new job.She would put all of those little mementos and souvenirs in the chest, at least, those things that would be put on display on the shelves in their home.Despina is right.Start making memories big enough to outlast the grief.
When she came back out into the living room, Lurielle realized how much time had passed since they'd arrived home. Khash was still nowhere to be found.What is he doing out there?As she crossed the kitchen, she could see movement low to the ground, leaping orange and white.A fire?Pulling her hoodie back over her head, Lurielle quickly shoved her feet into flip-flops and went out the door.
He was sitting in one of the low, orc-sized lounge chairs they had purchased for the patio. A new table, new chairs. A new sofa in the living room and a new bed for the bedroom. Bigger. Overstuffed. Heavy, solid hardwoods and steel framing. Wide enough and tall enough and long enough to fit his huge frame. To fit him into her life seamlessly.
"I was beginning to think you were never gonna join me, Bluebell. Just left me out here to freeze."
"I didn't know I was supposed to!" she exclaimed, allowing him to pull her down across his lap. A year ago, she would've braced herself on the arms of the chair, afraid of letting him support her full weight, but now she did so unthinkingly. As easy as breathing. That's what they were together.That's how it ought to be.
Her heart went all wibbly-wobbly once more as Khash leaned his face down to her hair, inhaling deeply. He had one arm stretched around her back, keeping her tilted into him, while the other had settled over her hip, the generous spread of his fingers spanning her equally generous curves.Like puzzle pieces.
"Lurielle, I love you so much."
Her lungs seemed to heave in her chest, tugging her throat as they did so, and tears burned in her eyes.No. No more tears. You don't want to look back and be crying at every single turn.
"I hope you appreciate how much you've changed my life, Bluebell. I was an orc without purpose before you found your way to that steamy little bath."
Another lurch, this one making her jump in his arms.Don't start crying. Don't ruin this. "Is it too cliché for me to say ditto?" she choked out a laugh. "Because I could say the exact same thing about you. Well, not the orc part. And wait, that bath was huge!"
Khash chuckled, the rumble of it a deep vibration against her, like an electric hum against her skin. She gripped his bicep, needing to touch him, to be closer. She wanted to flatten herself against him, press her cheek to his heartbeat and wrap her arms around his thick middle, letting the heat of his blood keep her warm.
"I know you think that, Bluebell. I know you thinkyouneedme. I know you think all this work you've done on yourself is for me, and you're the only one who doesn't seem to realize none of that is true. You're stronger than any grown orc I've ever known, darlin'. Stronger and more capable. If something happened tomorrow that forced us to other sides of the world, you would get on just fine. You were gettin’ on just fine before you met me. I was barely treadin' water, Lurielle. If someone tried to talk to me about the future, I couldn't see past a few months. I didn't know what to do with myself."
Lurielle sputtered. "That’s not true at all! You’re completely full of shit. I mean . . .lookat you! You're smart, you're well-educated, you're successful. You’re the most handsome orc in existence. You have investments and an index fund. You actually knew how to train your dog. When we met, I had a bank account, a bad little terrier, and a bunch of rotten bananas on the counter that I never even made into bread. That's it! You live in a luxury high-rise and talk to your family every week. I need a stepladder to put away my dishes."
Another deep rumble of laughter against her, like thunder brewing in the distance on a summer night, warning of a coming storm.
"None of that means I was happy, Lurielle. Money and things are only money and things. That's not livin'. Not really. I don't feel like I started livin' until the weekend you and your friends came to have yourselves an adventure."
She was no longer able to hold back the tears that welled up in her eyes. Her face flamed, and she wheezed around what was surely her heart, wandering around her body again. "It's been the best adventure. I wouldn’t trade a single minute of the last year for anything."
"And I don't want it to end, Bluebell. I can't wait to see what the next chapter of our adventure will bring. If you’d be my wife, darlin', I'll be just another dog at your feet. Your happiness is the only thing that matters to me. Because I don't think I really knew what happiness was until you came into my life."
"Wait—" Lurielle struggled up, pushing off his chest so that she could look him in the eye. "Wait, what-what are you doing? Khash. Isthatwhat this is?! But-but I thought you said you wanted to build this giant fire! That it had to be just right!" She gaped at him, mind reeling. She’d never imagined when she staggered out of bed that morning, when she’d left therapy crying in her car, that this was how the night would end. “This is a s’mores fire! Are youkiddingme?!”
Khash did not let up his grip on her as he scowled down. “Bluebell, you sure know how to kick a man’s balls over the fence. Here I am, bearin’ my soul—”
“But yousaid—”
“Lurielle, all my big plans don't add up to a hill of beans if the woman I love isn't happy. It doesn't matter what I said I needed to do. I'm not letting you go to bed and cry yourself to sleep one more night. We got our fire. I've already had a good talk with my ancestors. Everything I need in the world is right here. This is for life, darlin’. We don’t make fire oaths we don’t intend on keeping. Will you marry me?"
Her heart was in danger of caving in on itself.He thinks you're crying every night because of him.Well, technically that was true. Shewascrying every night because of him. But she wasn't crying because he hadn't proposed.Who cares?This was perfect. This was everything you wanted.
"I already told you I was going to say yes."
She would never tire of the way her mouth fit so perfectly between his tusks, the way they fit so well together. His lips moved over her cheeks, kissing up the tracks of her tears, over each closed eyelid in the tip of her nose, making his way back to her mouth with a bit more heat.
This is for life.Tears choked her, the implication of his words being too great to ignore. She broke their kiss, sucking in a breath and swallowing down her sob.
"Lurielle, darlin', why are you—"
"Because this is for life!" she blurted out, gripping fist full of his shirt, unwilling to let him go. If she held on tight enough, perhaps she could circumvent fate. "What am I going to do without you? I'm going to have a lot more life left when you’re gone. What am I supposed to do?”
His eyes softened as he cupped her face, thumbs smoothing over her full cheeks. "Bluebell, is that what's got you acting like a wet hen?” He chuckled at her strangled sound of outrage, seeming completely unconcerned. “Darlin', we only got the time we're given. I'm going to make you as happy as I can for as long as I’ve got breath. Didn't I tell you I was planning on pumpin' a strong orc son into you? And maybe a beautiful little girl with freckles like her mama? You're not going to be alone, Lurielle. And if you think I not going to come back and fuck you silly as a ghost, you’re head’s on as backward as your friends’. I’m gonna haunt the boots off whatever scrawny little cupcake-lickin’ elf tries to have his way with you. Nowthat’sa promise."
Suddenly, close wasn't close enough. She needed to feel him beneath her, needed to feel his skin pressed to hers. She wanted his heat to burn her, to sear into her, and she couldn't do that with her hoodie on.
Khash made a noise in his throat as she peeled the blue Cambric Creek Community Days hoodie over her head, his big hands meeting hers at the hem of her T-shirt, stripping that off as well. Then came his own clothes, his long, thick fingers unlatching her bra closure with ease. It was a good thing the hedges were still full, she reminded herself as his head bent to catch a stiffened pink nipple with his mouth, sucking hard enough to make her gasp. Lurielle pressed herself forward against him, skin-to-skin, heat-to-heat. Close would never be close enough.
