As the days wore on, the nameless tension in the house seemed fit to bust through the walls, seeping under doorways and around corners, crowding her against her work table much in the same way she had once imagined Anzan doing, an inescapable pressure that was ready to erupt.Ladybug wondered what the aunts would say, were they still there to give her counsel, how they would advise her to proceed.
“You must learn what the darkness discovers, little one.”She could hear Willow’s words, could still smell the struck match and see the wavering light of the candle she had lit as Ladybug stood at her side, just a child then, staring down the long hallway where the shade had glided like a silver mist.“It’s never truly the darkness we fear, Ladybug, nor the things that lurk there.It is only the unknown.Once the darkness is known, it can’t hurt you.There’s nothing there to fear.”
This darkness ached with need, she decided.The growing agitation above her head, the thick, black smell ...you must learn what the darkness discovers.There was nothing in this house that could hurt her, but the tensity trapped within the four walls seemed fit to burst through the roof, and she very much needed her roof to survive the winter, until the repair work she’d scheduled come spring could begin.She would knock on the attic door again.Would knock until he had no choice but to answer her, and put an end to this nocturnal madness.
* * *
In the end, he hadcome to her.
Although, she supposed, who knew how long things would have continued if she’d not gone to the farm that day.The approaching sabbath weighed heavily on her mind, filling her with a tension that had nothing to do with the smells and sounds in her house.That storm in August had not only ushered in the noises and pacing and the distracting smell but also blowing winds and rain, with September bringing more blustery nights and crisp, sunny days.She visited one of Cambric Creek's farms to buy supplies for the approaching weekend’s Mabon celebration, filling her lungs with much-needed fresh air, cool and crisp and damp, with no hint of the cloying black musk.It would be a solitary feast, but she was determined to honor the sabbath well: fresh apples and cider, thick golden honey, pumpkins and squash, a fine cut of meat.There would be no family with whom she would break bread, no circle of sisters coming together to honor the harvest and welcome the Holly King back to the world, no one to share in the timeless devotions.If she raised her voice in song, it would be alone; a solitary bonfire and an unshared feast.
Not like any of that was a surprise, she reminded herself, arriving at the farm.
The harvest moon and Mabon would fall within the same weekend, an unusual occurrence, and one that would have meant a great celebration within the coven.She would be staying home, she’d already decided.The community festival would not have the same reverence, wouldn’t have the same chanting or songs, wouldn’t pay respect to the Dark Mother in the right way.There were several tinctures that would need to be completed under the moon, remedies and elixirs for paying customers, and that superseded a foolish desire for company that might distract her from her solitary place in the world.
Putting away the supplies she’d picked up froth the farm, Ladybug turned to the weathered grimoire the Aunts had left her and began the day’s first order.Calendula and ginger, a splash of olive oil and the talon of a harpy, orange blossom-infused water and a single sprig of mint ... she peered into the small cauldron, ensuring she’d not forgotten anything, and set the flame on low before jogging down the back stairs.Laundering her autumn wardrobe needed to be a top priority she’d realized once she’d returned from her errand at the farm, surveying the rows of sundresses and shorts hanging in the closet.Dutifully pulling an armload of sweaters and long-sleeved dresses from the cedar chest that had belonged to her mother, she piled her arms high, bringing them downstairs to wash after months of being packed away.
She was coming upstairs after her second laundry run, barely able to see around the towering laundry basket she carried when she encountered him.The stairwell was filled with a looming black shape that had not been there on the descent, blocking her path and obliterating the sunlight that streamed through the window at its back.Hisback, she realized, flattening herself to the wall with a gasp.
The araneaen before her was enormous, filling the entire stairwell, leaving her trapped where she stood.His unsegmented carapace was black and gleaming and full, the numerous legs that held him were thick and strong.Patches of dense, supple-looking black fur dotted the joints of those powerful legs and around the waist of the human torso that bloomed from the spider-like bottom half, bearing the same brilliant white markings that decorated his spider half.She could feel her mouth hanging open, could almost hear one of the aunts admonishing her that she’d catch a fly that way, but Ladybug was unable to force her jaw shut as her eyes roved over this stranger, so different from the hunched, whispery-voiced tenant who’d moved in, so different than what she’d been envisioning for months.His upper half was as robust and well-formed as his spider hindquarters: broad shoulders and two —two!— sets of heavy, well-built arms, thick with muscle.His broad chest was barely contained by the tight-fitting t-shirt he wore, and her mind tripped over thestaggeringdifference and the supposition of where on earth he purchased his shirts.A strong jaw, firm chin, three sets of glossy black eyes leading to and framing glimmering, dark blue human-looking eyes, fringed in heavy dark lashes.His eyes were just as striking as they’d been that first day she’d led him up the staircase, and she might have been able to convince herself that this huge, muscular stranger was a relation, a visitor her spindly tenant was entertaining ...but there was no way those eyes could have been replicated in another.His handsome face was as unsmiling as she remembered it.
“Anzan?”she gasped, hardly able to believe her eyes.Hallucinating again.It must be the salvia, probably need to pitch the whole batch ...The figure before her moved, massive and oh-so-real, and she backed into the wall, desperate to stay upright.Somehow, her frail, unhealthy tenant had been transformed over the spring and summer to the heavily-built model specimen before her, and Ladybug couldn’t account for how or why.Had he managed to bring a weight machine up the attic stairs without her notice?!He’s not pacing at night, he’s doing a kettlebell routine.Look at him!You should have tried harder to learn about araneaens.A cloying cloud of musk, primal and sexual, enveloped the narrow hallway, and the noise that came unbidden from her throat was nearly a moan.It was coming from Anzan, she realized, had been coming from him the whole time.“You-you’re looking well,” she managed to squeak, an understatement if there ever was one.
“Allow me.”
His voice was dark as pitch, rich and deep, wheezing with air no longer, like a silky slide of black satin that caressed the air around her, leaning in close.Ladybug closed her eyes, arching her back in surrender, presenting herself as willing prey ...only for her eyes to pop open in surprised bewilderment as he relieved her of the laundry basket, leaving her form unmolested.Good, that’s a relief.Right?The smooth wall provided little purchase as her hands scrabbled for hold, unable to pull her eyes from him as she inhaled deeply, feeling herself go cross-eyed for a moment from the overpowering smell that rolled off him, reminiscent of patchouli and copal and a sex-and-sweat-drenched field.It had been too long since she’d observed the sabbath in such a way, too long since she’d joined in a primal celebration of sex magick, and the itch beneath her skin that had been ignited by this thick, tumid smell clearly needed slaking.
Calm down, you’re like a cat in heat!The thought made her jolt, hands scrabbling anew as she stared up at those numerous, penetrating eyes.A heat.A heat!His scent glands were working overtime, and she realized, at last, it was likely a pheromone he was putting out — the swollen, heavy smell of sex, advertising his arousal, and slick pooled between her thighs anew as she breathed it in.Heats were a serious business, and she’d read more news stories than she could count over the years about fights and altercations that had taken place between residents in the grips of seasonal heats; the dental hygenist at her dentist’s office was a seasonal assistance aide on the side, and the goblin had confessed to making excellent money doing the job.But Anzan had clearly not sought out any method of easing his hormonal agony, and she wondered how long araneaen heats lasted.It’s been weeks!
“Please, pardon me ...”Dark and sinuous, his voice curled around her ear as he backed up and lowered himself, head bowing, allowing her to pass.“It was not my intention to startle you.”
Her feet felt leaden, each step more halting than the last as she shuffled past him awkwardly, the smell —that smell!— filling her like an empty pitcher, crowding out her loneliness and isolation until there was nothing left butwantandneed, the same desperation she heard in the pacing above her head each night.She didn’t know anything about araneaens, she thought for the millionth time in dismay, didn’t know anything about their mating habits or what he needed to make this heat pass, butsweet mercy, she wanted to give it to him, wanted to give him everything.
His eyes were the most vivid shade of blue she’d ever seen; a deep, rich cobalt, and they followed her as she edged past, causing the tiny hairs to raise on her neck and her spine to ripple, a sensation she’d felt before.Her monthly deipnon observance took place bare beneath the black sky in her well-shielded back garden, and although she’d never once seen anything that gave credence to the niggling feeling at the back of her mind, she was positive she had felt eyes upon her, on more than one occasion.The same tingle up her back, the same scrutiny that made her breathless ...but there was never anyone in the attic window, no sign that she was under surveillance.Still.He’d known she was outside during the Lammas sabbath, had been watching her closely enough that he’d had time to remake her doll without her notice, and the notion that he’d been watching her solitary, skyclad ceremonies made her mouth run dry.He can’t go on this way.
Stopping before the landing that led to the kitchen door, she turned to face him once more, unable to leave the stairwell without at least attempting to address the tension that seemed to ripple and fill the darkness each night.“Anzan ...you-you’ve been a perfect tenant.I’m very glad to have rented to you ...I–I hope you’ve settled in well here, that you’re enjoying Cambric Creek.”The crescent of her nails bit into the meat of her palm as her fists clenched, hating the way her voice shook and stammered.He had lowered himself further as she passed, his square chin pointing down to the ground, that same position of deference before her.It was a long moment before he spoke.
“Being permitted to stay under your roof is a great gift, and I value the honor and trust you’ve bestowed upon me despite my kind, even though I was a stranger to you.”
She swayed where she stood, expecting neither the sentiment nor the seriousness of his words.“Oh!Oh, I-I’m very glad to hear that.But Anzan ...if-if there’s anything you need ...anything at all ...”The smaller obsidian eyes blinked in a rippling wave of motion, but the larger cobalt eyes remained locked on hers as his head cocked slightly.“Please don’t hesitate to ask if there’s anything you need.”Ladybug licked her lips, feeling every bit the tiny insect under his scrutiny.The smell of him was nearly taking her off her feet, and her body was reacting to it in a most unseemly way — her nipples had tightened beneath her shift, and she pressed her thighs together so tightly she wondered if he would notice the way she trembled.Just ask him what he needs.This can’t go on forever.He was most active and agitated at night, she thought, when the house was enveloped in darkness and the smell of his arousal seeped into her dreams.“I’ve–I’ve not been sleeping very well lately, so there’s no bad time for you to ...if you need me for anything ...anything at all ...I’m just a knock away.”
His expression was inscrutable as he stared, nodding after a moment, inclining his head once more as she stepped through the door.Once the kitchen door clicked shut, she dropped the basket he’d set on the top step and slumped against the door, the thought of him there, just on the other side making something in her ache, the smell of him still heavy in the hallway.She was uncertain if she’d made her meaning clear, but whatever was happening beneath her roof had reached a breaking point, she was certain.
The little cat-shaped timer above the cauldron hook went off at that moment, and Ladybug jumped at the jarring noise, jolting her back to propriety and sense.She turned to her work, her book and cauldron and order queue, pushing away the confusing arousal and jumbled thoughts, her lungs still straining to breathe around him, unable to pull her mind free from the sucking morass of his need, and uncertain if she wished to do so at all.
* * *
Green to gold, thenfall away,
Candle burn and flower fade,
Lengthen night and shorten day,
The old window shook in its casement as moonlight stretched across the bedroom.The threat of rain hung over the town, and the promise of a soggy Mabon celebration lifted her spirits.
A witch who will not observe the sabbaths is not a witch at all.
If the moon was concealed under clouds and the streets awash in a chilly Autumn deluge, she didn’t have to think about the sisters who would be dancing in a field, lighting candles and chanting prayers to the Dark Mother.We have no choice but to cast you out.A group of women, bedraggled from the storm and gathered in someone’s basement; crowded and cramped as they performed the ancient ritual was far less covetous a scenario, after all.
