She had tried, Silva reminded herself, as she ran a brush through her shiny hair the following morning, as she fastened her earrings before work. She reminded herself as she smiled her bright smile, greeting the security guard at the office door and chatting cheerfully with her co-workers, before settling at her cubicle with grim determination. She had tried, and no one could say otherwise.
It had been three months since she’d taken that weekend trip with Lurielle and Ris, three months of throwing herself back into the dating scene and volunteering and everything that she was supposed to do, all the things that made herthe right sort. She'd tried. Every step she took that morning had a click of a surety she hadn’t felt in ages, for she had tried and she was done trying.
Lurielle was leaning on the counter in the otherwise empty break room when she came in to top off the hot water for her tea. Ris and Dynah had filled her in on the gossip she’d been oblivious to since she’d been dating Wynn—Lurielle was seeing someone, no one had met him yet, but she seemed completely over the moon.
“I am absolutelynotgoing naked horseback riding, so you can just stop suggesting it!” she’d been exclaiming with a laugh as Silva entered the room, ears darkening when she saw she was no longer alone before turning towards the refrigerator. “What time are you leaving today? Please make you bring his good leash–oh! Don’t forget his stuffed duckie! It’s his favorite...ok, Junie and I will see you in the morning, drive safe.”
Silva smiled into her paper cup as Lurielle’s ears darkened further, mumbling something Silva couldn’t quite catch before disconnecting the call.
“Fun weekend plans?” she asked with a smile once Lurielle turned back around, pulling a sleeve from the dispenser of the coffee machine.
“We’re going away for the weekend and he always manages to forget something!”
Silva seated herself at one of the round tables, sipping her tea. She was going to call Wynn when she got back to her desk, she told herself, call him and end it. She had tried, and her future wasn’t set in stone.
“How have you been?” Lurielle asked, pulling out her own chair. “I feel like I’ve been non-stop since we started this hydroponic thing...Dynah said you’re seeing someone?”
It was her turn to flush, nodding slowly. “Since the week we got back from our trip but...but I’m breaking things off with him. Today, actually.” She was surprised when her awkward laugh had the wobble of tears. “He’s not very nice to me.” Silva felt a shudder run up her back as a hand closed over hers, where it rested next to her paper cup of tea.
“Then that’s for the best, Silva,” Lurielle murmured evenly with a furrowed brow. “You deserve someone whoisnice to you, and that’s a pretty low bar, to be honest. You’re super sweet, you’re smart, you’re beautiful, everyone loves you...any guy would be lucky to have someone like you as a partner, and if this guy doesn’t recognize that, then his loss.”
She nodded, knowing Lurielle was right. She had tried. “How did you do it?” she blurted out, feeling heat steal up her neck. “H-how did just...stop caring? I mean...how did you walk away?” Pressure built in her face, and Silva considered that she’d cried more in the past three months than she had in the entire year. “I-I don’t feel like I’m ever going to be allowed to make a single decision for myself.”
Lurielle sat back in her chair, considering the younger elf before shrugging. “I just...did, I guess. It was a long time coming though. I’d had enough of feeling like I wasn’t good enough, never feeling comfortable in my own skin.”
Silva nodded as Lurielle hesitated, gripping her cup tightly before continuing with another shrug.
“Nothing I did was good enough for my mom. She drove me crazy about finding a boyfriend. I started dating Tev, then it was ‘why aren’t you engaged yet?’ She didn’t like the clothes I wore, would constantly drag me shopping and force me into clothes that didn’t fit my body type,thenbe mad that nothing looked good on me.”
Silva peered over the rim of her cup as Lurielle took a gulp of her coffee. She'd flushed as she spoke, the tips of her long ears a dull pink, but plowed on once she’d swallowed.
“They always made me feel bad about my body, her and Tev both. I expected it from her, but from him it was like...why are you with me then? I felt bad about myself so I didn’t want to go out, didn’t want to go anywhere, which just made it worse. Tev wasn’t nice to me either, so please take it from someone older who’s been there, Silva...you don’t need to put up with that. There are good guys out there, don’t settle. Don’t let someone else make the decision of what’s right for you.”
The future isn’t written in stone.
“Your new boyfriend’s not like that?”
Lurielle’s eyes softened at the question, a smile pulling involuntarily at her full lips, and Silva felt a tug of envy for the immediate change in her friend’s demeanor.
“No, he’s...he’s not like that at all. He makes mefeelbeautiful. He says it too, and that’s nice, but he makes me feel it, which is just...I’ve never had that before. He’s amazing, total package, but Khash acts likeI’mthe catch!”
“But youarea catch! And you’re brave! I-I wish I could be that brave.”
Silva of the daylight hours was a meek, obedient little mouse, after all.Your life is your own to shape, dove.Tate’s voice was a distant curl around her ear, and the bruise on her shoulder tingled.
“Youcanbe,” Lurielle countered, leveling Silva with a serious look. “You can be, Silva. Your nana isn’t going to be around forever...do you really want to be stuck for the rest of your life with the choices you made just to make her happy for a few years?”
Two other employees entered the room then, and the conversation lapsed. To her relief, Lurielle didn't use the interruption as an excuse to leave. “So,” Silva murmured, clearing her throat once the room was empty once more, “naked horseback riding?”
Lurielle squeaked, hiding her face as her shoulder shook in mortified laughter. “My boyfriend thinks he can sweet talk me into anything,” she laughed, “but I amnotdoing that!”
“What kind of stable even offers such a thing?!”
Lurielle gave a swift glance around the room, ensuring they were still alone. “The place we went on our trip. That’s where we met.”
Silva felt her jaw drop in shock. The night she’d met Elshona, the night Lurielle had looked so pretty, not going with Ris to the bonfire party...the ramifications hit her with the force of a freight train. “Your boyfriend is anorc?!” she gasped. “Did-did you tell your mom?”
“Not yet,” Lurielle admitted. “She’s going to lose her mind, which believe me, is another check in his favor.” Silva dissolved into giggles as Lurielle continued. “We’re going back up to the resort this weekend, just to relax, we’ve both been going non-stop with work.”
