I abandon the pizza. Walk to the couch. Sit down.
Can’t look away.
Blue Ox loses. 4–2.
The announcers are already talking about the next game. “They face Chicago again tomorrow night in the second game of this back-to-back series. Let’s hope Kane can shake off whatever’s bothering him and get his head back in the game.”
I turn off the TV. Silence rushes in, pricking my ears.
I look at the publishing letter still sitting on the counter.
Look at my sketchbook on the coffee table. It’s sitting on top of my Bible.
Which of course tugs at me. I pick it up, and it falls open to where last Sunday’s bulletin is marking the page with this week’s verse printed at the top:
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
I read it once. Then again.
Give up.
“All right, God, what are You trying to show me here? Because I’m lost.”
The silence stretches, fills the room with a holy stillness. And I listen. I wait.
I close my eyes, my heart slowing, settling. My fingers trace the edges of my Bible, fidgeting while I wait, then catch on a sharp edge.
My eyes open. I’m looking at a weathered piece of paper tucked between the pages. It’s folded and creased, lined pink paper—a remnant of the early days. From that summer after high school, when I first started taking my faith more seriously.
I unfold it carefully.
God doesn’t love you because you’re good enough. He loves you because you’re His.
I stare at the words, and that’s when I feel it—that little tug again.
My power is made perfect in weakness.
Not in strength. Not in performance. Not in earning it or deserving it or being good enough.
Inweakness.
Well, goody, because I have that in spades.
Except I think about the publishing offer. Better terms. More money. Without me doing anything to earn it.
I think about Brody. Loving me when I was broken and struggling and falling apart.
But what if all of that was grace?
What if that’s the point?
I’ve spent a lot of my life trying to prove I was worth loving.
But what if I simply stop being afraid of being rejected? Stop trying to earn love and be brave enough to give it. Unconditionally.
A little like Jesus did.
I know what I have to do.
