The balcony doors are wide open on both sides of the altar, giving a near panoramic view of the ocean out the back.
I take a step closer to the altar, and a side door that leads to the church office opens.
An aged man steps out into the sanctuary, his gaze trained on the Bible in his hands. Sensing he’s not alone, though, he stops and looks up at me, his smile friendly. “Tessa Lane.”
I should say hi and then turn back toward the fellowship hall, but the ache in my heart is only growing as I stand here.
“Hi, Pastor Reeves.”
“You’re—are you okay?” His light gaze darkens with concern.
“I’m okay. Just—” I take a deep breath and let it out with a soft sigh. “I’m not entirely sure why I’m in here, to be honest. I guess I just needed a few minutes of quiet.”
“Something I understand quite well,” he replies. “And I’m so glad you did find yourself in here.” He starts to reach out, but I flinch, then instantly kick myself for it when he withdraws his hand. That friendly smile I’ve always remembered stays in place, though.
He’d been another one who tried so hard to get me to turn my dad in. Though he was far gentler than most.
“Come, sit, Tessa.” He gestures toward a front pew.
I should head back. Zane could be looking for me.
So why am I following him down the aisle and taking a seat beside him on the pew?
“I don’t know why I came here today,” I repeat. “I don’t even know what to believe anymore.” I still haven’t even touched the Bible Zane gave me. It just sits there on the table where I left it that first day…waiting for me.
“Why is that?”
“Life,” I reply. “How could I believe a loving God is walking alongside me when I can’t ever seem to stay on my feet?” My throat constricts, and I stand. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come here.”
“You’re lost.” It’s not a question.
I meet his gaze. “You’re the second person to tell me that today.” I take a deep breath. “But how can I be lost when I don’t feel like I was ever found?”
“You know, I remember the day you first walked through those doors.” He smiles at the memory, and I find myself sinking back into the pew. “You were afraid; I could see it on your face, but there was this light within you.” He shakes his head. “It shone brighter than most I’d seen because, unlike some others, it had experienced true darkness.”
My eyes fill.
“You were born into an incredibly dark situation, Tessa,” he says softly. “But that has never defined who you are.”
“I don’t think I ever had a chance.”
“That’s not true,” he replies. “Your parents may have chosen one path, but you chose another.”
I shake my head. “I left. I ran like a coward, Pastor Reeves. I wasn’t kidnapped. I wasn’t killed. I ran because I was so afraid that my darkness would taint Zane. The truth is, I let my dad set me on a path, and I took it without looking back.”
Pastor Reeves reaches over and takes my hand in his. He pats it gently as he did so many years ago. “I know you ran away. Or, at least, I assumed.”
“What?” I turn toward him. “How?”
“I saw you at your father’s funeral.”
I stare at him, shocked that he saw me and didn’t say anything. There were only four people in attendance that day.
Pastor Reeves.
Officer Leopold.
Zane Knox.
