Zane smiles softly, then gently sets the sand dollar aside. Meanwhile, I cling to the tiny white doves in my hand.
“I’ve killed people,” he says. “More than last night. But I only ever took a life when there was no other choice.”
“I believe that.”
There’s a weight on him now, something that wasn’t there only a few moments ago, so I remain quiet as he gathers his thoughts. Zane has always been careful to think through things before he speaks.
It’s something I’ve always admired about him because it’s something I struggle with. Anger is as familiar to me as breathing.
“Six years ago, I made a mistake that led to the deaths of three civilians. It’s why I’m not in the Navy anymore.” He takes a deep breath. “My team and I—we were supposed to get in, gather intel, and get out. I made a call to rescue half a dozen women who were being held against their will. On the way out, two of them and our translator were killed.”
The weight of that one call weighs on him like cement. I can see it all over his face. “It sounds to me like you saved four lives.”
“My orders weren’t to pull them out.”
“Then they were not good orders.”
He smiles softly at me. “That’s not my call.”
“What about now? You said you do government work. That you put a stop to violence.”
“I work for a branch of the government that doesn’t technically exist. They were going to court-martial my entire team, and to avoid prison sentences for all of us, I agreed to a no-end-in-sight contractual obligation to do as I’m told without asking questions.”
“Zane.”
“It’s a glorified prison sentence, but at least I get to be here.” He gestures toward the open ocean.
“And the others? Weston, Ryker, Garrison, and Sawyer?”
“They won’t let me serve it alone, though they’re not tied to it like I am. It was the one request I made before accepting.”
“They were the team on the ground with you?” He nods, and my respect for the four men grows substantially.
“I’m telling you this because I need you to understand that I’m not who I was before. And I’m not looking for anything romantic between us because it’s an impossibility I can’t have.” He turns toward me, pain in his green gaze. “But I need you to see that you matter, Tessa. Because I don’t want to lose you again. Even if we can only be friends, I want you in my life.”
My breath catches, and my gaze momentarily drops to his lips. Soft, gentle lips that kissed away my pain for so many years that the feel of them is branded in my soul. “You can’t have anything romantic, or you don’t want it?”
“I don’t have anything firm to offer someone,” he says. “My life is fluctuating constantly. There is no future where I see myself free of these chains. Not until I’m in a wooden box and buried six feet down.”
The crude truth of his statement makes my chest ache at the mere thought of losing him. “What if you found someone who wanted what you could offer? Who understood?” I’m approaching dangerous waters, but I can’t help myself. Today has rooted just how important Zane Knox is to me. And the one thing standing in our way is gone—right? My dad’s not coming back, and he’s no longer an obstacle.
What if Zane could forgive me?
What if I could forgive myself?
“I honestly don’t know,” he says softly. Our gazes hold a moment, and the moment grows heavy with things unsaid. Until Zane claps his hands on both thighs, then stands. “We have to get back to the boat because I have cake.”
“What kind of cake?”
“Double chocolate with peanut butter frosting. What else?”
I grin, delight rising inside my chest, creating a warmth that hasn’t been there in quite some time. “Can I take these?” I ask, holding out the doves.
“Here.” He holds out his hand, so I dump them inside. He slips them into the pocket of his shorts and zips it up. “I’ll keep them safe for you.”
“Thanks.” Our gazes hold, and Zane leans down to take my hand. Connection shoots through me, desire coursing through my veins like lightning in a bottle.
The first time he kissed me was on this island.
