But I’m not feeling any of those things. All I’m feeling is… anger. Disgust. The desire to get as far away from that man as possible.
My gaze scans the room again, searching for Iris. I find her playing air hockey with Wendy, our receptionist. She laughs, giving a little whoop as she scores a goal, the sound burrowing into my heart. She’s changed my life. Turned my world upside down.
And I have to ask myself, if I could find a way to be with Irisandbe partner, do I even want it anymore?
31
AIDAN
The team-building evening wraps up at nine. I desperately want to take Iris back to my place, but as everyone trickles out into the parking lot, it becomes clear there’s no way to get her in my car without someone seeing.
It’s probably for the best. I’m still processing the events of the evening, and need to get my head on straight. Instead, I pull her aside to remind her we’re visiting the Bushwick studios tomorrow to sign off on their completion, letting my hand brush hers. It’s not enough, not nearly enough, but it’s all I can have.
For now.
When I climb into my Mercedes, I find myself restless. Soph had her appointment today, and I’ve been meaning to check in. I push thoughts of John away as I merge onto the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway, determined to focus on my sister.
She smiles as she opens the door, and it’s a relief to see her looking better. I pull her into a hug, realizing I haven’t brought food like usual, but she ushers me inside and puts the kettle on to make tea, then we move into the living room. I sink into the armchair by the window with a steaming mug, and she settles onto her sofa, folding her legs under her.
“How did it go?” I ask. “You had your appointment today?”
She nods, blowing on her tea. “It went… well. I think. But there’s something…” She lets out a nervous breath, and I touch her arm.
“Hey, come on. You know you can tell me anything.”
She laughs faintly. “I know, but it’s just…” She shrugs. “I look at you, and you have your life together, whereas I…”
A wry snort escapes me as I remember sneaking off with Iris on that mini golf course. “My life isn’t nearly as together as you think,” I mutter.
Sophie tilts her head, opening her mouth as if to ask what I mean, and I pretend to be fascinated by my tea. She narrows her eyes, giving me a wry smile. The kind that tells me she knows I’m not sharing something, but she’ll let it go. For now.
“Well, anyway.” She takes a deep breath, cradling her tea, and says in a rush, “It turns out I have ADHD.”
I frown. “What?”
“Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder,” she clarifies.
“No—” I shake my head. “I know what it is, but I thought that’s what little kids have? When they can’t sit still in class?”
Soph huffs a laugh. “Most people do.”
I set my tea on the coffee table, focusing intently on my sister. “Tell me about it.”
“It explains a lot about me,” she murmurs. “I thought it was what you said too, but it’s different in girls. Even more so in women.”
“How?”
“For us, it can look more like…” She laughs, pulling out her phone. “Typical that I can’t remember. Forgetfulness is one of the symptoms. Damn executive dysfunction.”
I frown. “What does that mean?”
“It means… my brain gets stuck sometimes. It can’t do stuff other people can do easily.”
“Like what?”
“Like… doing a load of laundry, or the dishes. Or”—she cringes—“responding to an email from a gallery that wants to show my work.” She chuffs an uncomfortable laugh, looking at her hands. “I know it sounds dumb, but it’s like… my brain can’t prioritize what to do. Or… can’t find the energy to start. I get so overwhelmed, and just shut down.”
Compassion weaves through me, thinking about my sister struggling. I know things are tough for her sometimes, but not like this.
