I sigh, turning away. Why the hell is the universe doing this to me? First, I fail college. Then, my dad forces me to work for him. Now, I’m being reminded of how long it’s been since I’ve had a date.
I mean, it’s not like I don’t try. I’ve done the dating apps, gone to bars, the usual stuff; met cute guys and kissed them and put out when expected, but so few of them held my interest. They were either so boring I kept zoning out during our conversations, or so vanilla in bed I had to fake my orgasms. I can’t explain why, but I’ve learned I need a certain level of intensity in bed, and most guys aren’t up to the task. If I everdidfind a guy I actually liked, I’d invariably do something to put them off. I’d be too emotional—toomuch—and they’d run. There are only so many times a girl can go through that before she realizesshe’sthe problem.
“These are so good,” he says, and I glance back. When I look closer, I notice threads of silver in both his hair and beard, confirming my suspicion that he’s older—I’d guess around forty-three, maybe forty-four. There’s something inexplicably sexy about that.
“Yeah,” I agree. “They’re from a place uptown, near Columbia University.”
He snorts. “That’s miles away.”
I shrug. “I’m a student there.” I realize too late I’ve said it in the present tense, but when his brows rise in what appears to be admiration, I decide to leave it. As stupid as it is, he’s a total fox and obviously successful, if the suit and fancy watch are anything to go by. I can’t bring myself to tell him I flunked out.
“What are you studying?” he asks, lifting his beer bottle to his lips. The interested sparkle in his eye makes me glance away in shame, because I’m not studying anything, am I? I’m not doinganythingwith my life.
I examine the frosting on the half-eaten cupcake, as if I can find the answers there. The stranger twists in his seat to look at me more carefully, his brow pinching in concern.
“Seriously,” he murmurs, setting his beer down. “Are you okay?”
I inhale deeply, contemplating his words. Am I okay? No.WillI be okay?
Also no.
I glance at him, taking a swig from my gin and tonic, unable to stop the words from spilling from my mouth. “Have you ever worked really hard on something for ages, but it still doesn’t turn out the way you want?”
He gazes at me for a long moment. “Yes, actually.”
My lips part in surprise. His brow furrows pensively, and for a second I feel a flash of kinship, a connection with him. Another human being who’s also struggled to make things happen.
“Well…” I breathe out. “Today is one of those days.”
He nods, his eyes softening with compassion. Tiny creases fan out around them as he gazes at me, a feature I never knew I could find attractive. I’m beginning to wonder if there is a single thing about this man I wouldn’t find attractive.
“I’ve been there,” he says gently. “It will get better, I promise.”
I say nothing. How can it get any better? I’ve sunk two and a half years into a qualification I can’t finish, and I’m trapped under my father’s thumb for the foreseeable future.
He sighs beside me, glancing at his watch. “I don’t have to be back at the office for a while. If you want to talk, I’m a good listener.” His gaze strays back to the box of cupcakes. “Especially if my mouth is full.”
Despite myself, a laugh slips out of me. “Thanks,” I say, pushing the cupcake box closer. His eyes light as he selects a chocolate one with mint frosting and takes a bite.
“So.” He swallows, reaching for his beer to take a sip. “Spill.”
I exhale slowly, fiddling with the straw in my drink. “It’s just… I’ve made some stupid mistakes,” I say vaguely. “And I’ve kind of… lost control of my life.” I think I’m done, but the next words rush from me without permission. “It feels like everyone around me knows something I don’t, like I’m the only one who wasn’t told the secret to life. Everyone manages things so effortlessly, but for me…” I shake my head, trying to put the feelings into words. “For me it’s like, no matter how hard I try, I can’t get anything right. Like I’m missing some huge piece of the puzzle.” I glance at him, huffing an embarrassed laugh as I add, “If that makes any sense at all.”
He nods, gaze distant as if thinking of someone he knows. “It does. But…” His eyes come back to mine, and he cocks his head, assessing me. “You’re… what, early thirties?”
I hesitate, then nod. I’m only twenty-six, but he doesn’t need to know that. He doesn’t need to know I’ve screwed up my life before it’s even begun.
“You’ve got plenty of time to figure things out,” he says reassuringly. “Until then, you just have to pretend you know what you’re doing.”
Something eases a little inside me, and I take a sip from my drink, the alcohol warming me from within. “When did you figure everything out?”
The corner of his mouth hooks into that smile again as he watches me. “Who says I did?” He reaches for his cupcake, and crumbs gather in his beard as he chews. I can’t help but giggle, fighting the urge to reach out and brush them away. The gin makes me loose and flirty, and I like it. It’s a hell of a lot better than feeling sorry for myself.
“You, uh, have a little…” I gesture to his beard, and he laughs, scrubbing a hand over it.
“One of the hazards of having a beard.” He strokes it in contemplation for a moment. “Maybe I should shave it off. Women always complain about it.”
I feel the most inappropriate flare of jealousy at the mention of other women. Like… what?Why? I don’t even know this guy.
