I stare at the grain in the wooden table top. If only she knew.
As the two of them head to the bar, the ball of nerves inside my gut tightens. I pick up a menu, trying to ignore the way my palms are sweating, trying to think of anything other than Luke sitting right beside me.
“Hey,” he says, keeping his voice low. “I’m sorry if I was weird last night.”
When I lift my gaze to his, I have to remind myself to keep breathing. “Well, it is a weird situation. But I don’t really get why you’re desperate to keep it a secret.”
His jaw tightens. “We just have to. Okay?”
“Why?” I ask, annoyed by the pang I feel. “Was itthatterrible? Do you regret it that much?” And then it dawns on me. “Wait, oh my God, is that why you left? It was so bad that you couldn’t face me afterward?”
His lips part in shock. “No! Is that really what you think?”
I shrug, peeking over his shoulder to check that Michael and Alex are still out of earshot. They’re standing at the bar, kissing, for God’s sake.
“No, Harriet. It wasn’t… that’s not it at all. Didn’t you get my note?”
I level my gaze back at Luke. “Yes, but it was still humiliating.”
At least he has the decency to look ashamed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to humiliate you, but I knew that if I sat down beside you again, if I looked at you again…” He shakes his head. “I didn’t trust myself not to ask for your number.”
My heart skitters. In his note he did say he wished he could see me again, but I guess I hadn’t really believed it until now. This is not helping things.
He looks over his shoulder then back to me. “But my life is really complicated right now, and that wouldn’t have been the right thing to do either.” He pauses, his brow furrowed as his eyes search mine. “You’re right, though. I shouldn’t have left without saying anything. I guess I thought it would be easier if we just… never saw each other again.”
I fiddle with the menu, processing this. I’m tempted to laugh at the irony, with us now being stuck together over the following weeks, but what comes out is a sigh. “Look, it’s fine. It was a crazy, impulsive thing to do, and it was really fun…” I trail off when his frown is replaced by a grin that makes my mouth go dry.Get it together. “But now we are in this awkward situation, which neither of us saw coming, and—”
Shit.
I spot Alex and Michael heading our way and lean back, whipping the menu up in front of me. I will my slamming heart to return to normal, hoping Alex can’t read my face.
Michael places my whiskey in front of me and I mumble a “thank you.” As Alex and Michael take a seat again, I tune out their chatter and focus on the menu. The waiter appears shortly after and we order. I’m relieved by the distraction of it all, but once he’s taken our menus I feel naked, with nothing to focus my attention on except the others.
“So,” Luke says casually, “have you done any sightseeing, Harriet?”
“Um, not yet.” I chew on my lip. “To be honest, I’m not really into the crowds and everything.”
“But you’ll want to see some of the main places, right?” Michael asks. “Go up the Empire State Building?”
Alex turns to Michael. “I think Harri is kind of intimidated by the city, and I totally get that. I was terrified when I first came here, remember?” She nudges Michael and he nods.
I glance down at my hands, embarrassed.
“If you’ve never been here before it can be overwhelming,” Luke says, and I send him a grateful smile.
“There are a few places I’d like to show you.” Alex twirls her glass thoughtfully. “The only thing is… I haven’t done any writing since you arrived, and it’s starting to stress me out.”
“Why don’t you give me a few wedding things to do while you get some work done, and we can hang out later?” I suggest.
“Really? That would be so great. Maybe you and Luke could work on the seating chart.”
Despite myself, pleasure swoops through me at the thought of seeing Luke again soon. Spending time with him might be fun.
No. That’s a dangerous thought.
“Is that okay?” Alex asks.
I meet Luke’s gaze and hesitation flashes in his eyes. For a second I think he’s going to say no, and hope and dread mix into an uncomfortable cocktail in my chest.
