“Sorry, wrong apartment,” I say, hastily backtracking through the door.
“Wait!” Luke wanders out of the kitchen, grinning. “Harriet, come in here.”
I blink, taking in his familiar, tall figure and the huge smile lighting his handsome face. My feet have a mind of their own as they lead me back inside, and I peel my eyes away from him to take in the space around us, my jaw hanging open.
It’s not the wrong apartment, but everything is different. Gone are the gleaming, sterile, white surfaces, the chrome and LED lights. He’s stripped back the carpet to reveal wooden floorboards which are stained a dark chocolate brown. The walls, once blindingly white, are Prussian blue, and the bright lighting has been replaced with yellow bulbs which give the place a warm, golden glow. The kitchen has been redone with a dark granite countertop, the white sofa has been replaced with a chunky, tan leather three-seater, and his fancy gaming wall panel is gone. In its place is an exposed brick wall, and a low wooden cabinet with the TV sitting right on top—not hiding.
“What do you think?” Luke’s voice is close behind me and I spin around, breathless.
“It’s… It’s… Wow.” I’m shaking my head, trying to process how different the place feels from before. It’s like night and day. And this isfresh—I can smell the paint. I notice he’s kept the huge metal bookshelves along the wall, and I’m glad.
Luke cocks his head, keeping his eyes on mine. “You like it?”
“Iloveit,” I breathe.
He nods, not saying anything more.
Now’s your chance, the rational voice in my head says.Tell him the truth.But my lips won’t move. Instead, I drink in the man before me like an oasis in the desert. He’s had a haircut recently, and his beard is thicker. His eyes look tired, but they’re sparkling as they silently roam my face, making my pulse rush. He’s wearing jeans and a black long-sleeved tee with theStar Warslogo on it, and when I spot a clock on the kitchen wall in the shape of the Millennium Falcon, I think my heart is going to burst.
This man… look at him. I love him so much it hurts. He’s everything.
“I got back from Houston two days ago,” he says at last. “But I couldn’t call you. Not until I was ready. I wanted to make sure this place was perfect when I asked you to move in with me.”
My breath stills in my lungs. “What?”
“I told you I would do everything I could to make up for what I did at the wedding. I let you down in the worst way, at the worst time, and I didn’t want to face you until I could prove that I wouldn’t let you down again. Alex told me you’re sticking around for a while, and”— he shrugs, his mouth lifting into a shy smile—“I was hoping you might… move in here.”
Holy fuck. Is he for real?
“I love you.” The words jump from my mouth before I can register what I’m saying. Seeing him again—in this dream apartment that he’sasking me to share with him—I can’t think straight.
His eyes light with surprise, the smile on his face growing wider, but I can’t enjoy it. I need to come clean.
“But there’s something I have to tell you.” I swallow, knowing it’s now or never. “I lied to you, Luke. I told you I was someone who loves to be adventurous, who goes skydiving and lives life on the edge. I told you those things because you were a stranger on a plane and I thought I’d never see you again. Then, the more time we spent together, the more it seemed like you liked that wild side of me and the more I became afraid that if you knew the truth you wouldn’t like the real me.”
His face softens and he opens his mouth to speak, but I can’t stop now. My heart is knotted into a tight ball in my chest, my breathing shallow as I keep going.
“The real me doesn’t seek out thrills, because most of the time I’m too scared. I didn’t even want to come to New York for Alex’s wedding, I was so afraid of the city. I let you believe I was someone who loves to do crazy, outrageous things, and I shouldn’t have. Because that’s not who I am.” I stop here, thinking I’m done, but more words come spilling out, desperate to be heard. “Since the wedding, I’ve learned something, though. I thought I had to be fearless, but I don’t. What really matters is being brave—choosing to act, even if I’m scared.” Tears well in my eyes and I swipe at them quickly before they fall. “So I might not be the woman I told you I was on the plane, but I’m learning how to look at things that scare me and not let them win. And that includes telling you the truth, telling you I’m in love with you, and hoping you still want me.” My voice is so shredded with emotion it’s barely audible, but it doesn’t matter. I have no words left.
Luke gazes at me for what feels like an eternity. “You’re wrong,” he says at last, and my pulse crashes.
“What?”
“You said you’re not wild, but I’ve seen that side to you. On the trapeze, skinny-dipping in the lake, in the reception hall that night, and fuck”—he gives a little grunt, his eyes glinting—“that time I bent you over the kitchen island… You are wild. You makemewild. I think we bring out that side in each other.”
In spite of everything, a smile touches my lips. He’s right. I might not be naturally adventurous, but with him I’ve done more outrageous things than I ever have. Hedoesmake me want to be wild.
“Harriet…” Luke takes a step towards me, shaking his head with a funny little smile. “You are the bravest, most amazing woman I’ve ever met. I don’t care about some stupid lie you told me when we were strangers, because I know who you are now. I know you were bullied in high school and you had panic attacks and it scared you. I know you love books and games, that you’re anxious when you’re on the subway, that you dream of running your own cafe. I know how you like to be touched, what makes you feel good, what makes you feel safe. I know that you’re sweet and caring and you’ll do anything for your sister—or anyone who asks for your help.” He pauses, his eyes gleaming, and my heart takes off at a gallop. “Idoknow you, Harri. And if there’s anything else I don’t know, then I want to get to know it. Because I’m in love with you, too.”
I press my eyes shut, letting tears spill down my cheeks. His words pour over me, a balm to my raw heart, my frazzled nervous system, my anxious mind. All that worrying, but he wants me just as I am. He always has.
When I open my eyes, I find him watching me hopefully, his cheeks moist. I step forward and reach a hand up to him, dragging my thumb over his cheek.
“Are you sure?” I whisper. “Are you sure you don’t care that I’m not fearless?”
His eyes crinkle into a smile, his hands settling on my waist. “The only thing I care about is you—is having you in my life. And since you’re sticking around, will you stick around here, with me?”
I nod eagerly. Because now that I know he’s in love with me—therealme—fuck. That’s all I want.
