“Oh,” I mumble, my heart snagging on his words.Not too bad.I’ve been a wreck—an angry, sad wreck—but he’s just business as usual. “That’s good about the job.”
“Yeah, it is.” He tilts his head, eyes traversing my face, and I feel a pinprick of hope.
“Myles… is there any chance, after everything…”
He breathes out hard, his gaze dropping to his shoes. “I can’t keep doing this with you, Cat.” Then he reaches into his pocket and holds his hand out. Sitting in his palm is my key. “You should take this.”
All the hope drains from me and my heart squeezes so hard that I almost choke. How could I have been so stupid to ruin this? How could I have lost the best thing that has ever happened to me?
When I don’t reach for the key, he steps forward and presses it into my palm. There’s the briefest touch of his fingers against my skin, and my chest collapses in on itself.
“I’ve got to get ready for work,” he mumbles. “I’ll… see you around.” Then without meeting my gaze, he turns on his heel and strides down the street, out of sight.
I stare after him, holding my breath to stop the tears I can feel gathering. They’re burning my eyes, making my throat close, and I can’t stand it. I can’t stand to think about what I’ve done.
Instead, I climb the front steps numbly, let myself into the apartment, and crawl back into bed.
* * *
I’m awake earlythe next morning, even though I want nothing more than to sleep. I’ve had a restless night, tossing and turning, the ache in my chest keeping me up. Misery has wrapped itself around my limbs, and when there’s a knock at the door, I can’t even bring myself to answer.
But I hear a key, and then I hear the door open and close. It will be Geoff, no doubt, coming to check on me. I don’t want to see him. I’m not trying to push him away, I just… don’t have the energy to face anyone.
Especially not myself.
But my bedroom door is nudged open, and I’m surprised to see Cory’s face appear through the crack.
“Hey, sis,” he murmurs into the darkness of my room. I watch the outline of his tall figure as he crosses over to the curtains and opens them a little. Light slices through the space, illuminating Cory’s concerned face as he comes around to the bed, sinking down beside me. He smooths a hand over my hair with a deep sigh, and something inside me shatters.
“He’s not a bad guy,” I choke out.
“What?”
“Myles. He’s not a bad guy. He’s not like Dad, he’s not like Mark. He’s nothing like them and… I’ve lost him.” I feel a sob climbing my throat and I try to swallow it. “I love him and I’ve lost him,” I whisper.
There’s silence for a while, then Cory finally asks, “You love him?”
Before I can stop it, the sob escapes my mouth into the quiet of my room. I glance at Cory, horrified, but it’s too late—the sob is followed by another, and another, until tears are streaming down my face, and Cory pulls me into his shoulder, holding me tight.
“Oh, Cat,” he murmurs as I sob against his shirt. “It’s okay.”
“It’s n-not,” I stammer between sobs. “I’ve l-lost him. I was scared and I lost him.” I press my face against Cory’s shoulder, finally letting myself cry the tears I’ve been fighting for so long—the tears I held back when I felt powerless with Mark and the store, when Mel betrayed me, when that guy at the bar forced himself on me. The tears I held in when Myles walked away from me.
Cory holds me tightly, rubbing my back, whispering soothing things. I don’t know how long we stay like that, but I cry until I’ve got no tears left, until there’s a huge puddle on his shoulder, until my chest heaves its last sob.
When I finally pull away, I feel so empty and tired, I just sag back against my pillow and stare at the comforter, hollow and spent.
“I know he’s not a bad guy,” Cory says at last. “He told me to come and check on you. He was worried.” Cory squeezes my shoulder. “That night after I saw you together, I ripped into him. We ended up talking, and you’re right. He’s nothing like Dad. I’m so sorry I made you think that.” Cory is quiet for a minute, then adds, “Did you tell him you love him?”
“No,” I whisper. “It was too late.”
“What?”
“It’s too late,” I repeat in a daze. Even though I’ve been in bed since yesterday, I’m suddenly so tired that I feel like I could sleep forever. I settle my head back against the pillow as my limbs grow heavy.
“Did you look at the website he made you?” Cory asks, but the fog of sleep is creeping over me and I don’t answer. “It’s not too late,” I hear him say as I drift off. “Just look at the website.”
37
