Christina hung her head in shame. “No, John, he never had to rape me. He had patience—he took his time and slowly brought my body to life. Please understand this, John—I hated him, but at the same time I wanted him. He stirred fires in me that I never knew existed. He made me a woman.”
She started crying again. John felt miserable for blaming her for something that she couldn’t help. But why did she defend the bastard?
John leaned across the table and lifted her face to look into her soft blue eyes.
“It’s all right. It wasn’t your fault. It was the same thing as if he’d raped you.”
“I fought him, but it was the same way every time. I tried to escape, but he threatened to find me and beat me if I did it again. I was deathly afraid of him at first, but as time passed, I feared him less. I even stabbed him once, and yet he did nothing. And then another tribe stole me, and he almost died getting me back. I realized then that I was in love with him. I didn’t fight him after that, John. I couldn’t fight the man I loved. If you can’t forgive me for that, I’m sorry.”
“I forgive you, Crissy. There are no rules in love. But you said you hate him now. Why do you keep defending him?”
“I’m not defending him!”
“Then tell me his name so I can track him down. He deserves punishment for what he did to you.”
“His people called him Abu.”
“And his last name?”
“Oh, John—it doesn’t matter. I don’t want to see him punished.”
“Damn it, Crissy!” John yelled, slamming his fist down on the table. “He used you and then sent you back to me for the reward.”
“Reward?”
“Yes. The man who brought you here asked for the money, so I gave it to him.”
Christina slumped back in her chair, a slight grin on her lips.
“I might have known Rashid would do that. He takes money wherever he can find it. Abu will probably never know Rashid took the reward. And that’s not why Phi—why Abu sent me back. He is sheik of his tribe, he has no need of money. He even turned down a sack full of jewels once.”
“You started to call him something else,” John said, raising one eyebrow.
“Well—he has another name, but it’s not important.” She stood up and finished the last of her sherry. “Can we forget about it now, John? I want to put him from my mind forever.”
“Can you do that, Crissy?” He looked at her skeptically. “You still love him, don’t you?”
“No!” she wailed, but then she bit her lip and the tears welled in her eyes again. “Oh, God—yes! I can’t help it. Why did he have to do this to me, John? I love him so—I want to die!”
John held her close, feeling her pain. He couldn’t stand to see her hurting like this—tearing her heart out over a man who didn’t deserve her love.
“It will take time, Crissy, but you will forget him. You’ll find a new love—someone who will give you the kind of life you deserve.”
TWO MONTHS HAD passed since Philip sent her away. Christina tried desperately to put him out of her mind. But she thought about him constantly. She prayed each day that he would change his mind and come for her. But he didn’t come. She couldn’t sleep. She lay awake every night wanting him, craving his hands on her, missing his body next to hers in bed.
Christina had seen no one since returning, except Kareen. She liked Kareen. She liked Kareen instantly the first time that John brought her to their small rooms. Kareen asked no questions of her, and soon they became good friends. Christina knew Kareen was in love with John, and she was glad John loved her in return. They spent many days together, and finally Christina confided everything to Kareen—everything except Philip’s real name.
She hid her unhappiness from John, but when she was alone she spent her time remembering and crying in her room. She neither went out nor received visitors, using the excuse that she didn’t feel well, which was actually the truth. It was much hotter in the city than it had been in the mountains. She suffered in the stifling humidity and the bad ventilation of the small apartment. She often felt dizzy and sick.
Christina knew she had to start living again, so she finally consented to receive the officers’ wives for tea.
At first they chatted politely about the weather, the opera, and the servant problem. But then the five middle-aged women started gossiping about people Christina didn’t know—and didn’t care to know. She mechanically turned them off with thoughts of Philip, but her attention returned when she heard her name spoken.
“As I was saying, Miss Wakefield, my husband was one of the men who helped search for you,” the heavyset woman said.
“So did my James,” another woman chimed in.
“We were all so worried when you couldn’t be found. We thought surely you must be dead after so long,” added another woman, biting into a delicate little cake.
