“I am sorry, Christina. But you cannot stay here. He ordered me to take you away before he returns.”
“Well, I won’t go. Let him tell me to my face he doesn’t want me.”
Rashid looked desperate. “Christina, we must go! I did not wish to tell you this, but you have forced me. Abu does not desire you any longer. He wants you out of the way so he can marry Nura when he returns.”
“Did he tell you this?”
“Yes,” Rashid said quietly, with his eyes downcast.
“When?”
“This morning—before he left. But he has spoken of it before. It was always expected that he would marry Nura. Now we must go. I will help you get your things.”
There was no point in staying to be tortured further. Christina went to the bedroom and opened the curtains. She wanted to have one last look at the room where she had spent so many happy nights. Why did she have to feel this way—why had she fallen in love with Philip? If she had continued to hate him, she would be happy at this moment. Instead, she felt as if her life had ended.
Then she remembered that she couldn’t ride through the desert as she was dressed now. She walked to the chest that contained all her clothes, took out her black velvet robe andkufiyah, and donned them quickly.
She would take nothing with her except the clothes she wore—not even the ruby-studded comb in her hair. She remembered how surprised she had been when Philip gave it to her for Christmas. She tossed it on the bed, for she wanted nothing that would remind her of him. But when she saw the looking glass that Rashid had given her, Christina thought of Amine. She picked it up and left the bedroom.
“Christina, we must get your things.”
She turned to face Rashid.
“I will take nothing that Philip has given me. I just want to say good-bye to Amine—and give her this,” Christina said, holding up the mirror. “I don’t want anything that will remind me of this place. But Amine has been a good friend to me, and I’d like to give her something. You understand, don’t you?”
“Yes.”
After looking once more around the main room, she left it quickly. Christina stopped in front of Amine’s tent and called her. A few moments later, Amine came outside, and Christina started crying again.
“What is wrong?” Amine asked as she rushed to her friend’s side.
Christina took Amine’s hand and placed the looking glass in it.
“I want to give this to you. Remember that I love you as a sister. I am leaving, and I came to say good-bye.”
“Where do you go? You will be back soon?” Amine asked, but she had already guessed that she would never see her friend again.
“I’m going back to my brother, and I won’t be coming back. I’ll miss you, Amine. You have been a true friend.”
“But why, Christina?”
“It doesn’t matter. I just can’t stay here any longer. Tell Syed and his brothers good-bye, and tell them I wish them well. Kiss little Syed and the baby for me, I would cry too much if I kissed them myself.” She smiled weakly at Amine and then put her arms around her. “I will think of you often. Good-bye.”
Christina ran to the corral where Rashid had the horses ready. He helped her mount Raven, and they rode out of camp together. When they were a little way down the hillside, Christina stopped and looked back at the camp. Through tear-filled eyes she saw Amine standing at the top of the hill, waving her hand with the mirror in it.
With a last glance behind her, Christina dug her heels into Raven’s sides and urged him into a suicidal pace. Rashid called out behind her, but she didn’t stop. She wanted to die. She felt she had nothing left to live for. If she died on Philip’s mountain, he might feel guilty for the rest of his life. But why should she let him know she couldn’t live without him? It wasn’t his fault that he no longer wanted her. And she did still love him. She hoped he’d be happy with Nura if that was what he wanted.
Christina slowed Raven to a steady pace. She’d think of some other way to end her life. But she’d wait so Philip wouldn’t find out about it. She thought of Margiana and how she had killed herself because of Yasir. Christina truly understood now the anguish and suffering a woman could feel.
The heat of the desert closed in, but Christina was oblivious to it. Her mind was so filled with misery that she felt nothing. She couldn’t understand why this was happening to her.
Night approached and passed, and the sun came again, but Christina could find no peace.
Questions tormented her. She raked her mind to find the answers, but there were none. Why—why didn’t he want her anymore? She was still the same person she had been four months ago. Her appearance was the same—only her feelings had changed. Why had Philip done this to her?
Was it because she had given in to him? Had he cast her aside because there was no longer a challenge? But that wouldn’t be fair—besides, that couldn’t be the reason, or he would have sent her away a month ago.
And what about this last month? It had been so beautiful—so wonderful and perfect in every way. Philip had seemed happy and content, just as she was. He had spent more time with her. He had taken her riding each day. He had spoken to her about his past, had opened up and given more of himself to her. So why was she here now? Why had Philip changed? Why? Why?
