“I am willing to forget the past.”
Brenna stiffened and drew back from him. “Willing to forget? Then you still do not believe me?”
“You swore you killed Cedric Borgsen, yet he lives, Brenna.”
“’Tis not possible!”
“I have seen him.”
“But—but he fell on my dagger, the one you gave me! He did not move. How could he live after that?”
“Cease pretending, Brenna!” Garrick said sharply. “I have said I will let the past die.”
“But you do not believe me!” she cried.
“I know why you left, Brenna, why you broke your word. ’Twas unforgivable the way I forced myself on you that last time. I took my anger out on you and I was wrong to do this. So you ran away, then returned, unwilling to admit the truth. But it does not matter anymore. I love you enough to forget it all.”
“But not enough to trust me?”
He turned away, giving her his answer without speaking. Selig started crying and Leala rushed to him. Brenna stared dismally at her son, feeling once again that he would never know his father. Her hopes had been brought so high, and now fell so devastatingly.
She felt crushed when Garrick looked at her with yearning, despite all that was said. How could he do this to her? Did he think this bridge between them would not matter?
“Leave, Garrick.” Her voice was shallow, her pain evident.
“I cannot wed you when I know you will never trust me.”
“Mayhaps in time—”
“Nay, there will always be this between us. I wish it were not so, for I will always love you, Garrick.”
“At least stay here, Brenna.” He looked at Selig, then at her again. “Do not take him so far away from me.”
Brenna choked on her emotions. God, it hurt to see his pain! “You think me heartless and selfish, but I cannot live this close to you, Garrick. To be near you, loving you, yet knowing there is no hope for us, is too painful.”
“You have time before you sail to change your mind, Brenna. You need only come to me.”
He left and Brenna cried her heart out on Leala’s shoulder. It did not help. Only putting a great distance between them would do so.
Spring came quickly and Brenna was told to prepare to leave in less than a fortnight. She heard this news with a heavy heart, yet she felt she had made the right decision. She could not stay near Garrick without having him, and she could not have him without his trust. If only it was not so important to her, that trust. But she knew with certainty that their love would not last without it.
She grieved most when she looked at her son, so unaware of the turmoil in their lives. She was denying him his father and his grandparents, being so utterly selfish. She considered leaving him here, but only for a brief moment. He was her life, and nothing on earth would ever separate them.
She could never forget the fear she had for him before he was born, even though she knew now how foolish she had been. And then she feared again when he was born so weak. Now he was strong and nothing could hurt him, save his mother’s decision to take him away. Thankfully, he would not remember, though she would.
She had prayed for a little girl with her own coloring who would not remind her of Garrick in any way. Selig had raven curls and sharp gray eyes, but more and more he was the image of his father. She could never forget Garrick when she cherished his son. Even if Selig had never been conceived, she would not forget Garrick.
Leala, to Brenna’s surprise, had agreed to sail with her. She had no family here, having lost her husband even before her newborn child. She claimed Selig was the only important one in her life, and she could not bear to part with him. Brenna’s relief was great. Even though her son no longer needed his wet nurse, Brenna had grown attached to this stout Norwegian woman.
On the morrow, Brenna would sail home. Leala had gone to bid her few friends farewell, and Brenna prepared to take Selig to see his father one last time. It would be the final time she would see him also, and her heart ached with this knowledge.
“Come, my sweet,” Brenna picked up Selig. “Your father does not know we are coming, but I am sure he will be pleased.” At the child’s inquisitive stare, she added, “Thank God you do not understand. For you, our journey across the sea will be an adventure. For me—”
She could not finish. Her pain was greater than it had ever been, but she still believed she had chosen the right course.
She started for the door, but it opened before she reached it. Garrick stood there, his face a mixture of sadness and yearning, yet there was also reluctance in his bearing. Brenna was sorry for that. She wished he would be forceful once more as he had been so often before. She wanted desperately to feel his arms around her one last time. But there was a wall between them. Brenna could not blame him for not believing her. After he told of seeing Cedric alive, she had begun to doubt herself.
“I should have sent word, Garrick. I was just leaving to bring Selig to you, so you could have this day with him.”
