All valid reasons, but they made cold bedfellows. Yet even if she was given a second opportunity, her answer would still have to be the same. She was, after all, Lady Katherine St. John. And Lady Katherine St. John could never take a lover, no matter how much she might secretly want to.
These thoughts filled her waking hours and only increased her sense of frustration. But she knew how to end it. All she had to do was play maid for the beautiful Princess. Nothing challenging in that. Then she would have the freedom of the ship, be able to catch glimpses of foreign coastlines, watch the sun rising and setting into the sea, in effect, enjoy the voyage.
Much as she despised the notion of acting the servant, she knew she would do it eventually. The Prince was clever in that respect. There was just so much she could take of her own company and having absolutely nothing to do. Even the clothing she was supposed to alter had been removed and given to others to work on. Hands idle, mind idle, she was bored silly.
But she wasn’t climbing the walls yet. And she wasn’t starving on her bread and water, since Marusia managed to sneak fruit and cheese in to her each day, and some of her meat-filled pastries, without the two guards stationed outside her door being the wiser. But that wasn’t why Katherine was still holding out. It was because Dimitri’s servants were begging her to give in. It seemed the Prince wasn’t taking her confinement by his order any better than she was, andthatgave her the incentive to hold out longer than she might have otherwise.
Lida was the first to make her aware of Dimitri’s attack of conscience. At least that was what Katherine assumed it must be, what with the girl swearing the Prince’s black mood would lift if Katherine would just be reasonable and do as he wanted. Lida didn’t know what it was he wanted, but as far as she was concerned, nothing could be so terrible or worth rousing his anger for, because when he was angry, everyone suffered.
Katherine said nothing to this. She didn’t defend herself, offer reasons, or make excuses. She didn’t scoff either. She heard the silence the first day of her confinement and knew something was definitely wrong. It was eerie, as if she were the only one alive on the whole ship. And yet she had only to open her door to see her two guards sitting in the corridor, quite alive, if utterly silent.
Marusia was even more enlightening later that same day. “I don’t ask what you did to displease the Prince. If it was not one thing, it would have been something else. I knew it was inevitable.”
That was too intriguing to let pass. “Why?”
“He has never met anyone like you,angliiskii. You have a temper to equal his. This is not so bad, I think. He loses interest very quickly in most women, but you are different.”
“Is that all I have to do, then, to make him lose interest in me? Keep my temper under control?”
Marusia smiled. “You want him to lose interest? No, don’t answer. I won’t believe you.”
Katherine took exception to that. “I thank you for the food, Marusia, but I really don’t care to discuss your prince.”
“I didn’t think you would. But this has to be said, because what you do affects not only you, but all of us.”
“That’s absurd.”
“Is it? We are all aware that you are the cause of Dimitri’s present bad temper. When he gets these dark moods at home, it doesn’t matter so much. He takes himself off to his clubs, to parties. He drinks, he gambles, he fights. He releases his ill humor on strangers. But on ship, there is no outlet. No one dares raise their voice above a whisper. His mood affects everyone, depressing everyone.”
“He’s just a man.”
“To you he is just a man. To us he is more. We know in our hearts there is nothing to fear. He is a good man and we love him. But hundreds of years of serfdom, of knowing that a single man has the power of life and death, the power to make you suffer cruelly at a whim, are fears not easily ignored. Dimitri is not like that, but he is still the master. If he is not happy, how can any of us be happy who serve him?”
Marusia had more to say each time she came. And Katherine welcomed the stimulating arguments that relieved the boredom. But she wasn’t willing to accept responsibility for what was happening outside her small cabin. If Dimitri’s servants were fearful of becoming the outlet for his ill humor because he had no other, what was that to her? She had stood up for her rights. She could have done no differently. If that put the great Prince out of sorts, she was secretly glad. It was too bad of him, however, to frighten his servants so much that they would come beseeching her to make things right with him. Why must she forsake her principles for virtual strangers?
But then Vladimir came on the third day, forcing Katherine to reevaluate her position. If he could humble himself, however stiffly, when she knew how much he disliked her, how could she continue adhering to her pride so selfishly? Truthfully, however, he gave her the excuse she needed to compromise.
“He was wrong, miss. He knows it, and this is the reason his anger is self-directed and growing worse instead of improving. Since he never had any intention of treating you like a prisoner, he undoubtedly assumed the threat of such treatment would be all that was necessary to bend you to his will. But he underestimated your resistance to his requests. Yet it is a matter of pride now, you understand. For a man to relent and admit he is wrong is harder than it is for a woman.”
“For some women.”
“Perhaps, but what can it cost you to serve the Princess, when no one of your own acquaintance will ever know?”
“You were listening at the door that night, weren’t you?” she accused him.
He made no effort to deny it. “It is my job to know my master’s wants and needs before he makes those needs known to me.”
“Did he send you here?”
Vladimir shook his head. “He has not spoken two words to me since he gave the order for your confinement.”
“Then how do you know he regrets that order?”
“Each day you remain in this cabin his mood grows blacker. Will you please reconsider?”
It was a magic word, please, especially coming from him, but Katherine wasn’t ready to let him off the hook yet. “Why can’thereconsider? Why mustIbe the one to give in?”
“He is the Prince,” he stated simply, but he had already lost his patience with her. “Sweet Mary, if I had known that your behavior could have such an effect on him, I would have risked his displeasure in London and found him some other woman. But he wanted you, and I wanted to spare us this very thing happening. It was a mistake. I am truly sorry. But what’s done is done. Can’t you see your way clear to being at least a little cooperative? Or is it that you feel you would fail at the job?”
