“I wanted us all to go!”
“As the months turned into years, we did start asking Mother to take us to join you and Father,” Layla confessed.
“She always said no. Her excuse was either that she gets seasick or that the tropics have endless sunshine, which would harm our complexions,” Emily grumbled. “But she eventually got angry when we kept broaching the subject, so we stopped asking.”
“And we really don’t like it when she’s angry,” Layla added.
No, they wouldn’t. For all of Emily’s boldness, even she was prone to backing down to a higher authority like their mother.
So Vanessa said, “Well, I’m here now, and it’s not my habit to avoid confrontation. I’m not the least bit afraid of Mother’s anger.”
No, she’d welcome it, was looking forward to it, so she could express her own. Just enough anger to show Kathleen that she wouldn’t be cowed, not so much that she’d have to abandon her sisters—and she really needed to prove to herself that she could handle anything, even her feelings about Kathleen.
Chapter Eighteen
VANESSA WASN’T SURPRISED THATthe twins came to her room the next morning, even though they’d spent hours together catching up last night. Well, at least she’d caught up with what had happened in their lives over the past six years. When she’d mentioned fishing with their father and Emily had quickly shown her disapproval, just as their mother would, she’d decided not to tell them about any of the other kinds of freedom she had enjoyed in Scotland. Her sisters really had become perfect young ladies, adhering to, even embracing, all of the do’s and don’ts their mother had taught them. Vanessa thought that Kathleen must be very proud of her twins but would be equally appalled by her, the daughter who had escaped her regimen.
But she didn’t mind at all when the twins followed the maid in with her breakfast. She was already dressed and never opened the door unless she was wearing her cloak and with the hood firmly in place.
“So that’s how you did it,” Emily said as soon as the maid left.
And Layla finished with a laugh, “Well, of course you’d have to when there’s nothing mannish about your face, Nessa.”
But the moment she shrugged out of her cloak they both laughed when they saw how she was dressed for the day. “Very dashing, Nessa.” Layla giggled.
But Emily asked, “You’re going to show yourself to Mother likethat? Let me get you a dress.”
“That isn’t necessary. I’ll find my clothes later. I wasn’t sure if my trunks had been put in the attic or in my old room.”
“They’re in the attic.”
“But empty. We unpacked them for you.”
“Thank you. But I’m still going to greet Mother like this. It’s not just a disguise, it’s actually how I’ve enjoyed living these last six years. I’d rather she know that because it speaks volumes about how I’ve changed. And besides, you would be amazed how a pair of pants can bolster one’s courage. I don’t intend to be intimidated by our formidable mother.”
“But she’s missed you, Nessa,” Layla said.
“We hear her crying a lot,” Emily added.
Vanessa was surprised, but immediately discounted Kathleen’s crying over her. If she’d shed any tears, they were more likely over her dead lover, or even more likely over having been caught with Rathban, which had ended the affair.
But Layla insisted, “She will be ever so pleased that you’re home where you belong, just as we are. You’ll see. You’ve no need for courage.”
Easy for them to say. Her own anger and expressing too much of it when she faced her mother was making her queasy with dread over the meeting. Vanessa really, really didn’t want to start out that way with Kathleen when she would be her ticket to thetonand all its social events. That’s where she would have the best chance of finding Albert Rathban and approaching him for a deal or simply to plead with him to let her father come home. She hadn’t come up with a plan yet but she still had a month or so to figure it out.
Or maybe she wouldn’t have to. She needed to find out why Kathleen had diligently written to William over the years even though they were estranged. He’d never read any of those letters, of course, had tossed them straight into the fire and stood there to watch them burn. But why had her mother continued to write? Did she hope for a reconciliation? Or had Kathleen somehow gotten the threat over their heads removed? Or maybe the Rathbans had accommodated her family by simply dying off? It was possible that all three Rathban brothers who had been at the duel were now resting in peace, leaving no one in that family who was willing or able to carry out the threat. And she and William could have come home sooner! That might be wishful thinking, but she wouldn’t know until she asked her mother.
A half hour later the twins followed her downstairs and went off to the dining room for their own breakfast, while she slipped into her father’s old study, which the twins had mentioned was now Kathleen’s. She didn’t expect to find Kathleen in it yet. It had been their mother’s habit to eat all of her meals with the girls, then deal with any correspondence between breakfast and luncheon, and even when William had been there, she’d used his study for that. So Vanessa didn’t think she’d have to wait too long. . . . She didn’t have to wait at all.
She paused inside the study door. Kathleen was sitting at her desk, head slightly bent as she read the letter in her hand. She looked so serene, so similar in appearance to the mother she’d left six years ago. This unobstructed, unhurried view of Kathleen was stirring long forgotten feelings in her, the love she’d felt before the hate had pushed it away. Kathleen might have been rigid with her rules, but there had never been any doubt that she loved her family—even William. Why had she strayed?
Kathleen finally glanced up. “Nestor? Do you need something?”
“No,” Vanessa said, and turned to close the door.
She removed her cloak before she turned back to the desk. It wasn’t instant recognition. The trousers, vest, linen shirt, and cravat all delayed it. Then there was shock before Kathleen’s expression turned bland and she remarked, “I see your face has cleared up.”
“Don’t pretend you don’t know me, Mother.”
