The boy raised a hand, stopping the sunglasses from sliding off his face. He opened his eyes—or at least, Shan presumed he did, as the boy sucked in a startled breath.
“Oh,” Spencer said weakly, staring up at his face. “So that’s why you wear sunglasses all the time.”
“Yes.” One of the reasons, anyway. “When you’re ready, I’ll fly you back to camp.”
“Tiff was with me.” Spencer turned his head, looking around. “Did you already find her?”
“Tiff is fine. She made her way back to camp and raised the alarm. That’s how we knew to come looking for you.”
A brief expression of relief flashed across Spencer’s face. Then his mouth started to tremble. “Shan, there was someone else out here. I th-think I—I?—”
“I know. It was Rufus. It’s all right, he wasn’t hurt. Just stunned for a little while. He’s fine, too.”
Spencer curled up, arms around his knees. “Is everyone mad at me?”
“Of course not. You aren’t in trouble, Spencer. We’re just relieved you’re safe.”
“Not the counselors.” Spencer’s voice dropped to a whisper. “The other kids.”
“Oh.” He sat next to the boy, putting an arm around his shoulders. “No. No, Spencer. Your friends aren’t angry with you. Just ashamed of themselves, and deeply sorry for their actions.”
“But I’m the one who messed up,” Spencer said miserably. “I could have really hurt him. I shouldn’t have shifted. I should have stayed in control?—”
“No.” He pulled Spencer tighter against his side, feeling the way he was shaking. “You did nothing wrong, Spencer. You were frightened and had good reason to think you might be in danger. Your animal was only trying to protect you.”
“Ihatemy animal!” Spencer buried his face against his knees, still clinging to the sunglasses. “All it does is hurt people. It’s nothing but a monster.I’ma monster.”
Raw truth. The taste filled his mouth, rich and bloody, but there was no satisfaction in it. He’d expected his qiongqi to settle, satiated, yet it was still restless. It prowled through his mind like a tiger in a cage, wanting… what?
I do not have an animal. His own words echoed in his memory.I contain a monster.
“Someone once told me,” he said slowly, “that no one is born a monster. At the time, I thought she was being naïve.”
“I guess you would know,” Spencer said, voice muffled. “If you’re really a secret agent, that is.”
“I am. Though that’s not the reason. I have confronted many people who did monstrous things, Spencer. And yet, I never thought there was something innately evil in them.” He looked away, and inward, into the dark. “Only in myself.”
Spencer’s head rose. “Why?”
“Because I thought my animal was a monster too.” He paused and added, more truthfully, “Often, I still do. There are reasons for that, though they aren’t important right now. My situation is different from yours. But we’re both afraid of people. We both push others away, telling ourselves it’s for their own good. We both do everything we can to repress our animal And I can tell you, from the perspective of many more years of experience, that it does not work. I think you’ve already found that out for yourself.”
Spencer sniffed, wiping the back of his nose. “So, what does work?”
“I don’t know.” He squeezed the boy’s shoulder, taking care to keep his claws retracted. “If you figure it out, tell me. But perhaps it starts by going back to camp.”
Spencer sniffed again, but nodded. “Okay. Did the other counselor set off already?”
Alarm prickled down his spine. “What other counselor?”
“The one who found me first. The guy with the light.” Spencer looked round. “I didn’t get his name. He said it would be better to wait for someone else to get here, since I couldn’t see to follow him back to camp. Then I guess he must have seen you fly past, because he told me to stay put while he got help.” Spencer frowned. “Only I didn’t hear him shout anything. He just ran off. And then you were here, so I assumed he must have flagged you down. Didn’t you see him?”
“No.” Shan pulled Spencer up. In his head, his qiongqi snarled, ears flat. “Don’t worry. I’ll find him later.”
Someone must have seen him returning with Spencer and sent word on ahead. When Shan landed outside the kids’ cabins, Leonie was already there, waiting for them.
There was no way to avoid her. And no way to hide his eyes, when Spencer still needed his sunglasses. Taking a deep breath, Shan landed.
He’d told Spencer his animal didn’t make him a monster. Maybe it was time he tried to believe it himself.
