“At least you’re not tamping down all your feelings until you explode under the pressure, like usual?”
“No, that’sexactlywhat I’m doing. Did. What I’ve done.” She put her head in her hands again. “Today.” Face still hidden, she told Felicity everything, in a pained mumble that she must have had to use magic to translate.
“Well,” Felicity said when she finished. “Huh.”
“I’m hismate,” Maya whispered, as though saying it louder would make it more horribly real than it already was. “What am I meant to do?”
“Have you tried forgetting all about how he lied to you, and rolling over and obeying his every command?”
“What?!” She stared at Felicity, outraged. “We may be magically connected, or whatever the hell the mate bond is, but that doesn’t mean he’s the boss of me! I mean—hewasmy boss. But he isn’t anymore! And that’s—stop laughing, this is serious!”
“Deadly serious,” Felicity agreed, wiping her eyes. “So, has he tried to make it up to you? Or is he doing the full Blackburn, Jr. routine and acting as though you should be glad he even notices you exist, peasant?”
“You know he was never like that with me.”
“True.” Felicity wrinkled her nose. “Suspicious, really. In retrospect. So?”
Her shoulders sagged. “He’s … behaving very well.”
Felicity made an extraordinarily disbelieving face.
“He’s doing the best he can.I’mdoing the best I can. We need to—to relieve the pressure somehow. But it’s obvious he never wanted me to find out the truth, and now that I do know, he…”
He wants to get back to the way things were as soon as possible,she meant to say, but other words tangled together on the tip of her tongue.
He followed her back to Hideaway the moment he discovered another dragon had found out where she was.
He insisted on staying in Hideaway while he investigated his stolen hoard, instead of going to the scene of the crime.
He … asked her what she wanted, andshewas the one who suggested stress-relief-only.
“Uh,” she said uncertainly.
“He’s what?” Felicity prompted her.
“He’s still not interested.” Maya didn’t look at Felicity, because she didn’t want to see the doubt in her friend’s eyes. “And if he is, it’s only the—the physical aspect of the mate bond. That’s all. Which he’s fought the whole time we’ve known one another.”
Felicity’s expression was worried. “Everything you’ve said so far has been about whatheis doing. Whathewants. What do you want?”
Maya stared at her. “I want…” She swallowed hard. Corin had already asked her this question, and she’d already answered it, so why was she tripping over her words now? “I want the world to stop spinning so fast for a few years, so I can catch up and understand everything again.”
“Uh-uh. Not going to happen. Try again.”
“I want Tomás to grow up safe and—”
“What do you want foryou, Maya.”
The truth loomed up inside her, cold and terrible. She bit her lip. “I want what you and Apollo have.”
Felicity didn’t say anything.
“And what Jacqueline and Arlo have. What Lainie and Harrison have. That—that perfect connection. Companionship. Trust. Someone who you know will always be on your side. Someone who understands you.”
“Apollo and I don’t always understand each other,” Felicity said gently. “We haven’t known each other long enough to figure out all of each other’s craziness.”
“But you’regettingto know each other. And you like each other. He’s completely smitten with you and I’ve literally never seen you smile as much as you do when you’re with him.” The words tumbled out of her. “I already know Corin. I know himso well. And I know that—that we can’t have what you have. It’s too late. He already decided it can’t happen and, even if he hadn’t, I … I’m not the person he would choose to be with. I’m the person he’s chosennotto be with.”
Felicity didn’t say anything, and the silence gave Maya’s brain space to crawl towards a new decision. One that would make everything easier.
