Cela had thought she’d grown used to casually friendlylittle touches from Gaby and Peyton around the diner (a pat on her shoulder, a nudge to get her attention). But she was still so used to carefully avoiding Tyr for the tattoos’ sake that she stiffened instinctively when Paula pulled her close. Cela recovered enough to cautiously hug back. But when Paula let go, Cela knew she must have looked upset again, because Paula frowned.
“So what’s wrong, honey?” Paula asked. “I’ve known a few mated couples by now, not the least being me and Dan. And most people can’t stop looking like a host of angels just came down and sang them a chorus when they’re around their mate. You don’t look like someone who found the love of your life. You look like your heart’s breaking.”
Cela balked. For an instant she thought the tattoo had stopped her from being able to speak, but it was only her own confusion and misery, turning the words into a choking knot in her throat.
Before she could clear the word jam damming her up, Paula’s sympathetic curiosity had turned to a scowl. “Is he mistreating you?” she asked. “I thought shifters couldn’t, with their mates—but with the two of you out here in the middle of nowhere, it’s not a good situation if things aren’t working out, and you with nowhere to go?—”
“No, no,” Cela interrupted her frantically. “No, Tyr is wonderful to me. I don’t have any complaints about that. It’s—” She swallowed. “It’s the tattoo. You know he’s trying to find someone who can break it.”
“I know. Derek and Ben have been hitting up Dan’s old military connections.”
“So you know the tattoos are magic.”
“Yes, they stop you from being able to talk to others about your griffin, right?”
As they spoke, they had been wandering through the series of greenhouses. Now they were out among theorchard trees. The flowers were entirely gone, the trees laden with small green fruits. Cela paused to poke at one.
“Yes, it does that. But that’s not all it does. As long as I’m wearing this, I can’t touch Tyr, and he can’t touch me.”
The words emerged in a rush. It was just so good to talk to someone about it, even if it was Tyr’s ex-wife.
“Wait a minute,” Paula said. The puzzled frown was back. “What do you mean, you can’t touch him?”
“I can’t. It hurts both of us very badly. I don’t know what would happen if we kept touching, if there would cause permanent damage, but so far neither of us wants to try.”
So far.Saying the words out loud made her aware that there might come a time when they were both desperate enough to actually do it.
“And when you say touching, you mean sex? Or—er—skin-on-skin contact?”
Once again, it was a relief to deal with Paula’s blunt-almost-to-the-point-of-rudeness questions. Having to tiptoe around the details would have been worse.
“Any kind of touch,” she said. “Even through clothes. Something as simple as this.”
She brushed the back of her hand very lightly across Paula’s blouse-clad arm.
“Oh, honey,” Paula said, staring at her. “And you’re living with him; how do you?—”
“Bear it?” Cela asked. She blinked back tears. “I just do. What elsecanI do?”
After the conversation with Paula, she was hardly in the mood for a cheerful picnic in the country, let alone a driving lesson. But it actually was fun. Tyr drove his car to a huge empty field beside the road, with a gravel parking area andno other cars except what appeared to be a broken-down horse trailer at the edge of the field.
“This is the fairgrounds,” Tyr said. “The parking lot is a good wide-open space where you can practice the basics. I’ve done this with Austin a little, so I’m not a complete novice at it.”
Cars ... were hard, it turned out. But hardest of all was the close proximity to Tyr. He showed her how to start it and turn it off, how to shift gears, and under his direction, she eased it into “Drive” and crawled around the parking lot. All the while, she was terribly aware of Tyr. The car smelled like his spicy aftershave. Every time he leaned forward to show her something, she couldn’t help thinking of how easy it would be to lean sideways herself—and keep leaning, until her space intersected his.
And then there would be pain. And it would be, almost, worth it.
“—watch the trailer, Cela!”
Cela wrenched the wheel and the car veered abruptly. She steered around the old horse trailer and lurched through a puddle from the recent rains.
“Those obstacles can really get you,” Tyr said, huffing a little laugh. “Sometimes it’s like they come out of nowhere—Cela? Honey, are you okay?”
Her hands were shaking. Cela shook her head and sat back in the seat for a minute, struggling to get herself under control. She was aware of Tyr hovering, all but touching her, having to back off before making contact. Somehow that made it worse, a reminder of everything they couldn’t have.
Tyr was speaking anxiously. “You’re doing great, really. This is your first lesson, and honestly, you’ve nailed most of the basics already. Even if you have a fender-bender, that’s fine. We’re not moving very fast, and I’ll tell you what I toldAustin when I started giving him driving lessons, which is that I care about you a lot more than the car.”
“No—it’s—” Cela shook her head. “It’s not the car,” she managed to say.
