“All right.” Fen poked at the grass, searching for a comfortable spot, then looked back up at him. “One more thing…”
When she didn’t finish, he said, “Go on.”
She shook her head in frustration. “I forgot it. I’m so stupid!”
“I laid a lot on you. It’s easy to lose track of it all.”
She seemed unsatisfied, but returned to prodding the earth. Finally, she lay down on it. He lay down beside her. Precious immediately curled up in his arms, a velvety-warm, comforting weight.
He closed his eyes, but he couldn’t sleep. It should have been a huge weight off his mind that Fen knew about shifters and him and what was really going on, but it wasn’t. That things he hadn’t told her loomed larger than everything he’d revealed. And he still couldn’t kiss her, and he still couldn’t tell her why.
“Carter?”
He jumped, knocking Precious off his chest. She gave a squeak and flew upward to perch on a tree branch. “What?”
Fen lay beside him, wide awake, staring directly into his eyes from about six inches away. Her gaze felt like a laser beam burning right into his soul. “I know you want to sleep, but I have one more question. Answer it honestly, and then I promise to leave you alone.”
“Okay,” he said warily.
“If I kissed you right now, would you you grab your head and pretend you have a migraine? Or would you kiss me back?”
Chapter 9
Carter looked pole-axed.Fen regarded his expression with some satisfaction. She didn’treallywant revenge on him anymore, but she was due some payback after how hot-and-cold he’d been with her.
He spluttered like she’d tossed a cup of swamp water in his face, tried to pull himself into a dignified posture (impossible, given that he was lying down), and finally said, “Okay, first of all, I didn’t ever pretend to have a migraine.”
“Oh? You just coincidentally get one whenever it looks like we might kiss?”
He ran his hand through his hair. It was very unfair that his hair fell into sexy rumpled waves when he did that, instead getting messy like when she did. “It’s not coincidental, no. It’s because I feel conflicted.”
“Being conflicted gives you a headache?”
“In this case, yes.” He rolled over, propped himself on his elbows, and looked into her eyes. Reflected flames shone in his hazel eyes. “It has to do with they did to me when I was kidnapped. When they killed my snow leopard.”
“Oh!” It hadn’t occurred to her that he’d been having flashbacks or some other trauma-based reaction. She immediately felt guilty for giving him a hard time about it. “I’m so sorry. Forget I asked. Just know that the door is open if you ever want to, uh…”
“Step into your bedroom?” He gave her a wry smile. “Look, Fen, I didn’t mean to lead you on and then push you away. For what it’s worth, you’re the sexiest, most beautiful, funniest, most resourceful, bravest, smartest—”
“Oh, stop,” she said uncomfortably. “You don’t have to lay it on with a trowel. You think I’m sexy, I believe that.”
Carter seemed puzzled and even a bit hurt. “What are you talking about? I meant every word I said. I’m too much of a hot mess to have a relationship right now, but you’re fantastic. Of course I think you’re sexy, but you’re more than that. You’re kind. You’re fun. You’re brilliant—”
“I said stop!” Her words rang out, loud in the still and humid night. For no reason at all, her eyes stung.
“Fen…” His voice was very gentle, which inexplicably only made it harder to keep back her tears. “Who told you that you weren’t smart?”
She scrubbed angrily at her eyes. It was ridiculous for an adult woman to cry when she thought about true things people had told her when she was a little kid. “My parents, who else? And my teachers. Sort of. And they didn’t say I was stupid. They said I was careless and lazy.”
"You are the least careless and lazy person I’ve ever met.” Carter actually sounded like he believed it.
She took a deep breath, trying to steady her voice. “Yeah, I don’t seem like thatnow.That’s becauseI’ve spent years and years trying to make up for it. I have reminders to myself. I have phone alarms—yours are good, I have to say. I have calendars. The most important part is that I have a fantastic assistant who remembers and keeps track of things for me. But I’m still lazy, to tell the truth. I work hard at things when I’m interested in them, but I’m not a hard worker in general.”
“That doesn’t make sense,” Carter said. “If you work hard, you’re a hard worker.”
He didn’t understand. She tried another angle. “When I was a kid, my grades were all over the place. I was outstanding at the things I was interested in, but I was barely scraping by in classes I easily could have gotten As in if I’d cared enough to try harder. My parents were always telling me I couldn’t skate by forever by doing great in one area to make up by being terrible in another, because it averages out to being just a little bit better than average. And I thought, ‘Maybe I can. Maybe just a little bit better is actually a big deal.’ And so… Little Bit.”
“Of course it’s a big deal! Little Bit is a brilliant concept. And you are a brilliant woman.”
