“Sure.”
“Have you ever noticed that I’m never photographed in my kitchen?”
She nodded, which pleased him. She’d been paying close attention to him, apparently. “I figured you had something embarrassing in there, like hundreds of bottles of Soylent and no actual food.”
“I do, but it’s not that disgusting stuff. My microwave is a Little Bit Hotter 500. My smart coffeemaker is a Little Bit Smoother 300.”
“Just wait till you try the Little Bit Smoother 300 Deluxe,” Fen began, then stopped short, staring at him. “Really? You use my kitchen equipment?”
“Well, Howe Enterprises doesn’t have a kitchen division—” Carter barely cut himself off before he saidyet. He’d gotten to like Fen, but he still had a business to run, and she was still his rival. “And I’d hardly use TicTech crap.”
“Oh hell no,” she said. “I call the Eldon McManus espresso machine the Little Bit Burnt.”
Laughing, Carter agreed, “I call it the TicTerrible. But the Little Bit Smoother 300 makes absolutely stellar coffee, it never spills water or coffee grounds, and it’s easy to use even before you’ve had coffee.”
Visibly pleased, she said, “I tested it on sleep-deprived college students. If it took them more than six seconds to program what they wanted, it went back to the drawing board.”
“And I love the self-cleaning function on the Little Bit Hotter 500. Even my teammates—uh, even some of the worst slobs at my company have failed to trash it, and believe me, they’ve tried.”
“That’s why we use college students as testers. If they can’t wreck it, no one can.” Her gaze drifted upward, as if she was considering something, then returned to him. She seemed to struggle inwardly, then spoke as if she was confessing to some truly shameful crime. “I like your phones.”
Carter had heard that before. He’d heard it from friends and family, from product testers, from journalists, from random strangers, and, most gratifyingly, from other inventors. But it had never filled his heart with such pride and delight as when he’d heard it from Fen. Inside his head, his monsters purred and rumbled and preened. “You do?”
“If it wouldn’t make Little Bit look bad, I’d buy one.” Quickly, she added, “As a second phone. Just for games and stuff like that. I still think my Little Bit Faster is better for actually communicating with people, which is still the primary purpose of a phone.”
“The Little Bit Faster does have a good texting system,” Carter admitted.
“And calling.”
“And calling. But nowadays phones are primarily miniature computers. Communication isn’t their main purpose. Using the internet and gaming and taking photos and videos is.”
“Which would you rather be able to do right now, video some bullfrogs or call for help?”
He spread his hands wide. “Okay. You got me.”
Her triumphant grin made his defeat worthwhile. She practically glowed. Her hair, now dry, was a glory of rippling waves that a hairdresser would spend hours to achieve and still never get right. It framed her face like a black velvet setting for a perfect pearl. He wanted to touch it so much that his hands clenched involuntarily, nearly sending the cattails into the fire.
“Careful!” Fen exclaimed.
“I think they’re done. Here, try one.” He offered her a twig.
“Making me your product tester, huh?”
“Not at all. One person’s opinion says nothing. They could be an outlier.” He picked up another twig. “Three, two, one, test!”
They bit into the cattails and chewed thoughtfully. The spikes were chewy and stringy, like old asparagus, and the flavor reminded him of cabbage. Fen made a face, but swallowed valiantly.
“On a scale of zero to ten, with zero being ‘I spit it out’ and ten being ‘the best thing I’ve ever eaten,’ how would you rate this?” he asked.
“I give it a four for flavor and a two for texture,” she replied. “You?”
“Four, that’s generous. I give it a three for flavor and a two for texture.”
Speaking in the precise tones of a market researcher, Fen inquired, “What would make you more likely to buy this product?”
“Being lost in a swamp with nothing else to eat.”
“Excellent, we’ll market it to survivalists. ‘When you’re lost in a swamp, cattail hits the spot!’”
