“I’ll pay any—”
Balin cut him off. “No. I want you to think about it. I will give you one hour. Spend it imagining what it would be like to have your body back, to have your snow leopard back, to have your self-confidence and pride back. To shift without pain. To be a beautiful, agile creature. To touch your beloved machinery without having it explode in your hands—yes, I can change that too. I can turn back time for you, Carter Howe. I can make you be what you were if you had never encountered Apex. How much do you want that?”
More than anything,Carter thought, his throat tightening. He wanted it so much that even thinking of it was unbearable. But as Balin had spoken, he hadn’t been able to help imagining it all.
The front door swung open.
As the wizard-scientists began to step out, Balin glanced over his shoulder. “One more thing. I have no intention of asking you to harm the female, as my idiotic colleagues demanded. She has no part in this battle, so she’s not part of the price.”
The door closed behind them.
Carter sat down heavily on the sofa. He was immediately forced to lean forward, because of his wings.
Those could go away. I could have my body back.
He tried to push that thought away.
If I say no, it’ll get even worse. There’s a limit to how much even Fen will think is hot. Wonder what her breaking point will be…
He felt like a terrible person for even thinking that. Fiercely, he tried to squelch that thought too.
My snow leopard. I could get him back. The friend who was with me for my entire life. The joy and freedom of leaping in the snow. I’m only half myself without him.
“No!” Carter said aloud. “I can’t. I can’t.”
Fen put her arms around him. He hadn’t even realized she’d sat down beside him. “Oh, Carter. This is so hard.”
Balin won’t hurt Fen. He doesn’t care about her. I could have herandmy snow leopardandmy real bodyandpeace in my own mind…
“Original plan,” said Carter, whispering in her ear in case they were listening. His voice sounded tinny and false. “I’ll say yes. The Defenders aren’t here, so Balin will have to send me out to attack them. We’ll team up to attack him instead. That’s all.”
“Um.” Fen was also whispering. “Don’t you think he’s thought of that?”
“Probably, but what else can I do?” Carter whispered back. “At least it’ll get him off my back for now.”
And then I turn into a monster, bit by bit. Can I really let that happen to me?
“Will it, though?” Fen whispered. “He’s obviously put a lot of thought into it. I don’t think he’ll do anything for you until he sees you do something for him.”
“What if I said yes, and I did attack the Defenders? I could let them hurt me some, and maybe scratch them up a bit, just to make it convincing.”
He felt Fen go still beside him.
“What?” he said defensively. “I’m not saying I’d really hurt them. You don’t think I would… Do you?”
“I think Balin’s setting you up to think exactly like this,” she whispered. “I think he’s led you to a slippery slope and given you a nice big push.”
Anger flared up in him. After all she’d said, she still didn’t trust him. She still thought he was a monster—
No!The inner chorus of beasts was unified, for once.Fen loves you. She trusts you. She’s looking out for you.
That was the one thing his beasts had always agreed on: they liked Fen.
WeloveFen,they corrected.We trust Fen. Listen to her.
How bad could they really be, if they loved Fen? Sure, they were frustrating and difficult and annoying, but…
I’m frustrating and difficult and annoying,he thought.And Fen loves me anyway.
