He let out a long sigh. "It's just a panic attack, Trinity."
"I know, but it's basically all day, and it just makes me feel like… could there be something more wrong with my body? Should I go have scans or something?"
"I don't know. Sure. Make an appointment."
"I don't want you to tell me that. That freaks me out even more."
"How am I supposed to know what you want me to say?" he asked.
"Just tell me been through this before and everything's gonna be okay."
"You have been through this before, Ty. Too much. You need to stop getting yourself worked up like this."
"I need to stop? Don't you think I would if I could?"
"I thought you said you went to dinner with the cast."
"I did."
"And you got through that, didn't you?"
"Yeah. I mean, it was hard, and I had to leave twice and go put ice on my back."
"But still, you made it. And no one knew you were even having trouble. You're able to fake it in front of them."
"I am, but it's hard."
"I know, but if it were something real, you wouldn't even be able to fake it."
"What are you trying to say?" I asked.
"Look, you wanted me to tell you you're fine, and you are. This is like the eightieth time we've done this. You need to stop for your own health."
I felt fear and dread well up inside of me like a hot, gushing sensation.
"Well?"
"Yeah, you're right," I said stiffly.
"Seriously, though, if you can't handle these situations, you shouldn't get yourself into them. Maybe it's time to stop."
"Stop what?" I said, feeling hurt and angry.
"Stop putting yourself in situations that make you do this. If it freaks you out to go act in a movie, don't do it. If it freaks you out to put on a concert, don't do it."
"It doesn't freak me out, Jacob, it's just my body. My mind is fine."
"Your mind is not fine, or you wouldn't be calling me asking me if you should sign up for medical scans, Ty. I don't know how you can be fine in front of other people and then your body just suddenly shuts down when you talk to me." He spoke in aspiteful tone, like he was actually taking it personal, which was unbelievable when all I wanted was compassion. My body was already buzzing, and the defensiveness and anger I felt at his words caused the symptoms to worsen.
"You're not helping," I said in a serious tone. My eyes were stinging and full of tears.
"What's not helping?" he said. "I'm being honest. You're able to function and go through your life. Did you go to that dinner with everybody?"
"Yes."
"See? You only melt down with me. If you can pull yourself together in front of other people, then nothing's wrong with you. If you were really sick, you'd be sick all the time."
I took a deep breath, trying to stay patient even though my body was humming. "I'm thankful for your sake that you have no idea what I'm going through," I said, feeling like my chest could catch on fire.
