Ah, shit.
“I know most of you made sure to be here,” he announces, holding a drink in his hand, “because I always have an open bar, but there is a deeper reason.”
“Madoc…” I beg him to stop.
The music cuts off, and out of the corner of my eye, I see Quinn and Jared turn toward us.
“When I was sixteen,” Madoc tells everyone, releasing me and addressing his guests. “I met this kid who supposedly needed a strong, level-headed, positive, and well-behaved male influence.”
Chuckles and snorts go off around the pool.
“But he got me, instead,” he teases, throwing me a look. “I tried to be a big brother to him, set an example, give him advice, and show him the ropes, but the more time I spent with him, the more influence he had on me, instead.” His tone softens, thoughtful. “I started watching cartoons again,and remembered how good cereal tasted, and I started rooting for the Cubs.”
“Go White Sox!” someone shouts.
Others clap and cheer.
But I can’t unclench my jaw, everyone’s eyes like lava on my skin.
I was so nervous the first time I met Madoc, but I shouldn’t have been. He was a pro. It took me all of four minutes to get attached to him.
“He was supposed to be the one who needed me,” Madoc says, his voice gravelly. “But the truth is, I was heartbroken when I met him. I’d lost someone very important in my life.”
I tilt my eyes up, finding his wife on the other side of the pool. She smiles small through her chin trembling and the tears in her eyes.
Years later, I found out that while I was losing my father, Madoc was a teenager, losing the girl he loved. He was suffering, too, the day we met, not that he let on.
“And I was acting like an asshole because of it,” he explains to his guests. “This eight-year-old kid reminded me of who I used to be when I was happy, and I didn’t want to be numb anymore. I wantedhimto be happy, instead.” Madoc looks around the crowd, everyone quiet and listening. “My dad once told me that if you’re a good father, your hopes and dreams transfer to your kids when they’re born. They come first.”
Madoc’s father is Quinn’s too, and he would know. He wasn’t an attentive father to his son. But he learned.
“So I cheered for the fuckin’ Cubs,” Madoc goes on, smiles breaking out around the pool. “And subscribed toMADmagazine. And built airplane models and ate hot dogs three times a week, because they were his favorite, and I was grateful for every second of it…” He locks eyes with me. “Because I think I needed all those things more than you did.”
My eyes burn, and I know he can see it. I blink, dropping my gaze, and about to fucking choke. They don’t know me. Not really. He wouldn’t say all this if he knew.
“I came back to life when I met you,” he whispers only for me to hear.
I shake my head.Please stop.
“I’m not your father,” he states, “but I think of you as my son.”
My chest shakes, and I almost can’t hold it in.They’re not my family, I tell myself.They’re not…
As he finishes, I hear the smile in his voice. “And I hope it’s not too long before you come home again.”
He pulls me into a hug, and I can’t help but wrap him in my arms and hold tight. One last time.
A little clapping goes off around the pool, and Madoc finally pulls back, everyone looking to me now.
I have to say something. I know this is where I belong, and I can’t tell myself I don’t have a home here because this family’s track record disproves that. Jared’s mom took in Jax when he was a teenager. Jax and his wife, in turn, took in their son’s girlfriend and her siblings. This family makes room for everyone.
But I can’t be here. If I don’t leave, Madoc could be implicated in things I did. I have to go.
I clear my throat. “I…” I laugh. “I actually asked for the hot dogs because I thought you liked them,” I announce. “I mean, you’d eat them three times a week, so…”
Everyone breaks into laughter, Madoc shaking his head at me.
There should be more to say to the man who gave me so much. To his wife, who was a big sister and a second mother, a mentor, and a friend.
