“Who said everyone else is a mess?”
“Priya’s on her sixtieth lap,” Lucy said, tilting her head in the direction of Priya slicing through the water. The pool was by no means large, but that didn’t seem to stop Priya from swimming lap after lap.
Amy laughed and kicked up water. Droplets flew up in a lazy arc, catching the sunlight before they fell again. “I’m just confident. Or maybe delusional. Either way, this experience is more fun when you don’t think too much about it.”
“Well, I’m not confident,” Lucy said, and it was the truth. She was unraveling a little more each day, and it wasall Kat’s fault. That perfect, smug little voice that lived in her head, reminding her she wasn’t enough. “I’m the opposite of confident. I’m an insecure mess.”
“It takes a lot of courage for someone to admit it,” Amy pointed out, reaching over for a small tube of sunscreen. She squeezed a blob onto each thigh. “Who hurt you and left a scar on your heart?”
“Why do you assume it is someone?”
“Because someone is always responsible for our inner demons,” she said, rubbing the sunscreen into her skin. “It’s rarely just us making things up.”
Lucy didn’t say anything at first. She didn’t want to. But the words were already pressing at the edge of her lips, like steam under a lid. Maybe she’d feel better if she just said it out loud. Not the Skye thing, but the Kat thing. The main reason she came on this show was that woman. Kat was the very person responsible for that gnawing ache in her stomach whenever Skye’s gaze glided over her face, and whenever Skye smiled at someone else just a little too long.
“My ex-girlfriend,” Lucy said, her mouth twisting. “She told me I was too safe. Too comfortable. She called me predictable and said that whenever she was with me, I made her feel like she was shrinking.” The words hurt just as much as they had done six months ago when Kat had packed her bags and said them on her way out the door. Except this time Lucy had a handle on her tears. They wouldn’t fall today. Not for Kat.Neveragain for Kat.
Amy winced. “Ouch.”
“Yeah,” Lucy muttered. “It was one of those breakups where you don’t even get to be mad. You’re simply embarrassed. Kat didn’t cheat or yell or throw anything. She simply said she needed something more exciting. And I wasn’t that. Apparently, I was too boring.”
But would boring Lucy go skinny dipping? Would boring Lucy walk up to Skye naked?Or flirt or follow Skye to her bungalow to have sex?
“You’re definitely not boring,” Amy said immediately.
Lucy didn’t answer. She stared out across the pool deck, at Nova lying belly down on a floatie with her chin propped on her hands, and her sunglasses perched halfway down her nose as she read her Kindle.
Lucy sighed. “So, I guess I thought that if I went on a dating show, if I did something big and risky and totally off-brand, I could prove her wrong. Prove me wrong.” She glanced at Amy, who was watching her curiously. “You know what I mean, right?”
“I do.” Amy nodded.
Lucy glanced down at her legs, at the streaks of uneven tan lines and tiny pool-chair indents. “And now that I’m here, I’m more confused than ever. I want to prove that I’m brave, but I also want to run.” She let the image of Skye run through her mind: her fiery red hair, her alabaster skin, those green eyes tinged with a rim of brown. “Sometimes Skye looks at me like she sees right through me, and other times she doesn’t look at me at all.”
Amy gave a sympathetic groan. “Ugh! Feelings. They’re the worst.”
Lucy huffed a laugh. “I sound ridiculous, don’t I?”
“No,” Amy replied, shaking her head. “I think we all feel like that.”
Lucy nodded, agreeing, but she didn’t agree completely. Because clearly the rest of the contestants hadn’t crossed that invisible line. The rest of them hadn’t felt Skye’s breath against their neck or memorized the way her laugh rumbled low in her chest.
For a second, she squinted through her lashes and let herself sink back against the lounger. It flattened completely. She had to do something. She had to get Skye’s attention.
Even if that meant…
Lucy jumped to her feet so fast her towel slipped off the edge of the lounger and flopped onto the ground.
Amy looked up, frowning. “Where are you going?”
“Nowhere,” Lucy said quickly, already halfway across the pool deck.
Lucy didn’t have a plan. At least not a real one. But her legs were moving, her chest was buzzing, and something in her gut felt like it had finally clicked into gear. For the first time in three days, she wasn’t waiting around to be chosen or smiled at or reassured. She was going to do something about it. One way or another, she was going to get Skye to see her.
The walk to the bungalow took under five minutes, even with Lucy trying to make herself as small and unnoticeable as possible. She’d taken the long route past the tennis courts and through the shaded path behind the production tents. She didn’t want anyone to stop her or to run into the camera crew.
When the bungalow came up, she crept along the garden path with her heart in her throat. She had her flip-flops in her hand to keep them from smacking loudly against her heels.
Lucy hesitated. What if she got caught? What if Skye wasn’t alone? What if this was all wildly inappropriate? Still, her feet kept moving and moving until she reached the side of the bungalow with a view of the sliding door. Through a gap in the sheer curtains, she could see Skye pacing up and down. Her hands kept running through her hair, tugging it back and then letting it fall forward again. She looked tense, distracted, and very much like someone who didn’t want company.
