“Fuck off,” Benji said hoarsely. “I am not.”
He bent over, his hand pressed to his racing heart. Hewasn’thyperventilating; he was just breathing very, very fast.
“I can’t think about this right now,” he said in a rush. “I’m sorry, I just—I can’t.”
“You don’t have to come up with an answer right now,” Noah tried.
It was too much. Benji climbed into his lap, shoving their mouths together with a complete lack of finesse.
What is he paying me for?Benji thought deliriously.Completely unprofessional. Should dock my rates.
But they were more than a sugar baby and his daddy, Benji reminded himself as he scrabbled for Noah’s belt. They loved each other. Oh shit, Noahlovedhim. It felt like a million yearssince they’d said it, but it hadn’t even been an hour. Benji had been so giddy over it. He was still giddy now, even through all the panic.
“Whoa,” Noah said, muffled against his lips. He pulled back, resting their foreheads together. “Baby, slow down.”
I love you, Benji thought desperately.
“Fuck me,” he said instead. He finally got Noah’s stupid belt buckle undone and slipped his hand inside Noah’s sleek boxers. Noah was already hardening against his hand, and Benji’s stomach filled with white-hot lust. It was so potent it drowned out the panic, which was exactly what he wanted.
He nosed at Noah’s cheek. “Please? This night has been so fucking stressful. I need it.”
Noah caught his face and pulled him away. Benji strained, thinking Noah was going to say something idiotic abouttalking this through. But Noah’s eyes were dark as they looked up at him, even if there was something unbearably soft behind that heat.
“You have to tell me,” he said. “You have to say what you want.”
Benji’s cheeks heated. But this embarrassment was so much better than what he’d been feeling before, everything melting away until it was just him and Noah in the dark backseat. Their own little world, free from painting sabotagers and embezzling CEO brothers and deadbeat dads.
“I told you what I want,” Benji panted. “I want you to fuck me. You said you would, after.”
“Yeah?” Noah slid a hand over his ass, gripping so hard Benji gasped. “How do you want me to fuck you? Want me to put you on your hands and knees? Or do you want to ride me?”
Benji bit his lip. He wanted to lie there and getfucked. But he could put the effort into riding him if it meant being closerto him, holding each other as they fucked. Noah would take over eventually. He always did when Benji was riding him.
Noah pulled Benji’s slacks off and settled him back down on his clothed cock.
“Should’ve made you wear a plug,” he said as he pulled a small packet of lube out of his pocket. “But I thought I was going to take my time with you tonight. Lay you out on our bed and finger you open so slowly you’re crying by the time I finally sink into you.”
Our bed, Benji thought, and shivered. They werelivingtogether. They werelivingtogether, and Noahlovedhim and wanted tomarryhim.
For a moment, he was filled with happiness so huge he wanted to yell. Then the panic rose back up, huge and overwhelming, just like it did anytime something good happened to him. The better it was, the more panic it triggered. It was exhausting. Benji wished he could just accept it and be happy, but it went against every survival instinct that had been drilled into him.
“You should buy me more plugs,” he said, eager to distract himself from his maelstrom of emotions that weren’t getting fucked away as he’d hoped. “I’d wear them. Whatever you want, whenever you want. Plugs, cock rings, cages, whatever.”
I’d wear your collar, Benji thought guiltily. He’d been thinking about it so much lately. God, he’d probably think about it even more now that Noah had fucking proposed. The idea of being Noah’s, belonging to him like that, was much more bearable if they were talking about kinky sex shit rather than marriage.
Noah rumbled a pleased noise and tucked his slick fingers into Benji’s hole. “You’d do whatever I want. Because I asked you to.”
Benji hesitated, hips freezing where they had been rocking back and forth against Noah’s fingers. Was that a jab? Was he mad at Benji for not accepting his proposal? If Benjireallydid whatever Noah wanted, he would’ve said yes on the spot.
Noah gripped his face, holding his chin so firmly it jerked Benji back to the moment.
“You’d let me do anything I want to this perfect body,” he said. “Because we both know who it belongs to, right?”
Benji relaxed in his grip. Noah was bringing it back to sex. Making sure Benji knew he wasn’t mad. God, Benji didn’t deserve him.
“You,” he breathed, pushing back eagerly against Noah’s fingers. “Please, Noah, I need it.”
Noah spread his fingers inside him, stretching him so sweetly that Benji moaned. Then his slick fingers slipped out of Benji, wiping hurriedly on his bare thigh as he lined Benji up over his cock.
