All of it was worth it, he considered as Noah shuffled up behind him, wrapping Benji in his arms. Every time he’d wanted to jerk off but couldn’t, every time Noah made him admit something that made Benji want to crawl in a hole and die of embarrassment. Every stranger staring at him in the street, every tabloid filled with lies.
Noah pulled him close, and Benji felt perfectly at peace. Why was he ever worried? Noah had him.
It was light outside when he woke up, Noah’s smoky scent brushing against his cheek.
Then it was gone. Benji made a sleepy noise, cracking an eye open. Noah was standing next to the bed, doing his tie.
“I’m off to work,” he said. “You have class today, right?”
Benji rubbed his eyes. The calm from last night was far away now, but he could still glimpse it in the distance.
“I gotta stop at the hotel first,” he said. “Shower. Change.”
Noah nodded, tugging his tie into place. “You could start keeping clothes here.”
Benji didn’t reply. He could hear the implication behind the words:this would be easier if you just moved in. And right now, the choking fear that it was too early, that Benji had never been in a relationship before, that too much time around him would make Noah get tired of him faster, that Benji was guaranteed to ruin this, all of that felt even further away than the deep calm.
Benji wanted to say yes.
“Or not,” Noah said, and Benji realized he’d been staring at the sheets silently for way too long. “I just think it would be easier?—”
“No, yeah,” Benji stammered. “Easier. I’ll… I’ll start doing that.”
He fumbled on the nightstand for his phone so he wouldn’t have to meet Noah’s piercing gaze.
“Benjamin,” Noah started.
Benjamin swiped through his phone, hoping for something distracting. He got it.
“Shit,” he said, not even having to fake his frown a little bit. “The bus workers are striking. I’ll never get to class on time.”
“Riona can drive you.” Noah hesitated. Then he bent down, pressing his mouth to Benji’s cheek, the same way he’d done to wake Benji up. He lingered next to Benji, looking him right in the face.
Benji swallowed. There was a part of him, small and twitching, that wanted Noah to pry it out of him. To push him down against the mattress andmakehim admit why he’d acted weird. Benji had always struggled to let people in; sometimes it was a relief to have someone yank the lock.
Noah leaned in. Benji’s breath caught.
But then Noah stepped back, giving him a tight smile that Benji had so rarely seen directed at him.
“Have a good day in class,” he said.
Riona was her usual chatty self. Musing on whether the weather would turn sour. Pointing out stores that had changed in her years as Noah’s driver. Telling him about the one time she dared to change the flavor of her famous Christmas cheesecake, and her stepdaughter yelled at her for it.
“You’re quiet today,” she said when they were coming up to the hotel. “You didn’t even argue when I said mint ice cream was the best.”
“Maybe I agree with you,” Benji tried.
She met his eyes in the rearview mirror.
“I don’t,” Benji said. “Because mint chocolate ice cream is an abomination.”
“So, what’s with the hush-hush?”
“Just tired,” Benji said, then paused. The hotel was just down the road. He could almost see it from here. “Hey, Riona? Can I ask you something if you promise to never ever tell Noah? He says you’re very discreet. Even with, y’know, all your constant talking.”
Riona huffed, amused. “Shoot, kid.”
Benji watched the hotel get closer. “Do you think it’s too early to move in with a guy you’ve only been seeing for a few months?”
