It was another noisy car ride. Riona and Max chattered away in the front seats, while Benji and Noah stayed silent in the back.
Benji chewed his nails, eyes fixed on the city blurring outside the tinted windows. It was obvious he wasn’t seeing any of it; wherever his mind was, it was nowhere near this car.
Noah tugged Benji's hand away from his mouth. “Hey. Everything’s going to be fine.”
Benji smiled. It was short and strained. Then he tugged his hand free and started to turn back toward the window.
Noah checked the front seat. Max was locked in a blow-by-blow account of a recent chess club brawl, Riona nodding along and gasping in all the right places.
Noah interlinked his fingers with Benji’s.
Benji’s gaze dragged back to him. Then to the front seat, as if expecting Max to be sniggering at them.
“You know I’m with you, no matter what,” Noah said quietly. “Right? I care about you, Benjamin. I’m going to fix this.”
“I know,” Benji whispered. He darted another panicked glance to the front seat. “I care about you, too. Alot.” He laughed self-consciously. “Maybe too much.”
“Good,” Noah said softly. “That makes two of us.”
Benji bit his lip, teeth catching on his bruised skin. Noah had assumed he’d bitten Benji and forgotten. Then Benji had admitted that he’d been chewing it in the early hours, awake in his arms and unable to fall back to sleep in that cramped single bed.
Noah ached to reach up and pull that beautiful lip away. Not to stop him from biting it, just to watch his lip move under his thumb. Benji would let him do it. Benji would let him do so many things.
While Max ran into the apartment, complaining about all the posters he had to take down, Noah caught Benji’s hand to keep him in the hall.
Benji turned, looking reluctant. “What?”
Noah wanted to destroy whoever taught this boy to always expect the worst. He pulled Benji further into the hall, away from the open door.
“Before we start packing,” he said. “I want you to do something for me. Actually, I want you tonotdo something for me.”
“Depends what it is,” Benji said dubiously. “I’m gonna be kind of busy over the next few days.”
“I know, baby.” Noah pushed a stray curl behind Benji’s ear, making sure that Max’s yelling was coming from his room before continuing, “I don’t want you to come. Even by yourself.”
Benji’s cheeks reddened. His face twisted: first in shock, then a strange mix of outrage and lust.
“What?” He pulled Noah further from the door, voice lowering. “I can’t jerk off? Why?”
“Because I said so,” Noah said. “And because you’re going to be stressed. And when you get too stressed, I want you to think about me. About how good you’re being for me.”
Benji’s long eyelashes fluttered. “That’s… Noah. Not jerking off won’t make melessstressed. Are you trying to kill me?”
“No. I’m trying to distract you. I’m trying to remind you that while all of this”—Noah gestured at the apartment, Max’s voice still leaking out the door—“is annoying, it’s not what matters.We’rewhat matters. And after all of this is over, you’re still my good boy.”
Benji made a noise deep in his throat. He swayed forward. For a moment, Noah thought he was going to kiss him right in the hallway, where Max might walk out and see. Then he blinked, pulling himself back.
“What?” he asked breathlessly. “So, I just… can’t jerk off until you say so?”
“Never said you can’t jerk off,” Noah told him. “I said you can’tcome.”
Benji’s mouth fell open. He was still gaping when Noah reached the door, turning to look back at him.
“Coming?” Noah asked innocently.
Benji’s mouth spasmed. His jaw snapped shut, his cheeks flushing deliciously red.
“Apparently not,” he muttered, then followed Noah inside.
