“Good boy,” Noah said quietly.
Benji averted his gaze as Noah wiped the cloth over his face and down his neck, clearing the sweat.
“Why are you being so nice?” Benji asked hoarsely. “I was an asshole.”
“I beat you to it, I think.” Noah swept the cloth gently over Benji’s Adam’s apple, feeling it bob through the cloth.
“Shut up,” Benji told him. His scowl was back, but this time it wasn’t directed at Noah. Like so many of Benji’s pissed off expressions, this one was directed inwards.
“I should’ve safeworded,” he admitted as Noah ran the cloth over his shoulders. “I’ve been thinking about it. If I was in your place, if you had done something you didn’t like to make me happy… fuck, if you werecryingabout it. Yeah, that’d make me feel pretty shit. I would’ve freaked out way more than you did.”
Benji bit his lip, his gaze going defiant. “But youstillshouldn’t have called me a fucking dog.”
“I know,” Noah said hastily. “I’m sorry. I should’ve handled that better. Especially when you were still coming up.”
Benji scoffed, shoulders tensing under the washcloth. “I can handle myself.”
“You ran out of the apartment in bare feet,” Noah reminded him.
Benji twisted toward him, already snarling.
Noah cut him off. “Iknowyou’re tough. You don’t have to prove it to me. Alright? I won’t walk out because you’re not intoevery little thing I’m into. I want to make you feel good. To give you what you need.”
“I’m fine,” Benji insisted, jerking away from the washcloth Noah was rubbing over his back. “And I was fine without you, and your clothes, and your car, and?—”
“I wasn’t fine without you.”
Benji’s jaw snapped shut. A limp curl fell over his forehead. He didn’t move when Noah pushed it back up, running his hand gently through Benji’s sweaty hair.
“I was lonely,” Noah admitted, cradling Benji’s fever-warm cheek. “I had this huge part of myself that I was stifling. I needed someone who I could give myself to. Someone I could have all of in return. I meant it when I said I’ve been waiting for you.”
Benji’s dark eyes filled with tears. He sucked in a wet breath like he was going to speak, and then promptly curled over, coughing.
Noah sat behind him, resting his chin on Benji’s shoulder and rubbing his arms until the coughs turned into sobs.
“This is just because of the fever,” Benji said, voice warped with tears. “Just fucking ignore me.”
“I never could, baby.” Noah kissed his shoulder, waiting for Benji to stop leaning away from him and start leaning in, instead. The tears quietened, Benji relaxing back against his chest. His voice was shredded, and his body slumped like he’d just run a marathon.
“Been having such weird dreams,” Benji admitted. “About Aunt Nat.”
“You don’t talk about her much.”
Benji snorted. “Noooo.Thatwould require opening up.” His head lolled sideways, wet forehead pressing into Noah’s neck. “I don’t know if she would’ve liked you.”
“No?”
“She had a tough life. No handouts, y’know? Even when she got really bad at the end, she still tried to do everything herself. We found her passed out in the kitchen trying to heat up some soup, and shestilltried to get us to fuck off.”
“My dad was like that,” Noah offered. “He took it as an insult if someone tried to help. Even valets or wait staff. He thought they’d try to steal from him. He was incredibly private and paranoid.”
Benji headbutted his jaw gently. “Younever talk abouthim!”
“He died thirteen years ago. I don’t have much to say.” Noah nuzzled Benji’s hair, considering. “He was… prim. Very ‘children are seen and not heard.’ He wasn’t cruel, just distant. Didn’t have much to do with mom; they had a messy divorce, I never knew much about it. She moved to Madrid when I was one. When we were teenagers, we had a maid called Loretta. I still call her a few times a year. Mostly it was just me and Mikey.”
“He took care of you?”
“He’s only a year and a half older. We took care of each other.”
