Two days later.
River
Can you at least let me know you’re alright?
any sign of life will do
Alex I’m sorry
It had been a week since I’d seen River. Four days since he’d stopped sending me apology texts.
Ridiculously enough, it stung the first day I woke up to no apology. Even though I was the one who was ignoring him, his lack of trying made me feel like thrown-out garbage. Like he had given up on me.
I was so happy when he asked for my help with the project. He clearly didn't need help and just wanted to see me, and knowing that just made me want to say yes. On top of that, it was a bit like getting revenge on my parents. Yeah, I followed their lead like usual, but part of me was glad I was still working on it even though they were against it. It was almost like I had never dropped the class.
My sister caught on that something was up with me in an instant, and I didn’t have the energy to keep it from her. She tried so hard not to say I told you so, not to remind me she knew things with River would only be messy from the get-go, but her profuse head shakes and constant heavy exhales did it for her.
Annabelle said it was for the better. There was a reason we were separated as kids, and although I didn’t know it, it was probably a good one. Especially if he couldn’t be bothered to confess that something happened seven years ago.
Ever since then, I’d been moving through life like a zombie. Wake up, study, go to class, study, clean up after Salem, babysit Millie, study more, reread River’s apology texts, sleep. Repeat.
Without River playing cruel mind games, I should have felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. Instead, I felt like I was drowning, like every aspect of my life was piling on top of me and I couldn’t touch the surface. It was suffocating.
I was on my way back home from class and stopped by the dining hall for some much-needed food before cramming for my biology exam. It felt like studying for that class was all I ever did, which was ironic because it was by far the worst grade I had.
Outside the front doors of the dining hall, I spotted him. Not River, and in any other circumstance, that would be a good thing. But now? I wished it were my ex-best friend with the spotty memory blocking the entrance.
Killian stood as if he were waiting for someone, his free hand in his pocket and his eyes glued to his phone. It was too late to retreat by the time I recognized him. At first, I thought he would pretend he didn’t see me. That was what usually happened.
So when he came toward me with a small smile and a wave, I froze.
“Alex,” Killian breathed. “How are you?”
Clearing my throat, I mentally reminded myself to keep the nervous blabber to a minimum. I parted my lips to speak, but suddenly, an idea popped into my head. It was a tactic I had never tried before. One that River Moore had perfected for himself.
The art of faking it till you make it.
I shifted my weight onto my right leg and nodded up. “Never better.”
Killian raised a brow, but smiled. “That’s good. I’m glad.”
I could feel the nervous words trying to break free, and it was taking everything in me to hold them back. My ex flipped his black curls to the side as he tapped his foot repeatedly on the ground. He had a reason for stopping me. There was something on his mind.
Killian grabbed my wrist and guided me to the nearby bench. I knew better than to listen to him. There was nothing he could say to me that I wanted to hear. Yet, I took the seat beside him.
“Listen,” he began as his eyes found mine. “I’ve done a lot of reflecting on myself as a person, and in doing that, it made me think a lot about you.”
He paused, looking at me as if he expected the sentence to get a reaction out of me. It didn’t.
“And… I regret a lot of what I’ve done,” he admitted softly. “Honestly, Alex, it scared me that I was still with the only person I’d ever been in a relationship with. They say you aren’t supposed to end up with your first love, but I’m not sure I believe that anymore.”
My head recoiled in pure astonishment, breaking the act. “Yeah, well, you don’t have to worry about it. You broke up with me.”
Killian’s shoulders slumped. “I know, okay? I regret it.”
My ex had no right to throw such heavy words at me. It was selfish of him, and insulting to me. I was a fairly passive person, especially when I didn’t need to be, but I had standards.
But that didn’t kill curiosity as to whether that was the only reason he ended things.
