Wanting to check for myself, I found River again. He wasn’t looking at me anymore, instead engaging in his friend’s conversation. His black backpack displayed a bold red number nine, as well as his last name. It was identical to the ones the group surrounding him wore. I faced Eli before River could get the chance to embarrass me once again.
Elias rested his elbow on the table and his head in his hand impatiently. “Now, can you tell me who he is?”
Hmm. River was my childhood best friend who ripped my little heart out and stomped on it, only to then gaslight me into believing we never knew each other in the first place, seven years later.
But that explanation was dramatic.
“We were friends until the end of middle school and haven’t talked since then.” Was what I settled on, far less exaggerated than what I was thinking.
“You went to school together?” He asked, intrigued. I nodded. “What happened after middle school? Did he move away?”
I nodded again. “Yeah, but we stopped being friends before then.”
“Why?”
The question always made me laugh because it was the one I had been trying to answer for years.
I had my theories—his parents told him to do it; he found another best friend that wasn’t the loneliest one on the playground; he wasn’t as unaffected by the one kiss we shared as he claimed he was; and the list went on.
Regardless of the theories, the outcome remained the same. We weren’t friends anymore, and we weren’t friends now.
“I don’t know,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
Eli scratched his chin, eyes analyzing me. “You still miss him?”
How pathetic was I to still miss my best friend seven years later?
I turned my head over my shoulder again, and I let out a sigh when I laid eyes on River yet again. He had his hand pressed on his stomach as he laughed with his friends, cheeks rising and eyes lighting up in a way that made my heart clench.
It felt pathetic for me to watch his friends with envy for how casually they laughed with him. Seven years was a hell of a lot of time, and he’d clearly changed since then. Still, I wish the bright smile and giggles on his face were because of me.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Yeah. I know it’s pretty sad of me. He’s moved on so much he doesn’t know who I am, but I’m still stuck.”
“Not sad, man.” Eli smiled with sympathy. “I get it.”
For years, I played out in my head what it would be like if I ever saw River again.
We would spot each other at opposite ends of the room, then there would be a moment of hesitation while both of us stood in disbelief that it was truly real. It wouldn’t take long before the moment of hesitation was replaced with giddy smiles and warm feelings as we ran toward each other like we were in a Disney movie.
River would tell me why he ghosted me in the first place. It would be a big misunderstanding between the two of us, something that could easily be forgiven. Then we would rekindle and catch up on the lost time.
Clearly, I lived in a fantasy land. The universe was fucked up for doing this to me. It should have kept River wherever he was before if all he was going to do was appear around me and not-so-subtly stare at me.
“Well,” Eli started as he sent a nasty look River’s way, “if the asshole wants to pretend that he doesn’t know you—which is such a terrible lie, by the way—let him. It’s his loss.”
It’s his loss.That was the same thing he told me after Killian broke up with me. Everyone offered that for comfort, but at what point did it stop being uplifting and simply become untrue?
“His loss,” I repeated.
After studying with Eli, I had to get home quickly because my sister was dropping my niece off in less than an hour, and I needed the placede-Salem-fied. The mountain of dishes piled in the sink was unsurprising. I emptied it and cleaned the dishes this morning before I left, but in the six hours I had been away, they rejuvenated. My fists clenched at my sides at the sight, partly disappointed but mostly disgusted.
I knew picking up after Salem like his mom was only enabling him, but if I didn’t clean them, he was going to leave the dishes in there for days, and I couldn’t bear the thought of subjecting my niece to his filth.
Just as I started the sink water, my infamous roommate emerged from his bedroom. His freshly dyed black buzz cut was the first thing I noticed, and his pajama pants sagged as he trudged through the living room.
“Hey,” I started, hesitant and already afraid of where this was going. “Just wondering if you plan to do these at some point.”
Salem’s mouth grew wide as he yawned, not bothering to cover it. “I will.”
