I started from the very beginning. For them to understand everything that I was going to say they needed to get the background information. I started from freshman year when Javier first came to the school. He got stellar grades on tests, he bonded with the teachers, and everyone knew his name within the first two weeks. It wasn’t until he started to show me up that I began to hate him and everything he did. I had to despise the guy that was crumbling all of the hard work I had put in since I had started elementary school.
Javier never tried to be perfect, he just was. He completed the tests faster than anyone else and then scored the highest out of the entire class. It pissed me off, and he would rub it in my face because he knew it pissed me off. The entire thing was a game to him. Maybe he didn’t realize that it wasn't a game for me.
Then I explained to them how things started changing this year. I told them about the nights he took care of me, the times he picked me up and brought me home, as well as the times I ended up in his house. I didn’t mention the last time where I woke up with his dick pressed against me, but I sure thought about it. Suddenly, it was oddly warm in the apartment.
Javier had never done things like that until recently. Before now I was convinced that his sole purpose was to be unapologetically better than me in any way he could. Now, I didn’t know what his goal was. It was easier for me to hate theguy that never did anything but show me up than the guy that was seemingly showing that he cared.
“—and it’s confusing the hell out of me," I finished ranting.
"Wait, wait, wait." Alex readjusted himself in his chair and formed his hands into a steeple. "He has picked you up multiple times, taken care of you drunk twice, let you spend the night at his house, and you're still confused on whether or not he cares about you?"
I sighed. "It's not that simple. Yes, he's done all of that, but what if it’s because he’s trying to mess with my head or something?"
"You're just as delusional and oblivious as Alex is," Killian said half-jokingly.
Alex shot his roommate a tense side-eye before huffing.
"Stop moving," Millie reprimanded as she slapped my hand. My arm twitched when I felt the harsh sting of the slap.
"Eli, you have got to open your eyes because there is no way you believe he's doing all of that to mess with your head. He had no reason to.”
“You don’t know that.”
Alex ran a hand through his hair. "What would be the point in being fake nice? I don't know about you, but I wouldn't go out of my way to take care of someone I don’t like."
"But why the fu…" I trailed off when I remembered that tiny ears were listening. "Why theheckwould he like me? All these years and all of a sudden I'm someone for him to care about? No, there must be some other reason. I cannot have feelings for him if he is only pretending to care to prove a stupid point."
My jaw was clenched and my fingernails were digging into my palms. I hadn’t realized how strongly I felt about the situation. Alex and Killian sat silent with skeptical looks on their faces. Meanwhile, Millie continued to glide the polish brush against my fingernail and it felt oddly therapeutic.
"Feelings for him?" Killian broke the silence, his voice rough.
I blinked. "Huh? No, not likefeelings, feelings."
When I saw the unconvinced looks on their faces my first thought was to continue trying to lie my way out of it. However, I realized that the two sitting in front of me were not going to believe me no matter how much I fibbed.
"Okay, maybe I did meanfeelings, feelings. I don’t know," I whispered. "Is that cool?"
Alex’s eyes filled with disbelief morphed into a gentle gaze. “Yeah, of course.”
I focused on picking at my fingernails because I didn’t want to meet their eyes when I felt so exposed. Their reaction to my accidental confession was comforting and I greatly appreciated it, but I still felt oddly vulnerable after doing so.
The roommates burst into laughter together. Millie joined in on the chuckles, though she only did that because the other two were cracking up. I was left in the dark because I had no clue what was so funny.
After the giggles died down, my confusion was still evident. Killian cleared his throat. "You do know what Alex and I are, right?"
I stared at them, dumbfounded. "Uh, white?"
Alex snorted. "He means, like, what we are together."
"Oh. Roommates."
"Boyfriends," Millie stressed, clearly fed up with my ignorance. She was still focused on painting my nails but had been tuned into the conversation. "Alex and Killian do gross things like share cooties. They hold hands and hug andbleh."
It took me a second to process what I was being told, but when I did my eyes lit up. “Oh, wait, that makes so much sense! That’s really awesome for you guys.”
Looking back, it was pretty clear from the moment I met them. I was so caught up in myself that everything else around me was irrelevant. Guess I'd have to break the news to Bella that Killian was not single, and that even if he was single, she wouldn't have a shot.
“So, you might have feelings for Javier?" Killian asked.
