“So you think heisangry?” My hands flew to my forehead as I groaned. “Fuck, why am I so damn stupid? Can you take me to him? Please? He’s my best friend.”
“Yeah, no problem.” Javier squeezed my shoulder.
Javier smiled sympathetically. “Yeah, I have to go get donuts anyway.”
“You’re a lifesaver.” And I meant that.
Ricky and I had dumb fights just as much as any normal best friends did. We got over the petty arguments quickly because normally there wasn’t a real problem in the first place, but whatever had happened last night felt different. Maybe it was because I couldn't fully remember what went down, but I feared that he was genuinely upset with me.
The fear that he was going to end the friendship because I did something stupid was making me feel more nauseous than I already was. Each step I took to Javier’s car felt like a boat rocking on a ship.
Ricky was the one person in my life who I truly could not live without. I had to make sure we were okay.
Javier gave me a t-shirt and shorts to throw on so that I didn’t have to wear the bunny costume in public. The shirt was only a few inches too big, but the shorts fit just fine. It made sense because we were only a couple of inches apart in height, anyway.
Javier and I didn’t speak much during the car ride, but when we did it was when he would give me his optimistic thoughts about my best friend and I. He tried to reassure me that I hadn’t fucked up my relationship with the only person to ever truly stay by my side. I appreciated Javi’s attempt to ease my head, but my mind had already convinced itself to believe the worst.
Had I been able to fully remember what the conversation between Ricky and I was then maybe I wouldn’t have been so worked up. It was the lack of gaps to fill in the blank. Javier said he didn’t seem too upset, he was more frustrated than anything. That was what scared me.
Once we got to our destination, I thanked Javier for the ride and rushed to the front door. I was standing on the porch as I knocked a few times.
"I'm sorry,” I said as soon as the front door opened.
Ricky raised a brow as he ran a hand through his messy hair. “Eli?”
I took a moment to take note of his demeanor. He was not fuming with anger, so that was a good sign. However, he did appear drained. It looked as if he hadn't slept a wink in days. Ricky had a weird obsession with his sleep schedule, so his tired state was a telltale sign that something was off.
The sound of wheels moving against rocks was heard and Ricky’s eyes followed the car. “Who just dropped you off?”
“Javier, but that isn’t relevant. I’m sorry.”
Ricky let out a heavy sigh before stepping through the door and shutting it behind him. He leaned against the door frame with a slight frown. "Do you even know why you're sorry?"
I paused. “Not right now, but it’ll come back to me. I swear.”
Ricky chuckled disappointedly. “You’re apologizing but you don’t even know what you did wrong."
“I know I did something—or maybe it was because I didn’t do something? I don’t know, dude. I just know I’m sorry for whatever happened.”
"You didn’t really do anything,” he muttered. I couldn't tell if he was speaking the truth or lying for my sake.
“What happened last night?”
“I told you to stay at the party and you did. All you did was listen to what I told you to do.”
It was starting to come back to me in pieces. I remembered him coming up to me, obviously distressed and wanting to go. Clearly I didn’t leave with him. That was shitty of me. Something terrible could have happened to him because I was too selfish to leave that damn party. Who knew what had happened tomake him so adamant about leaving? I should have dropped everything and went after him regardless of him telling me to stay.
“You would have gone after me and I should have gone after you,” I said, feeling the regret from my actions.
“I mean, yeah. I would’ve gone after you,” he said with a loose shrug. His eyes focused on the ground as he slid his foot back and forth. “But lately you seem to care more about liquor than your friends.”
Ouch.
I took a step forward, determined. “That is not true.”
Ricky’s eyes met mine, a piece of his over-grown hair covering the right one. His jaw was clenched, but his eyes had a sense of sympathy behind them. “I know you don’t think it is.”
All I could do was blink. The hell was I supposed to say to that? I did not put alcohol above my friends. Alcohol was an enhancer, it made me feel good when everything around me felt bad. But that didn’t mean it was everything. My friends were my everything.
