"So why am I here?"
"I don't know."
I pulled to cover closer to me. “Alright. Well, why am I in your room and not the guest room?”
His fingers brushed against mine. “Honest answer?”
I nodded once.
“I wanted you close.”
I couldn’t be more grateful than in that moment for the dark. It kept him from seeing the pure shock and confusion on my face that was caused by his confession. I kept my mouth shut because I had no clue what words were going to come out of it if I didn’t.
We silently laid next to each other in the dark. I watched as his arm moved up to his forehead and to scratch it. He was like a silhouette next to me. I couldn't see the faces that he was making, but I could see his body parts. I could see his hand that was still right next to mine, and his fingers that occasionally brushed against mine with no intention of moving.
We sat there for what felt like an hour, neither of making any move to speak. At that moment, I forgot about everything else in my life. I forgot about my siblings, my parents, my mistakes, my losses, everything. At that moment I did not hate Javier. I didn'thave many words to explain the feelings I felt, but it was not a bad feeling. I could say that it felt safe.
I spent the entire night falling in and out of sleep. As terrible as it sounded, it was some of the most decent sleep I had in a while. Morning came quicker than I thought it would. I woke up to the smell of fresh bacon and waffles cooking downstairs. Javier was no longer next to me, so I could only assume he was already chowing down on the food.
When I made my way down the stairs, I was greeted by him and his mother. Instead of eating the food, he was helping her cook it. They were already finished by the time I showed up, and his mom insisted that I eat her breakfast. I politely declined multiple times because I did not want to intrude, but she would not let up.
"Where are you going to go?" Javier asked before taking the last bite of his bacon.
I had finished eating my breakfast and he was just about done with his, but we did not speak the entire meal. That meant that we hadn’t had a conversation since the night before. I was glad that none of his siblings or his parents had decided to join us because there was a weird tension between us that I couldn’t explain. One that I feared might have been noticeable to others if they watched.
"Home,” I stated.
Javier raised an eyebrow at me. "How will you get there?"
"I’ve got legs, I can walk," I said. Javier looked somewhat opposed to the idea but had no reason to be because I was very used to walking long distances.
"I can drive you," he offered.
The last thing I needed was another favor from him. He had already let me sleep in his home and in his bed, so that was something I was forever going to be in debt to him for. He had also given me rides on his motorcycle, more favors that I couldnot repay. As nice of it was for him to offer again, I didn’t want that. I was still supposed to hate him, after all.
I placed my fork and knife on the now empty plate. "I'm okay, thanks."
"It's not that short of a walk," said Javier. He stood up and picked up his plate and then mine. As he walked toward the sink with the plates, he said, "It's no big deal for me to bring you."
"I've walked farther. Listen, I don't need you to be my knight in shining armor." I didn’t mean to be rude, but sometimes I couldn’t help it. “Thanks for helping me out, seriously, but I don’t need anything else from you.”
His never-ending helpfulness irked me. I could continue figuring things out on my own just like I had been doing for pretty much my entire life. This was the guy who continuously made me feel inferior. The guy who was constantly trying to be better than me—and succeeding at it. It was the guy who everyone loved because he was hot, smart, bilingual, and arrogant, not because of anything that actually mattered. He was the last person that I wanted to be in debt to.
I did not need his kindness.
The loud clunk of the plates clashing against each other in the sink rang through the house. Javier turned around, his eyebrows knitted together and his jaw clenched. "Fine, then walk."
"I will." I smiled condescendingly with my arms folded.
"Don't get another black eye on the way home," Javier snipped.
My head jerked backward at the harshness of his words, but I quickly regained my composure. With that, I got up and walked out of the front door, not bothering to utter another word before doing so.
He didn't try to stop me. I would never admit it out loud, but I was hoping that he would.
Eight
Eli
