Ricky was twirling a pencil between his fingers. "Sounds good."
"Should I change the words ‘ups and downs’ to something else? Does it sound weird?"
He shook his head once "It sounds good."
I set the paper down on the desk with a groan, giving him a dull look as I took a seat. "Ricky, you've said that every time I've asked about the speech. It can't all be good."
"But it is." Ricky started to chew on the pencil as he sat with one foot in the chair. "It all sounds well written, I don't know what else to say."
I dropped my head into my hands frustratedly. "I was hoping for a little more than what you're giving me."
Ricky took a beat before setting the chewed pencil down. "You're thinking way too hard about this. I get that you want to beat your boyfriend, but don't stress yourself out."
I shot him a narrowed look, somewhere between disbelief and offense. "This is not just because I want to beat Javier. Yes, we made it into a competition, but I'm not stressed because I want to win."
His lips pressed together. "Then what's the reason?"
My teeth grinded against each other and I rested my head on my hand. "I am giving the opening speech to a huge crowd of people, it’s scary. Also, not sure if you’re aware, but most of our classmates don’t really like me. I know they aren't going to boo me off of the stage or anything like that but knowing that they don't care for me doesn't help me feel better about having to give a speech."
Ricky's face softened at the confession. "Eli, don't worry about them."
"If it were that easy then I wouldn't," I stated. "I never used to care, but I do right now. I did all of this to get here and now I don't even want to give the speech."
I always thought I never cared what other people thought about me. Looking back on it, I was just gaslighting myself into believing that my irrelevant classmates' opinions of me did not affect me. It most certainly did, I just got good at ignoring it.
Now that I had to give a speech in front of all of them as well as their parents and family, I was apprehensive. I didn't want to feel all of their eyes on me as they listened to me talk about our high school experience. I never cared for giving speeches in the first place and now there was even more pressure to make it great.
My eyes fell to the floor as I slumped in the chair with defeat. I was about to say forget it and call that enough working for one day, but Ricky snapped his fingers in my face. I was caught off guard by his sudden aggressiveness, but he didn't leave me time to speak.
"That's too bad because you're giving the speech whether you like it or not," he said unapologetically. "I get being a little nervous, but don't let the reason you're scared and stressed be because of those random kids in our class."
"I just want it to be perfect so that they don't have room to say shit," I mumbled.
"You're literally our salutatorian. You had the second highest grade point average out of our entire class, that's why you get to give the opening speech. Do any of them get to say that? No, they don't have room to say shit whether your speech is perfect or not," he preached. "So what if they don't like you? You're not going to see most of their faces again after this. Trust yourself, trust your speech, because I'm telling you it's great so far."
He stared me down until he could see me starting to agree with him. "No, you're right."
"Yeah, I know I’m right. And if I hear anyone say anything bad about you then I'll tell them off right there in front of everyone. They'll have to pause the ceremony because I'll have caused a scene."
My nostrils flared as I grinned. "This is why you're my best friend."
"Because I'll cuss people out for you?"
"Because you always have my back no matter what. Thanks."
"Always." Ricky stuck the pencil into his mouth again. "Now read me the rest of this award-winning speech."
***
Wearing the cap and gown felt like we were playing dress up. The entire day felt like it was out of a movie, there was no way it was truly the day of graduation. We had completed high school and were about to walk across the stage and receive our diplomas. It was something we all dreamed about but never expected it to ever get here.
We walked out to the crowd in a line sorted by our rank order. Seeing the massive crowd of people did not help my looming anxiety. I knew there would be a lot of watchers, but damn. No wonder we had to hold graduation on the football field, all of the bleachers were maxed out.
It took a while for everyone to get situated. Me, Javi, and the class other officers got to sit on the stage for the beginning of the ceremony. Once I gave my speech they would have us go sit with the rest of the class to start handing out diplomas. Then at the end we would go back onto the stage for Javier's closing speech.
I didn't know what to do with my hands as I sat nervously. I wanted to get my speech over with so that the attention could be taken off of me. They allowed me to keep my notecards with me while I gave the speech, but I had rehearsed so much that it was burned into my brain. I did not even need them, but I still kept them just in case.
Once Principal Montgomery finished talking on the mic, she called me up there. Javier was sitting next to me, and he gave my leg a squeeze for support before I stood up.
