"I was just upset that my boyfriend liked someone else. Scratch that—I was upset that my boyfriend liked the one person who hated him.”
Diane had never truly been rude to me. She shot mean glares sometimes and said a few questionable things, but she was never outright cruel. Before Javier we never talked much, but when we did she was cordial with me. I could see her disapproval because was also a big rule follower, but she usually kept the thoughts to herself. The only reason I had ever felt any real dislike for her was solely because she used to be Javier’s girlfriend.
I honestly felt bad about her losing her boyfriend because he had feelings for someone else. It wasn’t like she didn’t know he had feelings for another person. She did, but she wanted to make it work anyway. Though, she also had feelings for someone else because she started messing with Justin. Funny how that worked.
It was all a mess. Regardless, that was a painful reason for a breakup, and I was just realizing how terrible it must have made her feel.
"I’m sorry things ended between you guys the way they did,” I said. “That must have been hard for you.”
Diane smiled sadly. "Our relationship should have ended long before he started really liking you. We were trying to make it work to not lose our friendship. That’s what happens when you date your friends."
The half-smile half-frown on her face told me that these two were very close before they went the dating route. Were they forced to be apart because it was awkward, or was it because of me? Javier wouldn’t do anything that he did not think I would like. After I freaked out when I saw him talking to her, of course he would stay away.
I thought about how if I ever dated one of my friends and it didn’t work out, I would still want to be friends with them. Nothaving them in my life scared me. Javi had spoken briefly about how much he loved Diane as a friend, that she was there for him and he was there for her. They were compatible as friends, not lovers. I couldn’t be the one to take that away.
My tongue glided against my bottom lip. "If the only reason you aren’t friends is because of me, I want you to know that I don’t mind it.”
Her lashes batted as she blinked. "Really?"
"Yeah. You were friends before me and you should stay that way.”
I couldn’t lie, telling Javier’s ex girlfriend that I was fine with them being friends pained me.
However, I trusted him. All he had done these past few months was prove to me that he loved me. The fact that he was willing to give up that friendship for me showed me how much he meant it. I wanted him to have his friendship back with someone that was important to him.
Diane was never a bad person, she was just Javier's girlfriend at one point. I could put my own insecurities aside because it was for him.
Diane reached over the seat and grabbed my hand to squeeze it tight. “Thank you for being so cool about it. I’m not sure I would be if the roles were reversed. I hope that maybe we can be friends too."
Friends might have been a bit of a long shot for Diane and me, but we could see where this would take us. Her hand lingered on mine in care, but she held it for too long because it was long enough for her to feel the shaking that had just started again in my hand.
Ah, another gift from the lingering effects of the withdrawals.
The trembling only lasted for a second and it was nowhere near as bad as it was a few days ago, but it still happened. Everytime I thought it was done it came back to remind me that I made some really bad choices. No matter how much I tried to fix them, I will have always made them.
Diane's face filled with worry, but I think it was more because of my reaction than the actual trembling. I buried my hand into my lap and my teeth grinded against each other. I knew she didn't know why it happened, but it was still embarrassing.
"Are you okay?" she asked gently. "Do you also get nervous on planes? You should know that they are the safest way of travel. You don’t need to be worried."
I forced my lips into a smile. "Thanks."
Diane stood up to allow room for Javier to slide into the middle seat once again. It did not take him long to notice the tension in my movements. "What's wrong?"
I wanted so badly to lie and save myself the embarrassment, but I could not. Lying was a big reason that I was even in this mess and Javier was not going to let it go until I told him the truth.
"Tremors," I mumbled. “It only lasted for a second, but it messed with my head.”
He frowned before he reached for the hand that I was holding protectively. He interlocked our fingers once again and squeezed once.
"I’ve got you," Javier said firmly.
"I know you do," I whispered.
Thirty-eight
Eli
The first day at the theme park passed by in a blur of endless fun. There was a lot of line waiting, but once we made it onto the ride and getting park food afterward made up for it. Kailey used all of her efforts to try and stay on the schedule she created for us. Her plan did make it easy to know where to go next and it was helpful, but it stressed her out how easily distracted everyone would get. There were so many things going on around us that paying attention was difficult. We all apologized to Kailey and thanked her for her efforts.
