"Breathe, breathe," she spoke calmly. "What's wrong?"
"He..." I pointed up the stairs weakly, struggling to figure out how to word it. "Someone should go up there"
My mom and Alan shared a pointed look before Alan rushed up the stairs. As he left, my mom pulled me into a hug. I eventually felt another pair of arms go around me in comfort and I knew from the flowery scent that it was Gabriela’s. My heart continued to beat at a rapid pace as I tried to take a deep breath.
"I know he's not okay right now." I laid my head against my mother’s chest. "But he was acting like I don’t love him, like everything I’ve done these past few days hasn’t been to help him. Have I done that bad of a job at being there for him?"
"You have done an amazing job,” Mamàsaid with clear certainty. “You have done nothing but be there for him and Eli knows that, trust me.”
“Yeah, he’s just sick right now. It’s not on you,” Gabriela added encouragingly.
My mom then sighed. "You have such a big heart, but this is why it is important that you take a break too."
I pulled back from the hug. "What?"
"Take your sister and go spend time with her. You haven’t left the house in days, you’ll get stir crazy.”
I was hurt by Eli’s words, but me walking out of the room did not mean I wanted to leave entirely. I only needed a couple of minutes to myself, not hours. "I'm not leaving him."
"You cannot help him if you don’t help yourself," she said sternly, leaving no room for protest. "I’m not budging this time, Javier. He is in safe hands and will be here when you get back."
Gabriela tugged my arm with a smile. "Let’s go get food, I’m starving."
I did not want to. I wanted to be there formy babybecause he was all that mattered to me. This was proving difficult for me to navigate, but that meant it was much worse for him. I already had to leave him for half of the day tomorrow to go back to school and now they wanted me to give up a big part of today too.
But everyone here was telling me that I needed to go, and it was not like I had much of an option.
My sister and I went to a local restaurant that I didn’t even know the name of. She took us here because she said she had been wanting to try it for the longest time. I was fine with whatever. I was hungrier than I thought I was, so I kept the complaining to a minimum.
Gabriela tried to take my mind off everything, but I could see that she was worried too. We tried to keep the details from her, but Gabriela wasn't a small child. She knew what was goingon and how bad the situation was. Since she cared for Eli just as much as I did, it was affecting her too. Even with all of the worrying, the outing with my sister was still nice. At one point I did forget about what was going on at home just like the trip intended.
It was insisted that we stay out for longer than just an hour, so I took her to the outlet mall. I told her we were window shopping because we needed something to pass the time. She ended up leaving with a new pair of shoes and a coat.
We were out for four hours before we made it home. There was only so much that we could do to pass the time and I had been itching to go back. When I came into my room, I hoped to find him asleep. Instead, I found him lying on the floor. My heart skipped a beat at the sight, but then I took a closer look and saw that he was not in any immediate danger.
He was lying on his back with legs bent and his head turned to me. Eli smiled weakly.
"Why are you on the floor?" I asked, a mix of worry and confusion in my tone.
Eli put his palms flat on the ground and pushed himself to sit up. "Sorry. I was trying something new to see if it would help."
I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. "Did it?"
I crouched down and sat on the floor next to him. He scooted forward and bear hugged me, his body weight leaning onto me. The sudden movement surprised me because I was still having trouble figuring out when he did and did not want to be touched. I wrapped my arms around him as he did me.
"Not really," he mumbled. "I'm sorry for what I said earlier, I didn’t mean that. I love you.”
Such a small gesture and very few words, yet they meant so much. I did not want to be made to feel like I was not doingeverything in my power to help him. It made me prideful to know the words he spewed before were just that, words.
“I love you too,” I muttered into the crook of his neck.
“And thank you for being here.”
I rubbed my hand in small circles on his lower back. “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”
The next day was better than the previous. I wasn't there for most of it because I was forced to go to school, but I was sent messages throughout the day about how Eli was doing. It gave me peace of mind.
Day five was when he was okay with people coming to see him. Ricky, Bella, Kailey, and Paxton had been dying too, but he felt too embarrassed and guilty. He still felt that way, but he felt psychically okay enough to see the people that cared about him. They came one day after school, and we all spent the afternoon together as normally as possible.
