Eli felt like shit and I felt like shit for him. To see him so desperately crave affection and be denied it made me sick. He did not deserve that.
When the twins couldn't make up their minds, when Macy blamed him for his parents' deaths, when he was his own worst enemy, I would be there. I would be the constant in his life through the good and the hardship because he was worth it.
Elias pulled back from the hug with a sniff. His eyes were glossy as they searched mine. I did not know what he was searching for, but the slight shaking told me he was apprehensive.
"I love you," Eli confessed with a quiver of his lip.
I blinked at him unexpectedly. Was this real? The guy who had hated my guts since he first met me—who spent our entire four years of high school trying to prove that he was better than me was now saying he loved me?
I had said that I loved him earlier, but I had yet to say it to his face.
Get the words out, Javier. Tell him you love him.
He shifted against me. "You don't have to say it back yet. I just wanted you to know that."
Unable to do anything else, my hands cupped his cheeks as I pressed my lips against his. He reciprocated, leaning into the kiss with a longing like we had been apart for years. My heart swelled as I kissed my rival.
Pulling back from the kiss, I gave him a peck on the forehead. Our foreheads rested against each other gently.
"I love you too, more than you know."
Thirty-five
Javier
When my mom kept reiterating to me that this next week was going to be difficult, I did not fully grasp just how challenging it truly would be.
The first night back from the hospital was alright. He had a hangover of the century and it was apparent by once glance at him. Eli had heavy bags under his eyes, and he kept complaining about his head. The painkillers weren't doing their job.
My mom suggested that he sleep in the guest room because she believed he needed his own space. That, and him sharing the bed with me might be too much for me. This wasn't about me, though. It was about Eli and I had to make that clear to them.
I spent a long time trying to convince my mom to let him stay in my room. It was where he had always stayed when he would spend the night, so it was familiar. Plus, it meant that I would be right there when he needed me. If something were to happen or if he were to try something I would be able to step in. She was very hesitant in giving in to what I wanted and it took some begging, but she eventually agreed.
"Alright, Javier, but if it starts to become too much for you—"
“I don’t understand why you keep saying that,” I muttered. “I’m not the one with a problem, he is.”
“I know.” She ruffled my hair with a tight grin. “And I know how much you want to help which is why I am allowing this. It’s okay, I’ll be watching the both of you.”
I got the gist of her warnings; focusing too much on his problem could take a toll on me. Taking care of someone with a really serious problem was tough, especially if you did not know exactly what you were getting yourself into. My mother wanted me to help him, but only if I would not lose myself in the process.
The second day out of the hospital things got worse because it was the start of the withdrawals. Firstly, he was anxious. If I said or did anything suddenly, he would flinch. His hand rested on his chest like it was too tight for him to breathe and he kept asking me so many questions.
Some were about his siblings.
"Why would they send you to tell me that they love me but not say it themselves? That doesn’t make any sense at all."
I had no good answer for that. Eli spent thirty long minutes stressing himself over the twins and their actions. Thirty minutes of non-stop questions about how they looked at the hospital, how they reacted to the news about him, if I thought that they would ever try and form a real relationship with him. He focused on them for so long that I feared he would never move on.
Some questions were about what he had done to himself.
"What if I fucked up my memory for good?" his hand trembled in his lap as he spoke. "Or something worse, like my liver. Those can't be replaced. Or can they? No, livers can be replaced, but memory can’t."
I reminded him of what the doctor had told us. Yes, the continuous alcohol use had been taking a toll on his health as it was causing acute memory loss and lowering his stamina. Asscary as that sounded, it was not a difficult fix. The problem had not gone on long enough to leave permanent damage. Elias was lucky, but his anxious brain was not hearing that at the moment.
Some were asked with fear of how everyone felt about him.
"Do you think less of me now?" I could see the quick rise and fall of his chest and looked at me with wide eyes. "I understand if you do. What kind of idiot drinks that much at once? I traumatized you, Kailey, Ricky, and poor Gabriela."
