It hurts that I don’t believe you.
"Listen,” I said sternly, my arms folding to my chest as I stomped. “I know that you're hurting right now, and I am sorry for that, okay? I really am, but I am not going to sit here and watch you keep making this problem worse. I've been keeping my mouth shut for way too long now."
I took a deep breath, but it didn't get rid of the anger that was pulsating through my body. I wasn't angry at Elias, I was angry at what he was doing to himself. I was angry with myself that I had not realized that this was still happening.
"I am sorry," Eli whispered. His tone was genuine, but clearly it wasn't enough for him to stop.
"No, it's my fault for letting you deflect and run away from the problem all the time. I should have listened to myself and done something about it." My tongue glided across my bottom teeth. "I'm telling an adult."
That got him to look at me. The fear and pleading look in his eyes were large as he leaned forward with dismay. "What? Javi, I swear you do not have to do that. I know what I am doing, and I have it under control. You have to believe me."
That was the most emotion he had shown since we left his house.
"You're so far in denial and it scares the hell out of me." I let out a frustrated sigh and began pacing in small circles. "Be completely honest with me, Elias. How often do you drink?"
He went quiet and slipped back into the bubble he had been in before. I could see his chest rising and falling at a quicker pace as he thought.
"Just...sips before bed. Mostly."
I couldn’t help but wonder whether that was the full truth.
The focus on specifically before bed was what made something click for me. He always had trouble sleeping at my house. It took him a long time because he psychically could not force himself to drift off. I figured he simply had insomnia and was embarrassed about it for whatever reason, but obviously that was not what was happening.
Eli would stay awake until the early hours of the morning and now it made sense why. When he was with me, he couldn't have alcohol. If he was drinking every night before bed then it was because he had to, his body was so reliant on it that he couldn't sleep without it. He was so dependent on it that an entire night without any in his system made him too uneasy to get any proper rest.
My eyes widened at the harsh realization. This was far worse off than I had ever imagined it and I was naive for believing otherwise.
I marched up to him and stuck my hand out firmly. "Give it to me."
Eli had been gripping the bottle like his life depended on it, so I was surprised when he gave it up without a fight. Was it because he knew he was wrong, or was it because he knew I wasn't asking?
The tension in the room was so thick that it could be cut with a knife. Eli had nothing else to say while I had too much to say, but nothing that I wanted to say would not be helpful to him. Idid not want to lash out, but watching him hurt himself and act like he was doing no wrong made my blood boil. He needed soft voices and gentle words, but I was struggling to find that in me.
Sighing, I took my phone off the dresser and checked the time. I needed to leave because time was ticking, but more so because I needed to cool off. I was too worked up to not speak to him in a lecturing tone. I needed to give myself a moment of pause so that I could come back with the compassion he needed.
Eli also needed a moment to himself. I had taken the bottle away from him and he had barely gotten a sip of it before I did. The threat was gone, and we could figure it all out when I made it back.
"I've got to go but I’ll be quick." I moved toward the door but turned around with a look of reassurance. "We're going to get through this. Okay?"
Eli nodded once.
I passed Gabriela on my way back to my car and was bombarded with questions about all of the commotion. I told her not to worry about it because it was nothing, but my sister was smarter than that. She knew that whatever was going on was not ‘nothing’ like I tried to make it out to be.
Gabi insisted that she would make sure Eli was okay in the time that I was gone. He did not need to be babysat, but my sister was adamant about helping. I guessed having someone watch over him couldn’t hurt.
Traffic was light so I got there in no time, but of course that meant that the line inside had to be wrapped around the checkout counter. There was one cashier working and at least ten people waiting to purchase their items. Great, now I got to spend the next minutes of my life standing in line.
Five minutes passed and the line moved up three people. Having nothing else to do but stand there, I kept checking my phone to make sure I didn’t miss a text from Eli. I hadn't and itshould not have bothered me. He was not okay and wanted to be alone.
So why was there an uneasy feeling in my chest?
I felt guilty for being so harsh toward him. It just frustrated me so much to see him indulging in such a terrible thing, unaware of how much harm he was doing to himself. How could someone downplay something as serious as daily drinking?
I couldn’t even wrap my mind around how it could have gotten so bad. He was constantly around both of his siblings, they shared a room for fucks sake, so they had to have seen it happening. If one of my siblings had a bottle in their hand every night, there was no way I would let that go. The twins—and their aunt, but everyone was aware of the fact that she wasn’t worth shit—were watching it go down firsthand. They should have done something.
I suppressed a groan when I watched the cashier walk into the back, leaving the line full of people unattended until her return. Great, more time to be spent in the clothing store.
"Javier?" asked a familiar voice.
