But it did not seem like a huge obstacle when it was Javi because he made everything feel easier. The only thing stopping me from seeing him was that I did not want him to be around me. It was like part of me was worried that my negative presence would contaminate him. I was in quarantine for the betterment of those around me, I did not need to spread the disease.
Yet, Ineededto be around him. He was my cure to my illness, but I couldn’t get too close because then it would contaminate him. My head collapsed on my pillow with a large sigh.
Until I realized that to hear him, I did not necessarily have to be around him.
I pressed the call button on Javier’s contact name. It rang for a few moments and I was beginning to think he wasn't going to pick up. We did not call each other often because we would either already be around each other or I would be at home and have my siblings too close to talk freely. However, today was the perfect day because the twins were avoiding me like I had the bubonic plague.
I did not want to listen to anyone, yet here I was calling him because he did not feel like just anyone to me.
I was getting ready to accept defeat because the ringing had gone on long enough, but when the dial tone clicked my hope was restored. I heard shuffling through the phone before it settled.
"Hello?" Javi's voice was distant, but his tone was full of curiosity.
"Hi," I whispered. "Thank you."
"You’re welcome. I hope you’re doing okay." His tone grew closer to the speaker, and it was light. It was like he knew something was up, but he couldn’t prove it so he treaded lightly.
“Better now that I’m talking to you.”
Javi did not know the details, but he wasn’t oblivious. He could sense my discomfort when it came to talking about anything to do with my personal life.
Javier never pushed me to give him any explanation on it all. With the tension he had witnessed between my siblings and I and Gabriela’s sudden pity for me, I expected him to ask a long time ago. He was very emotionally aware, always wanting to talk things out and then hug afterward. If it were anything else then I knew he would have pushed it, but familial stressors was where he decided to back off.
"Do you want to come over, then? Spend the rest of your birthday with me, I’ll come get you."
"I can't," I said hoarsely.
Because I don't want you to see me like this.
Javi had already put up with so much from me. I was like a loose cannon, the slightest thing could set me off. One minute I was happy and then the next I was losing it at a flip of a switch.
The one person I swore to hate was the only one who I felt safe letting my guard down in front of. He had seen so much of me that no one else had and he was still here. It was astounding to me. I did not need to test that any further by being next to him on the worst day of the year.
Plus, my aunt would probably bitch and moan about me leaving. She did every year because she too was grieving the day and believed that if she should suffer then the entire house should too.
He paused, thinking. "Can I come to you?"
I rolled onto my back, putting my arms behind my head and resting on them. "Can you just stay on the phone with me? Please?"
"Sure. Do you want to talk?"
"I just want to hear about you. Tell me things I don’t know."
He hummed thoughtfully. "Okay, well I'm currently eating rice and gravy, I rate it a six out of ten. It was my first time cooking it, so I'm proud, I guess. I for sure like baking more than cooking, though. Next time you come over we should make Oreo balls because I just know that you would like them..."
The next hour was spent with Javier telling me random facts and stories about himself. I found out his favorite color was burgundy. No, he couldn't be normal and just say red because that was too plain for him. I found out he used to run track in middle school, but quit because running became 'too much work,’ even though he was one of the best ones on the team.
I found out he was a dog person, not a cat person. He was afraid of cats because of their beady eyes. He liked winter over summer, movies over books, coffee over tea, fruity candy over chocolate. Javi liked being around and close to the people he cared about because his family had always been affectionate.
He admitted he could tell when I was hiding something. It was more apparent when I was angry because we all knew I never did a good job at hiding that, but the signs were still there when I felt upset. Javi noticed the slight quiver in my voice and the way I would fidget subconsciously. He noticed the immediate change in the topic of conversation because I was too uncomfortable to continue with it. He paid attention to me.
Javier didn't make me respond to him. I acknowledged that I was still listening by humming and little chuckles here and there, and it never deterred him from sharing.
I heard a loud yawn sound through the phone. "Do you want me to keep going?"
"Not if you’re about to fall asleep,” I snorted.
"I have a nine o'clock bedtime, but I'll break it for you."
