Since he was asleep and I was not, I scrolled through a dozen movies until I finally settled on something decent to watch by myself. Hours passed by and I was still mindlessly watching the colors change on the TV. Javi hadn’t woken up once and I would be lying if I said that I didn’t steal a glance at him sleeping throughout the night. Not in a creepy stalker way, I was simply admiring the peaceful way that he slept.
I was now tired as well. Extremely tired, actually. All I wanted to do was shut my eyes and fall asleep cuddled in his arms, but my body would not let me.
Sleep was the one thing I needed and the only thing out of my each. My mind was racing with thought while my body was begging me to shut my eyes. I was restless. Forcing my eyes closed did not help me drift off, and it didn't help that I was getting frustrated with myself for not being able to do something as easy as going to sleep.
It seemed my restlessness eventually became enough to wake Javi because the sound of him groaning caught my attention. His eyes fluttered open to find me sitting up with my back leaned against the headboard of the bed, still wide awake.
"You're up?" his voice was deeper and raspier than normal, courtesy of having just woken up. "What time is it?"
"Almost two in the morning, I think." I rubbed my eyes.
Javi’s arm flopped aimlessly off the side of the bed as he tried to turn on the lamp on the nightstand. He did after some trial and error, the sudden bright light blinding me when it flashed on.
"Have you been up this whole time?" He was squinting as he analyzed me. I nodded slowly, exhausted both physically and mentally. "Yeah, I can tell by how tired you look."
"Then what was the point in asking?" My tone came out snippy before I could stop it. I immediately felt bad for theharshness. I was tired, irritated, and drained, but I didn’t want to take it out on him. "Sorry."
I couldn't tell if he was too tired to care or if had simply missed it all together, but he didn’t say anything back. Instead, he moved closer and laid his head on my lap. The side of his head was on my thighs, his face toward the TV.
"I'll stay up with you until you fall asleep," He mumbled, though it sounded like he was halfway to snoozing again.
"Go to sleep, Javi. You’re barely awake right now," I insisted firmly. My fingers were running through his hair in a soothing motion.
"Not true. I’m actually super invested in watching Captain America." He adjusted himself until he was comfortable on my thighs as he used them like a pillow.
I chuckled wearily. "We’re watching Spider-Man."
"Oh, that too."
Javier stayed awake with me for longer than I thought he would, but he did drift off at some point. He tried and that was kind of him.
My body granted my wish of rest shortly after Javi. I fell asleep sitting up with my hands entangled in his hair. As uncomfortable as sleeping sitting up was, it didn't bother me because I was sleeping next to him. That made it some of the best sleep I had in forever.
Twenty-nine
Eli
Ihad done nothing but lie around all day. It was winter break so there was no work to be done, and I was tired of watching TV and mindlessly scrolling on my phone, so I just lied in bed.
Luckily, I was home alone, or at least I was earlier in the day. I didn't know if that was still the case, but I honestly couldn’t be bothered enough to get up and see for myself. Nobody was pestering me and I wanted to make it stay that way for as long as possible. It was much better than the alternative.
I replied to the ‘happy birthday’ messages from my friends. They had sent them earlier in the day, but like I said before, I hadn’t been on my phone. I had been isolated for the entirety of the day and it was completely on purpose. I always kept to myself on my birthday, I did it for both mine and everyone else's sake. Not having people in my face made it easier to cope, and not being in other people’s faces stopped me from dragging their moods down. I wasn’t just sparing myself; I was sparing everyone.
All of the alcohol in the world couldn't drown how depressed I was. I knew this before I began taking large swigs from the bottle under my bed, but my mind would not let me go without trying.
I felt like I had been doing a pretty good job of cutting back. The few people that genuinely cared about me were worried and I hated when others worried about me. For them I cut back. My definition of cutting back and theirs were most likely not on the same level, but I was trying. I wouldn’t drink around them to keep their minds at ease, but what I did in my own house did not concern them.
It was justifiable today especially. My reward for how good I had been doing was allowing myself booze guilt-free, but only for today. After that I had to cut back for real.
I only had sips throughout the day, just enough to satisfy the want but not enough to feel the effects of the liquor. For once, I was not set on getting drunk. I just needed the calming effects it gave me.
My phone vibrated against my leg. I assumed it was a reply to the 'thanks' I had sent to Bella just a couple of seconds ago, but that was not who had texted my phone. Instead, it was the guy who’s texts I constantly found myself smiling at.
Mr. President:happy birthday :)
I didn’t even remember mentioning my birthday to him. It was not a date that I was fond of sharing with people because I myself wished I could forget it. Half of me was touched that he had somehow found out and remembered, while the other half of me wished that he would never know the day existed.
I was going to send him a quick thank you text, but I found myself wanting to hear his voice. Normally hearing anyone's voice on the shittiest day of my life was the absolute last thing I wanted to do. Speaking and trying to hold a conversation was too difficult of a task and it ultimately ended with me being an ass for no reason.
