“So,” I begin, drawing out the word. “You and Lyra, huh?”
His face gets impossibly redder. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Right.” I grin.
He desperately fans his cheeks, trying to bank the heat in them. But his eyes never leave Lyra’s back, and the sigh he lets out is so full of longing and fear that my heart clenches. Seriousness settles over us as we just stand there, watching Lyra disappear into the crowd.
When she’s gone, Alistair lets out a miserable sigh.
“I thought she was like the sun?” I prompt in a gentle voice, leaving the rest of the question unfinished to see if he wants to talk.
For quite a while, he doesn’t. Only once the blush on his cheeks has settled does he finally reply. “Sheislike the sun. I’ve never met anyone like her. But I just…” He drags his hands through his curly blond hair and heaves another long sigh. “I don’t know how to trust people.”
Ah, so that’s what the issue is. Lyra has been flirting like this with Alistair for months now. And he obviously likes her as well. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be blushing practically every time she so much as looks at him. But he never reciprocates the flirting, and I haven’t been able to figure out why. Now, I understand.
Alistair has been deeply betrayed by almost everyone in his life. When his fire magic manifested, his friends and neighbors and everyone around him suddenly turned on him. The Red Clan hated Alistair because he was able to wield fire, which is their sacred element. So to appease the dragon shifters and prove to them that they were good fae who were on the dragon shifters’ side now, Alistair’s friends and other people he used to trust held him down and burned him with torches. It must have destroyed practically his entire ability to trust.
“Do you trustme?” I ask softly.
He is silent for a while, chewing his lip. Then he surprises me by replying, “Yes.”
“You do?” I stare at him in surprise. “Why?”
“Because I humiliated you, almost burned your face off, andencouraged several people to kill you during the Atonement Trials, and you still risked your own freedom to save me from the Ice Palace.” He glances at me from the corner of his eye. “If you were going to hurt me, you would’ve done it already. That’s why I’ve… let you in.”
“And Lyra?” I ask gently. “You’re worried that Lyra will hurt you if you let her in?”
“Yes. No.” He rakes his hands through his hair again and lets out another absolutely miserable sigh. “I don’t know. I just… I don’t know how to trust people.”
Letting his hand drop from his hair, he instead undoes a few buttons on his fighting leathers and pushes the fabric aside. Vicious burn scars are visible below his collarbones.
“People who I thought were my friends didthisto me,” he says. “Just to prove to people who hate them, who hate us all, that they’re good. Because that’s what people are like.” Releasing the fabric, he lets it fall back to cover the scars. Then he tilts his head, leaning it against the wall behind us, and stares up into the sky, looking lost. “And I just… I just don’t want to get hurt again. I don’t think I could survive it.”
Grabbing his chin, I tilt his head back down and turn it so that he is forced to look at me. It startles him enough that he doesn’t resist.
“You’ve been pushing Lyra away for months now,” I begin, my voice as serious as my eyes. “For months, you’ve been giving her the cold shoulder.” I hold his gaze steadily. “And guess what? She isstillhere.”
He blinks, looking stunned.
“Do you seriously think that someone, and especially someone like Lyra who has the attention span of a puppy, would spendmonthspursuing a guy who gives her absolutely nothing back, if she was planning to betray that guy?” I shake my head at him. “If she was going to walk away and hurt you, she would have done that months ago.”
Desperation floods Alistair’s eyes. “I just…”
“You’re scared that she will hurt you because of what other people did. But look at her for whosheis. Not for whotheywere.” Releasing his chin, I motion towards where Lyra is already walking back towards us through the crowd with a wide smile on her face. “I think you will find that she is exactly what you see. A reliable person.”
Alistair lets out a shuddering breath, and deep longing fills his eyes when he looks at Lyra. But that fear still flickers across his face as well.
After what he has been through, I understand that his trust issues won’t disappear overnight. But I really hope that he will be able to work through them soon. He deserves to be happy. And so does Lyra. I’m just worried that he will take too long to admit how he really feels about her.
Tomorrow is never certain. Not in this war.
And before we know it, it might all be too late.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Deep red and purple streaks paint the sky as the last light of day fades into the sea. Standing there on the balcony, I gaze out at the endless horizon while intense longing pulses in my chest. I had no idea that it was possible to yearn this desperately for a place I have never been.
But oh, I want it. I want it so badly that my chest aches. With Draven by my side, I want to just fly right into that open horizon and see it all. Laugh. Breathe. Live. Finallylive. After everything we have been through, we deserve that. Draven deserves that.Ideserve that.
