Every time I pass out and fall asleep, or even just close my eyes, I see those awful memories of when Jessina killed my parents in vivid detail. And every time, I wake up gasping and in cold sweats. That deep need to feel the comforting pleasure of my magic was already strong before we even got here. Ever since Orion shattered Kander’s memory magic, I’ve been craving that comforting sensation more and more. And now, I haven’t been able to feel it for… an entire day? Two days? Three days? I don’t know how long. All I know is that it’stoolong.
My body continues trembling. I squeeze my fingers into fists underneath my thighs and run my tongue through my parched mouth. The Icehearts are giving us water from time to time, but almost no food. Not that it matters. No amount of food would be enough to satisfy that awful hunger inside me. Because I’m not really hungry for food. I’m hungry for that wonderful comforting feeling of my magic.
I need it. Just a little boost. Then I will be okay. Then I will be able to function properly again. But with the iron collar on, I can’t give myself that one little boost of pleasure that I so desperately need.
So instead, I shake and suffer and lie to my friends.
Isera asked me earlier as well about the trembling. And I told her the same thing I told Grey. That it’s only because I’m cold. Thankfully, she is too preoccupied with her own panic attacks to see through my lies. And an awful, selfish part of me is glad for it. Because I don’t want her to know. I don’t want any of them to know.
I have spent so much time and effort on becoming someonethat people can depend on. I have finally proven to my friends that I am someone who contributes. That I am strong and smart and that they can count on me. So if I were to admit to them that I’m struggling with the effects of my magic—myownmagic, for Mabona’s sake!—it would ruin all of that. It would make them see me as a liability instead. And I don’t ever want to be a liability again. I don’t want to be seen as the weak link.
So I try to keep my shaking to a minimum as I sit there and force myself to ignore the way my mind is begging for relief that I can’t get right now.
My heart leaps into my throat as the door is yanked open.
We all scramble to our feet as Hana is shoved across the threshold right before both Jessina and Bane stride inside as well.
“At last,” Jessina declares while impatiently flicking her long white hair back over her shoulder. Her pale eyes shift to Grey. “Time to go.”
Orion and Isera move so that they are standing closer to me while Jessina explains in detail the place where she wants Grey to open the portal.
Hana remains on the other side of the room. Her black hair hangs down the sides of her face like dark curtains as she just stands there. I try to meet her eyes, but her chin is lowered and her shoulders are bowed. She is practically cowering there next to Bane.
I stare at her. Has she…?
“Let’s go,” Jessina says, her voice cracking through the air like a whip.
Blinking, I shift my gaze to her and realize that Grey has already opened the portal. Jessina jerks her chin at us. I shoot her a glare but follow Orion and Isera through the portal.
Surprise hits me when I step out onto a sunlit stretch of grass right in front of the sea. After so long in dim cells and darkened rooms, the sudden sunlight stabs at my eyes, and I have to squint and raise a hand to give them shade until my vision has adjusted.
Next to me, both Isera and Orion seem to come alive again for the first time since we were taken captive. Isera because she is finally in a place with no walls. And Orion no doubt because now that we’re here outside the pocket reality, we finally have our first real chance to escape and make our way back to the Unseelie Court. Both of them scan the area around us with sharp gazes, assessing our position and what we have to work with.
After Jessina, Bane, and Hana have stepped through the portal as well, Jessina once more collars Grey with iron. Then she and Bane turn to us.
Bane draws a hand over his long black hair to smoothen down nonexistent stray strands. Then his dark gaze slides to Hana, who is still cowering beside him and staring at the ground.
“Open it,” he demands.
“Yes, sir,” Hana breathes.
Orion snaps his gaze to her. “Sir?”
She doesn’t reply. Or even look at him.
“Hana,” Orion demands, his voice suddenly brimming with command. The voice of the Unseelie King. “Look at me.”
She doesn’t.
“Get on with it,” Bane orders.
“Yes, sir,” Hana whispers, and dips her chin even lower.
We all watch her with scrutinizing eyes as she walks up to the edge of the grass. There is no beach between it and the water. Instead, the grass ends abruptly in a small bluff. It’s so low that I could jump down from it without hurting myself. Below, waves lap gently against the side of it. Hana stops with her feet right at the edge and then raises her arms.
There is no visible magic in the air as she moves her hands. In fact, nothing appears to be happening at all. I squint at the space in front of her. But only glittering water is visible there on the other side of the small cliffside.
I jerk back as the air suddenly…splits.
