A tear overflowed her obvious attempts to restrain it and plopped onto the written page making the ink run.
But I stayed silent when I should have spoken. Now I find I have lost the power to speak. The effects stay with you, Libby.
I was almost crying myself now. I was transposing the young Isobel on to the shape of my daughter, imagining the unimaginable. The urge to keep Tilly safe made me want to snatch her up from the floor and hide her under my coat forever.
‘I am so, so sorry.’ I forced the words through the tunnel my throat had become.
Isobel shrugged and then looked up at the window. Outside, the unseen birds were making a racket.
Someone is outside.
I was torn. This was dreadful. On the one hand I needed her to go, to free the house for Ross and his building plans. On the other… on the other, howcouldI ask her to move on? ‘Look, Isobel, this place is rotting while you sit in it. Let Ross help you, letmehelp you. He’ll build you that little house he showed you the plans for and I’ll make sure you can stay there as long as you want. The birds can stay in their wood and we will keep away. You can live the same as you are here, only there will be water and electricity – Ross told me what he wants to do and it’s going to be lovely. But you need to get out of here before the rest of the place comes down, there are more storms on the way.’
Isobel turned her eyes to the window again. The sun shone calmly from a cloudless azure sky laced by branches which hung on to the last leaves as though these were the receipts for an autumn that they wanted to return for a refund.
And also you get paid if I leave.
I felt the censure was unwarranted, given the conversation we’d just been having.
‘I need the money, yes,’ I said, one eye on Tilly, who was getting bored with her ‘balls’ and had started to poke around the floorboards. ‘And it will help me get us a proper life. But you truly can’t stay here – don’t you want comfort? Some heating and hot water and a secure place to sleep?’
I prefer to be uncomfortable. I think it’s probably psychological – making myself suffer.
‘If you’re self-aware enough to know that, then you know how daft it is,’ I said, rather snippily, and Isobel smiled.
Beyond the window I could see the cloud of birds turning slowly in the sky, still giving their harsh warning cries. I wondered if Ross was prowling around out there, and was filled with a desire to talk to him. I wanted to discuss Isobel’s revelations and what it meant for her future, and it dawned on me that Icouldtalk to Ross. I’d spent so long running and hiding that I hadn’t had anyone to truly confide in since… well, since the days when David had been normal.
I am sure he will be as keen to see you as you are to see him.
Isobel was still smiling.
He seems to be a very nice man. Trustworthy.
‘So you’ll move into the…’ I stopped myself before I saidshed. ‘Into the site office? Temporarily, until he can get the little house built?’
I will move.
I let out a breath and some of the tension flowed out with it. ‘Thank you,’ I said and thought I had better stop there. Asking when she would go seemed a little tactless.
But come and see me again before I go.
‘I will!’ I looked down at Tilly again. Now she was sliding along the floor, pushing herself on her stomach with her toes so that the fluff, fallen leaves and feathers swept along in front of her as though she were a very effective mop. ‘Come on, Tils. We ought to go and tell Ross so that he can ready his team.’ I spoke without looking at Isobel, but wanting her to hear and know that her leaving had better be swift. ‘And he can sort the site office out ready for moving in,’ I added.
The tray of crow diamonds lay discarded. I looked at it as I gathered Tilly up and brushed her coat free from the floor detritus; the shiny black stones looked innocent, even pretty against the reflecting silver surface, like someone had drilled holes in mercury. They made me shiver now.
They aren’t exceptionally valuable.
Isobel appeared to see me looking as she wrote.
A few thousand pounds each, perhaps? My father had them professionally cut and polished for me.
Our eyes met now. Hers gave nothing away while I was sure mine were full of calculation – there were at least ten, maybe twenty diamonds lying there. Not quite a fortune, now I knew black diamonds were less valuable than the usual sort, but enough to buy Isobel a future. Yet she was hanging on to them when they must be a daily reminder of an evil dark time. I wanted to ask her why, but couldn’t bring myself to do it.
‘We’ll come over tomorrow,’ I said, lifting Tilly onto my hip. ‘I might get Ross to help – we can move all your things between us.’
Isobel nodded curtly. Outside the birds were rasping their calls, sounding urgent and upset. I wondered if Ross was standing by the front door. He’d know I was here – my car was parked in the usual place – but he hadn’t come in.
I turned from the dim little room to face the brighter light of the hallway, and took half a step back in shock when I saw a figure approaching from the direction of the front door. It was a woman, tall and slender in jeans and a jacket, her hair tied back in a scarf. She held her arms out to me as she came.
